Décalcomanie
by MizuiroKandeya
Summary: The former Akatsuki member, no, Deidara — he has a name and now that Mizuiro knows so much about the why's and how's it's not fair to leave him nameless — freezes up, the air of tense disinterest leaving him. It's a shocking change and his voice is ice cold when he answers: "What about him?" "He was the reason you joined Akatsuki." "Don't make it sound like I wanted to join them."
1. August 88 to July 89

_Hello,_  
 _so as you can see from the tags this will be Deidara/OC at some point. But the first five chapters are more of an introduction to the major OCs that will show up throughout this story. Either way though, this story (especially Mizuiro) is my baby and I've been working on this for about two years now. Originally it was supposed to be just for two of my friends and me but now I decided I might as well post it. I hope some of you will get some enjoyment out of this :)_

 _And without further ado, let's get going!_

 _ **For reference:** In this timeline Team 7 gets enrolled in the academy in the year 87 and graduates in year 93. Each chapter will have the timespan it happens in as the chapter title. The story will follow the plot of Naruto with only a few changes but at the same time, the characters in this story won't interact much with the main cast of the show. Now, Naruto and Co. will show up every now and then but it will very rarely be during major events of the original storyline and still just as side characters. _

* * *

Mizuiro is so nervous. She didn't sleep a wink last night and Natori's good-natured teasing this morning about making friends didn't help. God, she doesn't know how to do this. She really wishes her parents would have been able to accompany her to the academy enrollment. But instead, they're somewhere outside the village working — she gets it, really she does. But at least that way she wouldn't have stuck out like the sore thumb she was this morning, with only Natori's mother, who very clearly didn't look anything like her with her jet black hair and brown eyes, as her support there.

And now in class, it's even worse. They already did introductions but she couldn't bring herself to look at the others and now she can't remember their names and it's the worst. She hates not being able to remember things. That she fumbled over her own words while introducing herself and didn't manage to make eye contact with anyone, isn't the best thing either but she'll have to live with that.

Add to that that Sensei Rikuri Takeda, their homeroom teacher, quizzed them on their level of knowledge and she was the only one that aced his test. Which lead to him praising her in front of the whole class for it. At the time it made her feel happy but it also set the tone for everybody treating her like the know-it-all she admittedly is. And it also means she didn't make the best first impression on her classmates and now has to spent the next six years surrounded by them.

She's already regretting that she convinced her parents to let her join the academy.

* * *

It's been nearly two weeks and outside of the bare necessities, she hasn't exchanged a single word with her classmates. That she prefers reading over playing ninja during their breaks doesn't help and that she's smarter than most of them probably doesn't either — she's not sure if the second one is true but that's what Natori said to her when she told him about school. But really if she's so smart then shouldn't she know how to make friends?

At least the teachers seem to like her since she already knows most of the things they're teaching the first years and has made it her mission to get the best grades possible to show her parents that it really was a smart idea to leave her here by herself – they worry even if it was a weight off their shoulders to not have to lug her around anymore. Maybe she's also doing it to prove to herself that she can adapt to a constant environment instead of always having to only make a good first impression in front of people she rarely sees a second time.

* * *

A month in and she's starting to really remember the names of her classmates and also who to avoid and who she can smile at without running the chance of being scowled at. She's starting to feel okay about not being liked that much and not really fitting in.

She's also starting to notice the distinct groups that have formed. And maybe she doesn't mind not having any real friends. But it still hurts to know that she isn't part of any of the groups. Especially that one group of girls seems like a generally nice group but they always switch between treating her nicely and rolling their eyes at her when she talks during class. It's confusing in the worst way and she doesn't know what to do with it. Natori isn't much help either, only telling her to talk to them.

Nobody ever prepared her for how difficult making actual friends would be.

* * *

December and January are way easier just because she can come home to her own parents and tell them about things they don't know yet and how it was at school and they look so happy and grateful about not having to worry about her that she doesn't mind the little white lies about meeting up with others when in reality she just hides away somewhere — mostly the library — to read.

Her grandfather visits over New Years but it doesn't deter her much even if she's scared of him. Still that he scoffs at her when she tells him proudly she's going to be a ninja hurts badly but well she should have known. He was never happy with her dad's lifestyle and of course he would criticize her for 'following in the wrong footsteps'.

If he would have had any say in how she grew up, he'd taken her to live with him from when she turned six and shown her all the ways and tricks of the Kandeya's lantern making over and over again before at eleven she would have been allowed to finally make her first lantern by herself.

"As it is expected from the young, to quietly watch their elders and learn," he grumbled into his beard more than once during his stay with them. But really it would have driven her mad to learn like that. With how her mother's Kekkei Genkai works, spending five years doing nothing but watching the same things over and over, is unimaginable to her. Even if she understands that handcrafting a perfect lantern quickly and efficiently is art in itself.

She's glad that her father decided to teach her with a more hands-on approach and by the time she was four she had already built her first proper lantern — it barely even qualified as good but she had made it all by herself, no help needed. Nowadays she can make a nearly perfect one if she can find the patience for it. But since she didn't learn the way her grandfather wanted her too, he doesn't even bother appreciating it.

And she doesn't want to say that her father's own troubles with him colored her opinions on him but it at least taught her to not have high expectations when it comes to praise or really any positive response concerning her future choices. So she's not as bothered by this as she probably should be.

* * *

Her report card at the end of the year is littered with A's — except chakra control she just can't figure that one out — and a note at the bottom that loudly proclaims what she's been scared of telling her parents.

"Mizuiro is shy, painfully so. She would profit a lot of actually making friends with the others. Being smart isn't everything and she needs to understand that sometimes friendship or even just comradery is more useful to a ninja than knowledge."

As if she didn't already know that.

She places her report on the table while her mother is in the garden and sneaks out again to the library. When she comes back that evening, she finds her mother in the kitchen, a sad look on her face. It makes her immediately start crying. She never ever wanted to make her mom sad.

"Why didn't you tell us about this, honey?" Her mom asks her after the initial tears have subsided and she stopped hiding her face against her mother's shoulder.

"I didn't want you to worry," Mizuiro mumbles. "And I didn't want you to pull me out of the academy. I really want to be a ninja!"

"We always worry about you when we can't be around. That's just what parents do." Her mother pets her over her head and pulls her closer. "Say, do you not want to talk to the other kids?"

She shrugs her shoulders. "They just don't seem to like me that much. They always make fun of me for enjoying classes and being smart."

"Oh Mizuiro. There is never anything wrong with liking and wanting to learn, okay? I admittedly picked the wrong route when I encountered the same problems as a kid. I pretended to be dumber than I was and while it got me friends, it didn't make me happy. It took me a long time to learn that I could be smart and find people who like me just as I am. So if your classmates really don't like you for being smart than they won't make good friends anyway. But you won't know what they really think of you until you talk to them."

"Okay."

"So promise me you'll at least try talking to them after the break, honey. Maybe you'll be surprised by their honest opinions."

She lowers her eyes and nods. She doesn't want to promise though because she's not sure she can actually keep it.


	2. August 89 to July 90

Her second year gets worse.

Now that her parents know about her not really making or having friends they told the teacher to keep an eye on her, even more so than he already does. It's annoying because he keeps forcing her to put away her books during the breaks and she feels like he's obviously pushing group work onto them. It's driving her crazy to go from the minimal amount of human contact she previously had, to this much contact.

And it's no use either way. On top of being stressed out by all the conversation she's forced into, she also feels like she's being treated like a child – she knows she is one but usually once adults figure out she's smart they take a more mature approach with her. And being treated like a child and like she doesn't know what's best for her is the one thing she doesn't like. And knowledge at least won't disappoint her like friends could, so her books are the best company she could ask for right now and she'll gladly keep it over her classmates.

And yes maybe she starts being defiant and 'acting out' as the teacher calls it. Truth is she's just had it with everyone expecting things from her that she can't fulfill because there are two sides to a friendship and if they don't want to be her friends – which clearly they don't if they haven't approached her in the past year – then she's not going to try either. And if the teacher is unable to do a proper job at teaching than she's not going to let that pass either. It's her education – and that of the others too of course – and there's nothing more important to her than that. And if there's one job a ninja can do where knowledge is much more valuable than comradery than it's being a teacher.

The first time she notices Rikuri Sensei making a mistake when telling them something about Konoha's history she immediately raises her hand and corrects him. He thanks her, makes a note in his papers and then keeps going.

The second time she corrects him on something, only a week later, his reaction is less pleasant and his thank you sounds forced. She notices but doesn't actually think anything of it.

The third time he actually tells her to stay after class, where he unceremoniously tells her to her face that she needs to stop correcting him or she'll get a remark on her next report about undermining his role. She feels a little shell-shocked because that's not at all what she was going for. Of course, she explains herself and maybe it's a little naive to think that'll be that afterwards but she sees absolutely no harm in her behavior. Because like she says to herself every time she wakes up from a bad dream where her parents are disappointed in her for any kind of reason: she wanted to be a ninja and for that, she wants the best education she can get.

The fourth time he gives her extra exercises with another clear warning that she'll get one for every further interruption of his lessons. She knows that there is a parent-teacher talk at five extra exercises but her parents aren't going to be home until the beginning of May and it's barely February. Surely the letter the teacher would send them won't be too bad.

And Natori's mom is not her legal guardian — she's really just doing Mizuiro's mother a favor — so she is in no position of danger right now. And Mizuiro knows the rules in and out because after her last warning she checked them out of curiosity, wanting to know if her behavior was in any way wrong – it was not.

She still gets in trouble.

Her parents replied to the first letter with a politely phrased response that ensures her teacher that it's probably just a phase and that they really can't leave Kumogakure right now or else they'd be risking their current contract. She gets another letter for herself that's reprimanding her for her behavior and with a warning that if they get another letter about this she'll be in huge trouble. She keeps doing what she already was anyway. She's set her mind to it now and if she's determined to see this through.

Three weeks later she gets called into the principal office. At first, she's excited when she sees her parents but then it dawns on her why they're here. That they look disappointed beyond belief doesn't make it better.

The principal goes into a whole spiel about appropriate behavior during class and recess and how acting out is never a smart choice and Mizuiro just stares at her knees and hopes that her parents will show some compassion for her when they hear it from her side.

Except she actually gets suspended for two weeks — she can't believe that she got suspended for such a minimal offense! She didn't even do anything wrong. But her objections fall on deaf ears. Her parents give her house arrest for just as long. Not that she'd go out either way but it also means no going to the library to get new books and being stuck with the same old ones. It sucks. But she dug her own grave and now she must lie in it.

She watches from the banister upstairs how one of her classmates — she's pretty sure it's Keiko — brings her the materials they worked on during the suspension and she'd really like to go down and say thank you but her father gave her a sharp look before opening the door that said it all.

He's really mad at her she knows that — even if her mom keeps trying to convince her otherwise — because of how big the job in Kumogakure was and how much prestige and money they lost because of her. And really it's no use to apologize, she'll just have to live with the fact that she screwed up badly and fix it somehow.

After the suspension, the way her classmates treat her is even worse. Not only is she the teacher's pet now but also the troublemaker — which to be honest is a weird combination. And she doesn't even dare to go up to Keiko and thank her face to face for the materials. She just writes a small thank you note and sneaks it into her bag during a break. She doesn't get a reply though — not that she expected one but she tried.

The way she's feeling about letting down her parents affects her behavior at school too. For the rest of the year, she goes quiet, offering no answer up on her own and only talking when called upon. It leads to some frowning from the other teachers who are used to her being a supportive role during class but no one comments on it beyond asking whether or not she's doing okay. Of course, she isn't but that's none of their business.

Her report at the end of the year clearly shows it though. She guesses that if the other teachers didn't like her that much, she'd have gotten less B's and way more C's and D's. Though it would have been fine probably. Because apparently, her education isn't as important as she'd like to believe.


	3. August 90 to July 91

Her third year starts off fine.

She perks up for a few days at the beginning of classes but once they're back in the more serious daily routine her behavior from last year carries over.

And god she's actually starting to get scared of Rikuri Sensei. He changed a lot over the break and his once friendly face has taken on a strict look that makes her freeze when he looks at her. Needless to say, she can't bring out a single word when he actually once in a while asks her questions, making his opinion of her drop even lower.

Even his rules get more strict — he reasons it's because they have a hard life ahead of them and not following the rules could mean injuries or even worse death.

It's true and really "No use of Kekkei Genkai" is a fair and square rule for classes in general and even more so for tests. It's not like she can use it during class anyway. Sure she uses it to prepare for them at home but never at school. She can remember the information well enough and most importantly quickly enough without activating it even if she's still practicing that. And the side effects of using it would be not worth the time she'd save.

Still sometimes when recalling information during exams she needs to concentrate hard and for that, she has to close her eyes because it's just easier to visualize where the information is stored that way and connect the dots between topics.

"Mizuiro, what did I say?"

Her eyes fly back open and she looks up at Rikuri Sensei, panic setting into her body. Somebody in the back snickers.

"I'm not doing anything wrong!"

"Mizuiro." The fact that Rikuri Sensei can still look disappointed in her, even though he obviously dislikes her, hurts. "We have the clear rule to not use Kekkei Genkai. I know your grades aren't the most stellar anymore but that you'd drop down to this."

She can't believe this. And she can't even bring up any valid arguments against his words because she still only has one straight line while it's active and it's too faint to properly show up when she activates it. "I swear I don't have to do that! I don't need to use it to remember things!"

It's clear as day that her protests fall on deaf ears and when he holds out his hand for her paper, she bites her lip and looks down. This is seriously starting to go horribly wrong. All she wanted was a good education and now all she gets is trouble. She pushes her test in his direction and then fumbles to put her pen away. This was the last class of the day and surely she'll be allowed to leave now that she's not writing her test anymore.

But no, when she grabs her bag to get up and leave, he says "I want to see you after class."

She slumps back down and burrows her head in her arms, to more snickering in the back. She hates him so much. Why can't he be as nice as Iruka Sensei who Natori always gushes over? She swallows down the tears and waits just like that until everybody else is done and has left.

He makes her stand next to the teacher's desk while he goes through all the different pages he collected on her misbehaviors and makes disappointed noises. Once he's made a show out of adding her newest offense to his notebook, he looks up at her and says: "A good Kunoichi shouldn't want to be the center of attention."

It's frustrating to hear that said directly to her face. She hates that sentence, no she hates that mindset with a passion. The first time she read about it in a book, she had to stop reading in the middle of the chapter and go train because of how angry it made her.

Yes, it may be true that throughout history and its retellings most Kunoichis played small parts and supported their Kages and leaders through their fights and troubles. But that's not all there is to them. They did so much more. They helped behind the scenes, kept their mouths shut and did what ninjas are supposed to do: act quietly and unseen. They didn't need to brag and talk about it before everyone to know their work was appreciated and needed and helped the big people to win their wars.

Of course, she knows that a lot of Ninjas acted like that as well but she also never once had to struggle with finding reading materials about them. Books solely about Kunoichis and their deeds were far and few in between.

But now to hear this sentence in this context. She feels that same anger well up in her again.

"Well good teachers should be smart, have social skills and treat everybody fairly. So clearly it's not just me who's bad at the thing they're supposed to be doing," she says, head raised high and back straight as an arrow. She stares him down and can't bring herself to look away even if her hands are shaking so badly where they are wrapped around the strap of her bag.

For a moment he looks shocked by her talking back so frankly and then his face falls into a frown. "I think that another meeting with both the principal and your parents is overdue. I'll make sure to contact them. You can leave now."

She holds up a front until she's out of the school grounds and then she lets the tears fall. Out of all the things to happen today. It's been two months of the new school year and her parents left barely two weeks ago and now they'll have to come back, meaning they'll probably lose another contract because of her and the money too. She should have just kept traveling with them. It would have been far less stressful for them and god her parents could have taught her everything she learns at school. And it's not like people like her here anyway.

She walks until she comes to an empty playground, where she huddles up in the jungle gym and cries her eyes out. Because she can't go home like this — and what a laughable description home is when Natori's been insufferable lately and his mother has been all sad and snappy since her boyfriend left her. She wishes she could stay on her own already because then she could-

"Oh!"

The noise startles her and she flinches, hastily wiping her eyes and looking up. She meets the unmistakable purple eyes of her classmate Nanami and can feel herself flush in embarrassment. She never once has given in and cried in class or at school, too scared of being made even more fun of. And now that's ruined too.

"What's wrong, Nanami?" another voice asks and then a second head pops up behind her and that is definitely Keiko.

Really today just keeps getting worse and worse.

"Go away," Mizuiro mumbles and tries hard to wipe her eyes dry but the tears won't stop coming.

It's quiet for a long moment and then "Did Rikuri Sensei give you extra work again?" It doesn't sound mean-spirited or like she'll be made fun off but rather like they actually feel bad for her.

So she hesitantly shakes her head. "He's writing my parents. They'll have to come in for a meeting with the principal."

"Oh, that must be a hassle for them."

It's clearly said lightly and without any consideration, because they don't know how much of a hassle it really is for her parents and it makes her sob loudly. "They're gonna be so mad when they'll lose another contract because of me."

"I'm sure it won't be that bad," Nanami says and shrugs her shoulders.

"Nanami!" Keiko hisses and lightly hits her shoulder. "I already told you that if people don't work as ninjas then losing a job is always bad."

"Right, sorry. I sometimes forget that not everybody's parents are ninjas"

Mizuiro sniffles. "They are though. But my dad has the family business to take care of too and it needs a lot of time and traveling which is exactly why I wanted to stay in the village so that they didn't have to waste time on teaching me themselves. But now they always have to come back because I screw up at school all the time." She presses her face back to her knees, her cheeks warm with embarrassment and the knowledge that she just spilled most of her worries.

The girls go quiet for a moment again and then there are the noises of them settling down on the floor. Nanami is the first to speak up again, "But you didn't cheat today. I would have noticed your chakra changing. I'm good at that!"

"I know. I can't use my Kekkei Genkai in crowded areas yet. It's too much and I end up having panic attacks. And even if I could I wouldn't use it at school! That's against Sensei's rules."

"But if you told Rikuri Sensei that, I'm sure he'd understand and apologize."

Mizuiro shakes her head and looks back up. "He doesn't care. And today I actually got mad and insulted him when he tried to give me my punishment and he really didn't like that. So I'm not sure if I'm even still in trouble for just the exam."

"What did you say?"

"I said he was a horrible teacher."

Keiko gasps and slaps her hands to her mouth. "You didn't!"

"I did," she mumbles even more embarrassed now. "I just blurted it out."

"Well to be fair," Nanami reaches up and twists one of her long braids around her fingers. "When I told my mom about some of the things he nearly taught us wrong she got pretty mad because that was important stuff. So he is kind of a bad teacher."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I just didn't want to get in trouble too so I didn't say anything during class."

"I didn't know that."

"My mom also said that you must be pretty smart if you know things better than our teacher and that I should make friends with you." Nanami pulls a face. "I still never talked to you though. Sorry."

"It's fine. I didn't really try talking to you either."

"That's not true! You wrote me that thank you note!" Keiko says and points at her all excitedly before her face falls and she blushes. "Though I don't remember what it was for. I just found it in my bag a few weeks ago and I didn't want to ask."

"Oh. That was for bringing me the materials from class during my suspension last year."

Keiko smiles and scratches the back of her head. "Well, you're welcome. I mean it's probably a little bit late but still."

Mizuiro can't quite suppress the giggle that escapes her at Keiko's face and suddenly they are all laughing and for a moment she can forget about her troubles. It's nice.

Except once they stop laughing it all comes back and she sighs.

"If I get suspended again, will you bring me the materials again?"

"Duh."

"If you want we can even help you try talking to Sensei again. Maybe he'll listen to you if you aren't alone."

She hastily shakes her head. "No! No, don't worry. I'll be fine. You don't need to get into trouble. I've heard you complain about how strict your parents are. I don't want you to end up getting extra work just because I picked a fight with Sensei."

The two girls share a look and seem to have a wordless conversation before facing her again.

"But if you change your mind just tell us okay?"

Mizuiro nods but silently vows to herself to not ask that of them at any point. Because while she's not quite sure if she can already call them her friends, she's very much worried about them regretting talking to her if she gets them in trouble too.

* * *

She gets a month of house arrest this time and another two-week suspension.

Her father leaves the day after the talk with the teacher, clearly still very angry at her. And she's glad that only her mother stays home with her because she's a little more lenient about the rules during house arrest — like letting her get new books from the library and letting her talk to Keiko and Nanami when they bring her the materials as promised. Though maybe the second one is more because she's happy that her daughter appears to have made friends. Which to be honest is fair after the past two years of her not really talking to anyone.

"Those two girls were nice," her mom says later that night over dinner. "Why don't you invite them over once your house arrest is over?"

"Maybe," Mizuiro replies and goes back to eating. She still thinks it's too good to be true and that surely they'll realize what a bad idea becoming her friend was before they even see her again.

Though that thought flies out of her head immediately, when on the first day she's back at school they let her know that they smooth talked both of the kids in her row to switch places with them. And oh how weird it is to suddenly be flanked by people who actually want to sit next to her and even invite her to join them for lunch.

Having actual friends makes her positively light up, even more so when Rikuri Sensei doesn't care enough to make them switch back. On top of that it gives her that boost to her confidence that she desperately needed to keep telling Sensei when he's wrong — and now it's not only her education but that of her friends too! — especially since he won't stop picking on her.

But she does not plan on backing down anymore and just knowing that Keiko and Nanami are on her side if things do end up going wrong is enough to make her feel sure that she's doing the right thing. Though she repeatedly tells them to not actively support her because she knows first hand the trouble it can lead to. And at least that way there's really no risk of them regretting making the choice of being her friend.

* * *

Mizuiro's mom stays home with her for the rest of the school year and her father only comes home twice during that time, once for Christmas and once for her birthday.

His disappointment in her seems to have mellowed out a little and he even continues teaching her some of the more complicated ways of making lanterns. But she still overhears him talking with her mom late at night about how neither of them is quite sure what they did wrong while raising her. That, in turn, makes her mad at them again because they really didn't do anything wrong here except for when they didn't want to believe her when she told them the truth.

During the school year she also becomes really good friends with Nanami and Keiko — like let's have sleepovers and train together levels — and they end up inseparable. It does wonders for her chakra control too because both of them are so much better at explaining the way she has to work it, than the adults who've been using it naturally for years and are trying to dumb it down for her.

And even in class, the others groan in annoyance now when the three of them get sorted into or picked for the same teams in training or for group exercises because of how great they work together.

Really, all in all, it's a great year, no matter how many times she has to do extra chores in school and at home.


	4. August 91 to July 93

Year four starts off on a high note.

Since they'll have separate Kunoichi classes from now on, it means that only half of her school days will be spent dealing with Rikuri Sensei.

That the specialized classes are fantastic is just a bonus. Suzume Sensei, the Kunoichi teaching them, is an amazing teacher. Mizuiro herself doesn't even care that she herself is only mediocre at most of the practical topics — she knows that if she'll ever fool anyone foreign into believing she's a local person it'll be based on the knowledge she gathered through traveling and reading. Still, classes are fun and it's a nice change to not have to worry about doing something wrong while only breathing.

The fact that her parents finally allowed her to stay home alone while they travel makes the year even better. She loves Natori and his mother but they can be pretty exhausting at times and having some time to herself at their place can get pretty difficult. Of course, her parents give her conditions that she has to meet, like keeping the house clean and most importantly not getting into any more trouble. But between this and only seeing Sensei half of the school days, it eases the tension between them a lot. She doesn't stop from correcting his mistakes but she keeps it to the most important ones — she's gotten really good at discerning which mistakes are worth getting in trouble for and what not over the past year. 

* * *

Year five is surprisingly uneventful. Though now that she's friends with Nanami and Keiko she's started making friends with other people in their class too. Not all of them of course. But she can at least say she's on friendly terms with most of them.

Which means she also ends up at social gatherings with them — she doesn't know what else to call them because the things she's invited to range from birthday parties to study groups — and it's weird. Well, most of the times it's fun but on some days they end up at places she knows her parents would yell at her for just stepping into to ask to use the bathroom.

Like Tapu.

She didn't know about that place before — even though it's only a few streets from Keiko's and Nanami's houses — but Tamaki told her that her grandfather owns it so it's fine for them to hang out there in the early afternoon, as long as they don't disturb the customers. It doesn't really put Mizuiro's worries at rest because this is an actual bar where they serve alcohol and she knows how strict the guidelines for that are within the Land of Fire. And this place looks so shady at that, old and never properly lit, so she's not quite sure how legit everything here is. But she also doesn't want to be a killjoy, so she goes along and feels guilty afterwards.

Except then she meets Tamaki's uncle that one time — oh how weird it is that she has an uncle that's only a year older than her — and suddenly she feels really conflicted about what she wants to do, which is hanging out at Tapu more, and what she should be doing, never ever set a foot back into that place until she's legally allowed there.

He must come home from school too, though from his appearance she guesses it's the civilian school and rolls his eyes when he sees their group at one of the tables.

"I thought dad told you to not bring that many people at once anymore."

"That rule was for you because of how annoying your friends are, Matsuri. So go and leave us alone," Tamaki responds and sticks out her tongue at him.

"I'm pretty sure a gaggle of girls is just as annoying." He makes a face at her.

Mizuiro keeps peering at him over the edge of her book until he disappears into the backrooms.

It's difficult for her to focus on her reading afterwards. Mostly she just stares at the words and tries reading them again and again. But her thoughts keep wandering back to him. Tamaki is a pretty talkative person and loves to complain about Matsuri but this is the first time Mizuiro has actually seen him. And really he's not at all what she imagined from the stories she heard. She always thought he'd look way more like trouble and mean but instead, he actually seems quite nice.

"Whatcha reading?"

Mizuiro squeaks in surprise and slams her book closed, pressing it to her chest in the same movement that she turns around on the chair. Her heart is hammering in her chest but all she does is stare wide-eyed at Matsuri, who's now standing next to her at the table.

He looks equally as surprised by her reaction though he recovers faster than her. The corner of his mouth tilts into a grin. "Geez, and you're training to be a ninja?"

"For Christ's sake, leave her alone Matsuri," Tamaki mumbles, though the suppressed laughter is clear in her voice.

Mizuiro feels her cheeks heat up and ducks her head immediately. She wants to say she has no idea what that reaction was but really he just simply startled her. It still happens a lot to her even if after nearly five years at the academy. She probably should react differently by now. But she was too unaware of her surroundings again. She should read up on that some more, maybe ask around for some tips too.

"Ah look at you being embarrassed about it. It's cute how you all pretend to be ninjas already when in reality you still are just scaredy cats."

That makes her look back up and she feels her face fall into a frown. "Well, at least we're trying to be useful. I'm not sure I can say the same thing about you though." She slaps her hand to her mouth the second she realizes what she actually said. She can't believe she was this openly rude to him just now. It doesn't even matter that he insulted her first. She's a freaking guest in this place.

There's a gasp somewhere behind her and Matsuri looks shocked for a moment before he starts laughing. He's still grinning and disbelievingly shaking his head when he says, "I can't believe I'm saying this but please bring her around more often, Tamaki."

He leaves them in peace afterwards and goes off to do god knows what. But not without winking at her and Mizuiro is just so confused. She can't relax for the rest of the day and her mind keeps going back to him. It's annoying and she can't remember when she couldn't stop thinking about something or someone the last time. Now though she kind of can't forget his face and how friendly his brown eyes had looked at her even after she insulted him. She doesn't think anybody ever wanted to see her again just because she was mean to them.

But Matsuri apparently really does because after the third time she pretends to be busy when Tamaki invites her along to Tapu, she starts complaining about how he won't stop bothering her about how he wants to see Mizuiro again. He actually asked if he scared her off. She's so confused and when she tries talking with Nanami and Keiko about they immediately start giggling.

"He likes you," Nanami singsongs.

"But I was mean to him," Mizuiro replies and frowns. "Why would he like that?"

"Well for one boy are weird," Keiko says and shrugs her shoulders. "But maybe it's also the fact that you didn't clam up around him like a lot of our classmates did."

Nanami nods. "Yeah, he picked on all off us when we first came over. Or at least he tried to and most of the other girls just let him because he smiled at them."

"His eyes look pretty when he smiles," Mizuiro says and when she sees their grins, she realizes how weird that must have sounded. She ducks her head, her cheeks flushing. She has no idea where that came from but she felt the need to say it.

The other two coo at her. "Aww, you like him, too."

She brings her hands up to press them against her burning face. This is not how she thought today would go. And what does like even mean in this context? That she thought he looked nicer than he was described as? Or that she simply looked at him a little longer than she should have? She's confused and her quickly beating heart isn't helping.

"You should come along again next time we're at Tapu. Seriously he looked like somebody kicked his dog the last time."

"I'll think about it," Mizuiro mumbles but already knows she'll go. Her thirst for knowledge is winning out this time and she really wants to know if everybody is just messing with her.

* * *

It's true.

Everything they said is true and when Matsuri squeezes into the small space next to her at the edge of one of the booths, she freezes up. But then he starts actually talking to her or more accurately asking her questions again about what she's reading. And when she actually gets proper words out this time, he starts asking more questions and hangs off of her every word in turn.

It's been a while since anybody listened to her that intently without a grade being involved and she knows she gets too excited but she loves telling people about the weird things she stumbles upon in books and scrolls alike. It's just that not everybody always cares or listens properly. But he really actually does and the way he looks at her while listening, all attentive eyes and curiosity, makes her feel fuzzy inside and lose track of her words more than once. Sometimes he makes her go back and explain things again because he doesn't get them but even that doesn't bother her. She actually appreciates his honesty since she often forgets that not everybody's brain works the way hers does. It's fantastic and later that evening when she leaves with Keiko and Nanami – they both were invited for dinner by Nanami's mother – she doesn't even hesitate to admit that they were right and she does like him.

It's embarrassing as hell and they tease her the rest of the day but it's all good natured and she can't stop smiling either way.

Later that month during the first summer festival – ringing in the beginning of the summer break for most students, academy and civil – she gets her first kiss from Matsuri, in a tiny alleyway that is the perfect shortcut from one side of the festival to the other. The kiss is short and awkward and she practically runs away from him when she realized what just happened. But when they pass by each other later that night, he just grins at her and she hesitantly smiles back. And that's that.

They never actively talk about it and he never says anything about actually wanting to be her boyfriend – just thinking the word makes heat rise in her cheeks. On one hand, she's happy about it because she wouldn't even know what to do with a boyfriend and it saves her from so many awkward questions from her friends. But on the other hand, she kind of wants him to herself and it makes her feels so guilty that she feels that way. God, she has no idea what her brain and heart are doing.


	5. August 93 to July 94

When her last year at the academy starts, it rids her of all her worries around Matsuri. Suddenly the whole syllabus gets way more practically orientated than it was during the past years.

Not that they didn't do practical training or exams before but it seems like every single teacher wants to focus on and enlarge upon those topics this year especially. And with everything from the past five years crammed together, it overtakes most of their school days.

Mizuiro dislikes it. She was good at school because she was smart and could balance out what she couldn't do physically with what she can do mentally. But now it feels more like eighty percent practical exercises and twenty percent studying.

To be fair it's not like she really sucks at most of the exercises or jutsus they have to perform. There are classmates that clearly struggle much more and she doesn't want to pretend that she has it hard. But she also really isn't the best when it comes to chakra control and the second she has a bad day emotionally, all bets are off on how well she can focus it. Training with Nanami and Keiko helped a great deal over the past few years. With how much she has to deal with Rikuri Sensei again though it's like she forgot all she learned from them.

And there are rumors floating around, that Rikuri Sensei's girlfriend left him at the altar to run away with his best friend which explain why he's always in such a fool mood. Of course, nobody knows if it's true but whatever happened that made him this upset, he's back to taking it out on her, the second she makes a wrong move. Which she does often around him, considering that every now and then his presence still sends cold shivers down her back and makes her freeze up. She can feel how very much he still dislikes her just by the way he's looking at her. It's horrible.

Now he's even taken to yelling at her in front of the whole class and not just once or lightly but he actually takes it so far that she reaches her own limit and talks back quite loudly. He sends her out to stand in front of the door for the rest of the class, giving her extra exercises afterwards, the first two times it happens. She doesn't really understand why he let her get away with it so lightly in comparison to what happened during the past years already.

The third time they actually get into a yelling match and halfway through she packs her things and just leaves. She's not going to be his scapegoat anymore.

She meets up with Nanami and Keiko after school – her guilty conscience already gnawing at her because surely this will get back to her parents and end badly for her – and Keiko immediately blurts out that he actually went as far as yelling at all of them to better not be associated with troubled kids like her because following rules and being reliable are two of the biggest things a ninja should be able to do and she can't do either of those.

"I think it actually scared some of the others. They looked so skittish," Keiko adds at the end.

Mizuiro sighs and rubs her eyes. This is even worse than she thought. She doesn't care about his opinion of her but she worked so damn hard since becoming friends with Nanami and Keiko to befriend the others too. And it worked for the most part, even leading to friends outside of the school – mostly Matsuri, she met some of his friends from school but never for long enough to make actual conversation. But now it seems like she's back to square one. Well not completely she hopes.

"You're not going to listen to him right?" She looks back and forth between them, worriedly gnawing on her lip.

"No way, he's an idiot."

"Yeah. We like you and it's kind of nice that you don't let him walk all over you."

She nods and feels the tears spring into her eyes. "Thank you."

"Don't cry!" Keiko says and pulls her into a hug. It makes Mizuiro's heart feel a lot lighter to know that she has such good friends and with that knowledge, it's easier to go back to school the next day and accept her suspension.

* * *

He fails her in her final written exam.

She gets her grade and breaks out in tears, from shock mostly. It's impossible that she was this bad even if she didn't manage to answer all the questions because of how obvious she was being about how she was definitely not cheating – she had been worried about it being an issue again so she was extra careful. Keiko and Nanami are indignant too, even going as far as loudly complaining to their Sensei who just gives them a warning look and puts their complaints down with a "There's always next year."

They silently fume next to her for the rest of the day while she just goes quiet. The fight hasn't left her completely yet but there's no use in making a scene right now. No, she'll wait until class is over.

She sends Nanami and Keiko away when they offer to wait for her – they know exactly what she's about to do – and says she'll catch up with them later. She's not sure she'll be able to look them into their eyes if this goes wrong and she'll have to go back to being a student instead of graduating with them. They invested so much time into helping her figure this out.

So she builds up all her courage and goes to the teacher's lounge. She knocks on the door and it takes a second before it opens. It's Iruka Sensei on the other side and she breathes a sigh of relief.

"Ah, you're Mizuiro right?" he says and she nods. She wasn't aware she was known amongst the teachers but with all the so-called trouble she caused it really shouldn't come as a surprise.

"Is Rikuri Sensei still around? I wanted to talk to him."

Iruka nods and lets her pass him. On her way to where Rikuri Sensei is sitting at his desk, she spots Suzume Sensei too. It's perfect because it means she's not only not alone with Rikuri Sensei but there is also at least one person here that likes her.

"Hello Rikuri Sensei," she says once she reaches his desk. Her voice doesn't shake, not even a tiny bit and she's proud of it.

He looks up at her, already frowning. Still, he manages to keep up an air of formality he never bothers with in class – one he clearly only ever uses around colleagues – when he says: "Mizuiro. What can I do for you?"

"I'd like to request access into my final exam. I want to know what mistakes I made, so I know what I need to focus on more the next time."

A second of unhappiness flashes across his face but then he turns, pulls out a drawer and picks through a stack of papers in it. Once he's found it he hands it to her and the second she lays eyes on it she knows that something is off. It takes her a little while to place it while she reads through it but the further she gets the clearer it is. There's no way this is the exam she wrote because these aren't even the answers she wrote down. Some of the pages yes, absolutely, she wrote those, she remembers them. But other pages are definitely not from her.

She looks back up and their eyes meet. She kind of wishes she could punch the smug smile out of his face. He thinks he's got her and god damn he would if she hadn't been preparing herself for this from the middle of the school year. She quickly thumbs through her exam again.

"It really is a shame that I had to give you this grade. You used to be such a good student. I don't know what happened this year."

She smiles sugary sweet. "Well, it's also a shame that you still think you're smarter than me." She doesn't bother lowering her voice, rather makes sure that it's loud enough to carry through the room.

"Geez, this again? I thought we were past this."

"And I thought you were honest enough to not use dirty tricks. "

"Mizuiro." It's a warning. He doesn't even have the slightest idea.

"What's the matter here?" Iruka Sensei asks and steps up next to her.

"Nothing. Just the usual trouble of an unhappy student," Rikuri Sensei says and his laugh sounds so fake.

"Rikuri Sensei is trying to fail me on purpose by switching out my real answers with wrong ones."

Iruka's eyebrows rise. "That's a harsh accusation."

"And an unfounded one at that."

"Really, Rikuri? She'd be risking a lot here. There must be some truth to it or she'd have talked to you in private first."

"Please. It's a well-known fact that she likes to cause trouble."

"Funnily enough though," Suzume Sensei adds from her desk. "All the complaints about her come from your desk. I've always wondered about that actually."

Mizuiro feels her own smile grow when Rikuri Sensei's face turns angry. "Let's say I did do this, which is honestly a ludicrous notion, how would you prove it?"

"Well you see," she places her exam on the desk and then pulls out a small stack of papers from her bag. "I taught myself a neat little trick a while back. There's a way to mint paper with chakra. It doesn't need much and it happening isn't really noticeable for ninjas that aren't of the sensory type. But once it's done it's clearly visible. And as you can see, I've been doing that with every single piece of paper I had to hand in since January." She flips through the pages and points out the embossing on each one. "You can check my old exams for them too."

Iruka Sensei holds out his hands for the papers and she hands them off to him. She watches him draw his fingers along the embossing and then he sighs. "Please give me her other exams."

"Come on, Iruka. There's no proof here. She could have secretly added them afterwards."

"Talking back and not following rules are one thing, breaking into school grounds and manipulating official documents is a serious offense."

"She's training to be a ninja. To interpret rules to your favor is part of the job."

"Rikuri just give him the exams. Trying to talk your way out of it will only make you look more guilty," Suzume Sensei chimes in from across the room and actually gets up to join their little group.

He grumbles to himself but gets up to get the other exams from the file cabinets in the corner. Suzume Sensei turns to her. "Did you teach this technique to yourself?"

Mizuiro shakes her head. "I read about it in a book and my friends helped me learn it. I'm not the best at chakra control so it was hard. But I'm sure it was worth it in the end."

"I see. It's a pretty old technique. I'm surprised you found it."

"I know. It was mostly used during the first and second ninja world wars since it was an easy way of ensuring your comrades that messages were from you and not an enemy since every chakra has a unique imprint just like a fingerprint but can still be easily recognized. Though with how much better letter encryption has become nowadays it doesn't see much use anymore and most ninjas don't even know it exists."

She nods. "That's all correct. You really do read every book you get your hands on, don't you."

It sounds like praise and Mizuiro feels herself bush. She ducks her head.

"Here you go," Rikuri Sensei says and drops a stack of paper on the desk. He crosses his arms in front of his chest and takes a step back. Iruka Sensei starts looking through them and after a while, he nods. "All there. On every single page."

"Then we just need to double check her final exam." Suzume Sensei pushes up her glasses and plucks her final from the table. She goes through the pages one by one, taking her time and with every minute that passes Rikuri Sensei seems to get angrier. Before she is even finished, he seems to have had enough. He turns towards Mizuiro.

"I've never run into a more obnoxious person. Not only have you been nagging me for the past six years because you think you're smarter than everyone, but now you're also trying to ruin my life. You are such a little bitch."

Suzume gasps in shock and Mizuiro feels her face fall.

"Rikuri! You are seriously taking this too far! She's still a child."

"No! She needs to fucking learn that she's responsible for this all by herself. I never did anything wrong. I was just trying to be a good teacher but she went and made me look stupid all the damn time." He straightens up and actually takes a menacing step in her directions. She reflexively takes a step back, knowing full well that she's no match for him, while Suzume and Iruka Sensei move towards him.

"You should probably go home, Mizuiro," Iruka Sensei says. "One of us will let you know what will happen but I don't doubt you actually passed."

She nods and takes a few more steps back.

"Screw all of you!" Rikuri Sensei yells after her while she flees from the room. "She doesn't deserve to pass."

She makes sure to leave the school grounds as fast as possible, her heart hammering in her chest. There's no way she's staying alone at her place, so it's a good thing that Nanami and Keiko threw her request in the wind and ambush her the second she's out of the gates to the school. She tells them everything on the way to her house and while she packs a bag that can last her a week or two at her friends' places, she finishes up with "I think I got Rikuri Sensei fired."

* * *

The next day at school it's indeed not Rikuri Sensei who enters the classroom when the bell rings but rather Iruka Sensei. Immediately excited mumbling spreads through the class. A substitute teacher always means less work and more talking even when they are as strict as Iruka. And that is welcome, especially with how close to their practical exam they are.

But instead of handing out paper work with questions for them to work on, he takes roll call and then closes their class-book again. He crosses his arms in front of his chest and looks at them. "Due to some rather unexpected circumstances we had to make some changes to your schedule for the last two weeks before your last exam. We know it's not ideal but with how the facts were presented we sadly couldn't leave Rikuri Sensei in charge of this class. So for the rest of your time here, I'll be his substitute."

Mizuiro feels her heart skip a beat. This sounds too good to be true. It's only two weeks but after six years of exhausting and unnecessary trouble, it feels like the perfect end to her time at the academy.

"Whaaaat? But why?" Shibire yells from his place in the last row.

Iruka Sensei makes eye-contact with her for a split second and she nods. They'll find out sooner or later anyway and at least this way it will be the whole story and no rumors will spread. With a sigh Iruka starts to explain. "Rikuri Sensei was severely misusing his position of power over you guys. I'm guessing most of you never directly experienced it and only saw how he treated your classmate Mizuiro. But what he did was wrong. Pointing out to your teachers or parents when they are wrong is never a bad thing. We are only humans too and yes we make mistakes. But Rikuri Sensei felt threatened by her being smart and abused his power so much that he ended up manipulating her final so that she'd fail. He took his own insecurities out on her and I'm going to tell you all right now that being a good teacher means learning for, with and from your students. Simply knowing everything about your subject isn't everything. So if any of you ever consider becoming a teacher at the academy or taking over a team one day, be aware of that."

The class is dead silent when he finishes and he watches them all for a moment. Mizuiro can feel a lot of their eyes on her and it makes her shift uncomfortably in her seat. She knows some of them actually liked Rikuri Sensei, so they probably are upset or angry right now.

"Now that we took care of this. Why don't we do some practicing for the practical exam. I'd like you to come to the front when I call your name and show me your Henge no Jutsu. Let's start with Makaro Akimichi."


	6. Summer 94 to August 97

_Shhh, I lied about updating on Friday. I didn't think I'd be this impatient about updating but here we are! So, enjoy!_

* * *

The last few weeks pass by in the blink of an eye and suddenly they are official Genin and not only that but they are also in the same team. They have no idea why that decision was made and Mizuiro can't remember ever ready or hearing about a Genin Team made up solely out of Kunoichi. Well except their Sensei. But his introduction is soft-spoken and gentle, accompanied by a friendly smile and she thinks she knows exactly why he got chosen for them.

That doesn't mean he doesn't work them hard though. He pushes them to their limits the first few training sessions, obviously figuring out if what they can do on paper translates into reality. It's exhausting but at least it shows how much training they already did together beforehand. He actually praises their teamwork when he gives them feedback and says it's one thing they don't really need to work on. But then he goes into the list of things that do require work and it feels endless. It's what they are here for though, to learn and to get better. After all, they all have goals they set their minds too.

So that's exactly what they do over the next few years of their lives when they aren't on missions. They work to make their goals come true and when at 15 – Nanami still at 14 – they pass the Chunin exams with flying colors they have a slumber party like they used to have during their time at the academy. Mizuiro doesn't even mind as much that her parents couldn't be there for the exams when they bring back a lavishly handcrafted katana and sheath for her as a present. She would have had to invest into a new one soon anyway since she'd been outgrowing her old one but this one looks so expensive and detailed that she's not even sure she wants to actually use it. She tries it out though at her parent's request and it's so smooth and light that she switches it out for her old one immediately. And it proves amazing in the last mission she'll do voluntarily for a while.

She's not sure how exactly it happens but she gets hurt badly. The kind of bad where a few millimeters farther to the left and the attacking ninja wouldn't have hit her rib but instead would have pierced her right through to her heart and lunge. It's a shocking reminder to her of how dangerous life as a ninja is. Not that she didn't know beforehand but when suddenly faced with the ice-cold reality it's different. And no matter the fact that she has to stay home for a few weeks to heal up and recuperate afterwards she still freezes up at just the idea of going on another mission. It's worrisome and the worst thing that could happen to her as a ninja.

She acts like everything is fine in front of her friends or avoids them as best as she can – her parents are still traveling, god bless – and it works for the most part. Until she runs into Matsuri one day and he doesn't let her go because he missed hanging out with her one on one. It comes like it has to even if she doesn't know how exactly it happens but one second she's crying in his arms and the next she's naked underneath him, losing her virginity. It doesn't hurt. It's just strange and awkward and wet because of her tears but not one second of it is unpleasant. It's not how she thought it would happen, even if she guessed it would be with him, and it leaves her with a need for more that she's not really comfortable with. So the second she gets the chance she sneaks out and leaves.

Even worse though is that two days later, still at the beginning of June, she's suddenly standing in the Hokage's office with Kakashi Hatake, Inoichi Yamanaka and two ninjas she doesn't recognize.

She listens in confusion and shock while the Hokage relays the mission details to them and feels her eyes grow wider with each second. This is at least an A-rank mission, if not an S-rank one since technically it's top secret, and they want her to be part of it. Her, who's been a Chunin for only a few months and just realized that she's not made out to be an actual ninja in the field. Apparently, Inoichi seems to have similar worries though and she's glad that it's not her who has to speak up about it.

"Hokage are you sure this girl here is a good choice? She barely passed the Chunin exams this year."

"Believe me, I'd have preferred to have her mother here today but since this mission is time sensitive I can't send someone to get her from god knows where in the Water Country first. Still, her abilities to remember things perfectly are needed. So Mizuiro will have to do."

She lowers her head and makes a face. It's kind of awful to hear it like that but she knows it's true. She's here because of her Kekkei Genkai and that's it. So she'll try to not cause any trouble.

"Alright," Inoichi nods and no one else bothers to bring up an argument why that ability maybe wouldn't be needed after all.

"Kakashi you'll be in charge of her. The second she has any kind of information I don't want her to leave your eyes for longer than it takes her to go to the bathroom."

He nods and turns to her. "Akiyama told me that he made sure you received proper Genjutsu defense training. I assume that you're able to withstand quite a bit because of that?"

It takes her a second to connect the name Akiyama with Yutaka Sensei – she doesn't think anyone ever called him that before because of how much he doesn't like it – but then she nods. "I obviously have never gotten into any dangerous situations but the longest I got through were four consecutive days with Kurenai Sensei."

"You should be fine then." He smiles, his mouth barely visible through the mask and his eye crunching up. It's a little creepy but at the same time, it's reassuring to know he trusts in her abilities a little. "Now. I'd like to get going within an hour, so go home, get what you need and then meet me at the main gate."

"And by an hour you mean two or three?" one of the still nameless ninjas chimes in, eyebrows raised.

"Show up on time and you'll find out."

* * *

Kakashi Sensei is the last one to show up but even he does so within the hour and they're signed out and on their way within a few minutes.

And that's when the real trouble starts, at least for her because while before she was kind of in shock still from being caught off guard with this mission, now there is nothing left but three days of traveling and her own thoughts. And they are viciously trying to make her remember how much she shouldn't be here, her heartbeat thumping in the still fresh scar on her back.

Since they received the mission details around early afternoon, it's not long before they have to break for putting up camp to rest. Technically they could all continue on but Kakashi's word is the rule and he wants them to settle down. So that's what they do. When he allots the times for night watch, she's surprised to not get one but accepts it without question. Though she hears the two other ninjas whisper about it later– she's started referring to them as A and B because they don't seem to even have names since they haven't been mentioned once, not even in the Hokage's office and nobody seems surprised about it. She has the slightest inkling that maybe they are part of the ANBU's but even then they should have gotten fake names for this mission.

The trend of her not having to do night watch continues for the next two nights but at least during the day, she doesn't feel like she receives any kind of special treatment. That she gets involved in their conversations is enough for her because it keeps her out of her head enough that she doesn't end up driving herself crazy. And since they don't run into any trouble, her heart grows a little lighter.

It's nearly dark when they reach the entrance to Sunagakure and are greeted by a ninja that introduces himself as Kankuro. He ushers them inside and through the village in a hurry, making sure to not stop until they reach the Kazekage's office. It makes the reality of how important and possibly dangerous this mission is much more clear when the Kazekage welcomes them with a serious expression and doesn't go into a whole spiel about welcoming them but instead leads them down to the meeting chamber with the words "The council members aren't happy with me involving Konoha, so this will be the first order of business."

* * *

"These are strictly confidential information. Are you sure you want to entrust Konoha with them?" one of the people around the table says and Mizuiro looks over at him, from where she is standing next to Kakashi's seat. He requested she stay close to him, while Inoichi is in the seat to his left and the possible-maybe ANBU's are nowhere to be found.

"I trust the Hokage and I am convinced this information and the prisoner himself would be in much better hands in Konoha. They have the Kyuubi and if it turns out that he was saying the truth, that they are after all the tailed beasts, Naruto will surely be a key piece."

"But Kazekage, as a host you are in danger too!"

"Unlike Konoha and Naruto, we're running out of time though. They could come back and try again tomorrow for all we know. So there's not much we can do outside of preparing as good as we can and handing the advantage to someone who'll have time to use it."

There's some mumbling within the other council members but they still don't seem quite convinced yet but none of them speak up again. From all that Mizuiro has heard from the Hokage and during this meeting though, it sounds like the smartest choice to her. And it makes so much sense that the Hokage picked Kakashi for the job now. As Naruto's Sensei he'll be one of the people most invested in protecting him but at the same time, he'll stay rational enough to realize the problems with this idea.

Kakashi clears his throat, pulling the attention towards him. "We're grateful that you want to place that much trust in us, Kazekage. But don't you think you're also handing over a risk to us if you give us the prisoner? Who's to say Akatsuki won't come looking for him first instead of attacking you again."

The Kazekage smiles. "I knew you'd ask this question. That's why I asked the Hokage to send one of your interrogators with you so that you can convince yourself of why they won't."

"I see." Kakashi nods and smiles cordially. "Though I'm certain we will get your records of everything he told since we don't have the means to do a full interrogation ourselves right now."

"Of course. I assume you brought someone from your encryption team too, to make sure the information is safe."

"Not quite, we decided against carrying around written information with all the recent trouble about messages being intercepted and even stolen. But our method is an equally good alternative."

"An alternative?" one of the other people at the table says. "What kind of alternative?"

"Her." Kakashi points unceremoniously at her and suddenly all eyes are on her. Mizuiro straightens up and feels the heat creep up in her cheeks. "But you'll understand that we don't want to offer up all our secrets either."

"She looks inexperienced. Is she really prepared for this job?" She feels her stomach drop and hopes it doesn't show on her face. It certainly doesn't help her feel better about her already low self-esteem about her ninja skills.

"You should put some faith in the Hokage," the Kazekage says. "You'd think she would send someone on a mission like this when they aren't fit for it?"

The guy crosses his arms in front of his chest but doesn't say anything in response.

"Are there any more complaints?" No one speaks up. "Then it's settled. Beginning tomorrow morning you will get access to our documents and to the prisoner. If you need anything we'll do our best to provide it. Now Kankuro would you please show our guests to their rooms."

* * *

Mizuiro is utterly confused when Kakashi tells her the next morning that instead of just copying files all day, she will be joining the short vocal interrogation while doing her job. But she's sure that he has his reasons. It's probably because he doesn't want to go back on his word and leave her alone after she required information but it's not like she'd be actually alone. One of the possible-maybe ANBU would have stayed with her in the original room.

But this way she gets a little table in the corner of the room where they are holding the interrogation and settles in with the files there. And it's not like she isn't curious about this former Akatsuki member so she doesn't mind being there.

Inoichi stays standing in the middle of the room while Kakashi and the other possible-maybe ANBU settle in chairs close to her table.

"You can bring him in now," Inoichi says.

It takes a while before there's any reaction but soon enough the door opens and three Suna ninja enter, in their middle the member of Akatsuki. He looks utterly unimpressed by everything happening but his posture is tense. They force him onto the chair and cuff him to it.

She stares at him. He's so much younger than she thought – he can't be more than a few years older than her – and she can't imagine what pushed him to abandon the relative safety Akatsuki was offering him for the hell he must be going through now.

"You're Konoha ninjas," he says and musters them. "I didn't know Suna and Konoha were on such good terms again."

"Special circumstances call for special measures," Inoichi replies.

Mizuiro feels Kakashi's hand come to her shoulder. A clear sign that she has work to do and that she should focus on it. Obediently she lowers her eyes to the papers before her and activates her Kekkei Genkai to start working. For the most part, she can block out the noise of their conversation even if she catches scraps of it from time to time. But to be honest the things she's reading have captured her attention completely. It's horrifying to read what the past four years of his life have been like and she has to stop every now and then to just breathe.

"You're good?" Kakashi mumbles at some point and she startles back to the present. With a blink, her Kekkei Genkai is deactivated and then she's looking at him. He's staring intently at her and she feels put on the spot. She nods, not trusting her voice to not betray how shaken up she actually feels. "Don't push yourself too much."

She nods again, though there is no pushing that could happen because really this isn't a lot of information in the context of what she reads on a daily basis and she should be done within the next ten minutes even if she takes time to make sure she really got every word. So she reactivates her Kekkei Genkai and focuses on getting this done without letting her thoughts stray.

She finishes faster, deactivating it again and straightening back up which pulls Kakashi's attention back to her.

"Anything noteworthy that we should ask him about?"

"Maybe," she mumbles and flips through the pages until she can point at a name. It might not be important in the bigger picture but she thinks Kakashi might care.

"Huh." He takes the page from her and skims through it before suddenly getting up and joining Inoichi. She watches him wait for a pause in the continuous back and forth of question and answers and then he hands the page to him. While Inoichi reads it, he speaks up. "Itachi Uchiha."

The former Akatsuki member, no, Deidara — he has a name and now that she knows so much about the why's and how's it's not fair to leave him nameless — freezes up, the air of tense disinterest leaving him. It's a shocking change and his voice is ice cold when he answers: "What about him?"

"He was the reason you joined Akatsuki."

"Don't make it sound like I wanted to join them. They forced me to."

She can't see Kakashi's face but his "I apologize." sounds a lot like he's smiling at him. "To me it read like you entered into a bet, knowing fully what the consequences where. That's a free choice you made, isn't it."

Deidara moves forward like he wants to lunge at Kakashi and two of the Suna ninjas are on him immediately, pulling him back in the chair. The cuffs clink against the metal of the chair. "It's his fault," he snaps, breathing hard, anger and hate in all of his body. "And I'm going to fucking kill him for it."

"That's all I wanted to know. Inoichi?"

"I have all I need, too. Let's take a break, so he can calm down. An angry mind is not a pleasant place to be."

It's a sudden end to the vocal interrogation. And within a few seconds Deidara is lead away by the Suna Ninja again and Kakashi motions for her to follow him. She hastens to gather the papers and together they leave the room. They go to the office of the Kazekage — at least she assumes it's his because he isn't there but it reminds her of the Hokage's office — and hand off the documents to Kankuro. Kakashi makes small talk for a moment and then they leave again. They wander through the building until they reach the room they are staying in.

"You probably have some questions," he says while closing the door behind her.

She shrugs her shoulders and sits down on her bed while Kakashi wanders over to the window. "A few."

"Then ask them. I'm not going to get angry at you or think you inexperienced because of it. I can't promise I'll answer everything though."

"Why did you make me come into the interrogation with you? I would have been safe with the ANBU wouldn't I?" She's still not sure that's what they are but he'll correct her if she's wrong.

"I have my reasons for not trusting them to watch you."

"Because they don't seem to like me much?"

"Partially."

"Okay." She nods to herself and twists her hands together. "Then my second question. Uhm I had a feeling Itachi's name could be important but you used it differently than I thought."

"Hm, you have a good eye for filtering out key information. It's a good ability to have in combination with your Kekkei Genkai."

"It's actually kind of necessary to have," she says. "I wouldn't know what to do with all the information otherwise."

"We needed Deidara to show emotions. Showing emotions means he's less likely to lie. And hate and anger are the best for that. You saw what just Itachi's name did to him. You can't fake that kind of hate. We could have pushed him further, of course, make him actually explode and yell but this was already enough to be convincing. For now at least."

She gets it better now and there's nothing else she's wondering about at the moment but apparently, Kakashi has a question for her too.

"Why did you think his name was relevant? Because of Sasuke?"

"Partially. But mostly because I thought it would maybe show Deidara's stand on Konoha and if his grudge could grow to involve more than Itachi."

He smiles at her. "You see the big picture. I like that."

"Yeah, it's not really useful in the field though. Since it's just knowledge based and not foreseeing." It's one of the things she realized after she got hurt. That she's good in theory but only as long as she has the information. "It gets dangerous."

"Akiyama told me that you got hurt on your last mission."

She pulls a face and automatically reaches back to touch her scar. It doesn't hurt currently but it's become a reflex.

"He also told me that you like to keep up the pretense of being happy with what you're doing when in reality all you want to do is leave. Like this mission. The panic in your face was very much obvious when you showed up in the Hokage's office and the relief when Inoichi brought up reasons as to why you shouldn't come was too."

"Well, I didn't really get time to recuperate mentally. So yes I wasn't excited about going on a mission again already." She sounds more defensive then she wants to but he hit the nail on the head. She pulls her legs up and presses her face against her knees.

"You should rethink your future. Being a ninja isn't a piece of cake and if you're struggling now then it won't get better later on."

"I want to help people though and being a ninja is the easiest way to do so," she mumbles.

He takes a moment to respond. "Maybe talk to Iruka then once we get back. After all being a teacher and shaping future generations is an important way of helping. It could be a great fit for you."

She shrugs her shoulders and the conversation is over. Though she doesn't stop thinking about it for the rest of the mission and the trip back, which is just as uneventful as the trip there. He might be onto something. Maybe she should think about becoming a teacher. It's at least worth some research.

Upon their return to Konoha, she basically gets looked up in a room until she wrote down all the information she received in Suna. Inoichi has to release the seal he put on them back in Suna before they left but afterwards he makes no move to seal the information back up.

She doesn't mind because she's exhausted and someone messing with her memories again so soon wouldn't be pleasant at all. It's a side effect of her Kekkei Genkai too, that it takes more effort to seal up memories because of the massive amount she can store in her brain. So someone rummaging around in her head is not only a higher workload for the jutsu user but also more exhausting for her body.

She sleeps a whole day after she's finally let go and then as soon as she's up again, she has to go back to the Hokage tower to check over what she wrote down to make sure she didn't make any mistakes because of exhaustion.

After the mission is completely done she's out of the loop about what further undertakings and decisions are made concerning Deidara. Yes, she tries to figure out if any of her usual sources for gossip are coming up with anything that could be of that direction but since she has to be careful about how and what she asks, nothing really comes up. So she just forgets about it and tries to figure out more serious problems.

Like what she wants to do with her life for example.

She hasn't talked to Iruka yet but has read up on teaching and what the process of becoming a teacher is like in Konoha. It's not particularly difficult, mostly just four years of practical training and a whole lot of 'how to work with kids'. It seems easy in comparison to becoming a Chunin. So easy in fact that she considers doing it just for the sake of having a fallback option if she decides against staying a normal ninja and talks her way out of taking over her parents' lantern business, too.

She makes the split decision to simply try it out on a warm summer morning while running errands for her mother.

It's two weeks until the beginning of the school year but the academy grounds are already bustling with activity and god it's been three years already since her graduation to Genin and she hasn't been back here since then. To be honest she doesn't have the best memories of this place but she's over that for the most part.

Nobody looks at her strangely while she wanders through the halls on her way to the teacher lounge. The doors are wide open when she reaches it but she still knocks out of courtesy before stepping inside. There aren't many people in the room so she has no problem to see that Iruka isn't there. She hesitates a moment too long in the doorway because the person closest to her, a young Kunoichi, catches her eye and smiles.

"Can I help you?" She looks vaguely familiar but Mizuiro can't remember ever seeing her before.

"Maybe. I was looking for Iruka Sensei."

"Oh, you just missed him. He went to clean up his classroom. Do you know where that is?"

"Yeah, thank you."

They smile at each other and then she leaves again, to make her way towards the classroom next to the one her class used to be taught in. And sure enough, he's currently cleaning the desks of the standard scribbles that amass during a school year.

"Hello Iruka Sensei," she says when he notices her.

"Ah, hello, uhm-"

"Mizuiro Kandeya."

"Right," he says, recognition clear on his face now, and puts down the rag. "What can I do for you."

"I came here by Kakashi Sensei's recommendation. He thought I might profit from talking with you about this."

"Sounds important."

"I was thinking about becoming a teacher. But I wanted to hear the opinion of an actual teacher on it before going to the Hokage to finalize it."

"I see. I need to finish up here first but then we can sit down to talk about this if you want."

"How about I help you? That way it won't take as long."

"Well, I won't say no to that offer."

* * *

The talk with Iruka is enlightening and she makes up her mind pretty quickly. Maybe it's just the way he phrased it but it seems like the job of a teacher is made out for her. Really it sounds perfect to her and she wants it more than continuing to work as a normal ninja right now. So it's an easy choice made.

But she'll have to talk to her parents. Because this will mean that she can't leave the village for more than a few days at a time most of the year — except during the breaks. During those times she's free to go where she pleases as long as she keeps up with her duties. And of course, her father blocks any kind of discussion off when she sits them down and tells them she wants this badly.

Yes, he listens to her until the end but he also tells her outright that he won't support this choice because she knows full well what it means. Not even her argument that she'll still help out and keep the business running in the village while they are gone, seems to warm him up to the idea. But at least her mother tells her that she thinks it's a nice fit for her and that it'll make traveling a little easier if she knows that her daughter is always at home and safe.

Mizuiro takes it as all the endorsement she needs and two days later — with barely a week left before the school year starts — she gets introduced to the teachers of the academy as a new assistant instructor.

Most of the faces there she remembers and independently of whether they remember her or not a lot of the teachers look at her with a friendly smile. But then there's the young Kunoichi that told her where she could find Iruka a few days ago. Her face turns sour the second her full name is said and once her introduction is over, she raises her hand and speaks up.

"She's the one who got Rikuri fired, isn't she? Do you really think it's a smart idea to let her become a teacher?"

Mizuiro feels the blood rush to her face. She wasn't aware that this was still something being talked about. Iruka sighs where he's standing next to her at the front of the room. "Noriko, your brother was responsible for that all by himself. And Mizuiro is a responsible young ninja that will make a wonderful addition to our team."

Noriko frowns and shrugs her shoulders. "We'll see about that."

And of course, something like this had to happen. What kind of fate is this that makes her find a perfect alternative to being a ninja, just to place the resentful sister of her old academy teacher in the midst. No wonder she looked so familiar. God, she hopes she won't have to work together with her a lot.

It is a fantastic start to a new part of her life.


	7. September 97

_Hello again_! _Just to let you know: from now on the point of view will sometimes switch between Mizuiro and Deidara, so that you get a better understanding of the hows and whys. Enjoy and thanks for reading!_

* * *

A week and a half into the new school year she gets called into the Hokage's office. She doesn't think too much of it until she's standing in the room and Inoichi and Kakashi are there again.

It's like a déjà vu and her stomach drops. With all the excitement of the past weeks, she forgot about this completely. "Is this about Deidara?"

"Indeed it is," the Hokage says, folding her hands underneath her chin. "He was transferred into our care at the beginning of the month in a top secret mission. Since then we've gone through some procedures to make sure he really is innocent and not being controlled by someone. But now we decided to change his accommodations a little to keep his goodwill."

Mizuiro tilts her head in confusion, looking back and forth between the others. "What does that have to do with me?"

"We need someone to supply him with food and other necessities. Kakashi and I have other things keeping us busy, so we can't do it but the Hokage wants someone she doesn't have to brief on the situation. So you are the only option left."

"We know you just started your job at the academy but this shouldn't consume too much of your time. Maybe an hour two times a week. Just buying the groceries, bringing them to him and checking on how he's doing. And on top of that a quick report every two weeks to me," the Hokage adds and it doesn't sound like she gets much of a choice here.

"Is that safe?" It's the only thing that pops into her head at the moment.

"We blocked his chakra as much as we could without risking damage to his body. And in the sense of Taijutsu, your abilities are enough to overthrow him since he's not at his strongest right now."

"We also developed a plan of keeping watch over him during the times you would be able to visit him so that you wouldn't have to wonder about whether or not you are on your own. And the door and windows are locked with a chakra seal that can only be opened by specific persons."

"Okay." It sounds fair and as safe as it could be. Probably. She really doesn't see any reason to say no. And it's not like she has to be actually around Deidara for long if it turns out she can't do it without getting nervous. That doesn't mean she isn't quietly freaking out on the inside though when she says, "I'll do it then."

"Fantastic. It's obviously a no-brainer that you won't mention this to anyone else."

"Of course, Hokage."

"And if you have questions or worries just come looking for one of us," Kakashi adds, smiling but Mizuiro can't quite return it, with how her stomach is twisted into knots.

* * *

She visits the apartment Deidara is being kept in the next day after she leaves the academy. She knows the building it's in — an older one with barely any occupants left in it, no matter the good exposure the building has. She likes checking out the adds for empty apartments around the city. Just out of curiosity, of course, she doesn't have the money to move out and with what she'll be earning as a teacher it won't happen any time soon either. And considering that she's alone at her parents' house most of the time anyway it's not like she actually has to.

At the bottom of the stairs, she hesitates a moment. Originally she wanted to buy the groceries first and then just drop them off. But after thinking it over for a while she thought it would be nice of her to ask if he had any foods he doesn't like or maybe even favorites. Now though she feels awkward for thinking that far. He's a prisoner no matter the place he's being locked up in. She shouldn't be treating him like she would a friend or even a stranger.

The wood of the door is cold against her left palm when she presses it against it. She focuses the chakra on the responding seal they placed in it and a moment later the door opens without any trouble. It's really that easy. She pushes it open further, keeping her eyes up and her right hand on the sheath of her katana, ready to jump into action. They told her he was behaving docile and apathetic but there's no telling if he isn't just waiting for someone to come by that isn't stronger than him.

There's no movement though and she steps inside, pulling the door closed behind her. It falls shut, the lock clicking back into place and then everything is quiet. The apartment smells stuffy — probably from month-long disuse still — but other than that it doesn't differ from any other standard apartment. Tiny open kitchenette to the left, door to the bathroom on the right and the hallway opening up into the living room from where the bedroom can be reached too. Enough for two people in theory. But only if you're out of the apartment most of the day.

She takes the few steps down the hall until she can oversee the living room. She spots Deidara immediately. He's standing in the opposite corner of the room, back to the wall and fists clenched at his side. When they make eye contact he seems to relax a little and after they've both simply stared at each other for a while he says "I remember you."

She smiles hesitantly and fights against the urge to nervously twist her hands in front of her. He can probably read it in her body language anyway but she should still pretend to be just fine with being here. "I was part of the team send to Suna, yes."

His face twitches but he bites his lip and doesn't say anything else.

"I'm supposed to buy you groceries for an unforeseeable time." She glances around the room, it's sparsely furnished, just an old coffee table, a relatively okay looking loveseat and a side table with a lamp on it. She immediately figures that she needs to bring him some form of entertainment — books, most likely. They are the safest choice — to keep him busy. Else he'll probably go crazy within a few weeks. Not that books are ideal for a long-term situation either but for now they'll be enough. "Do you have any food you don't like? Or maybe things you'd like to eat?"

He just stares at her and doesn't respond. It feels awkward fast and after a few minutes, she lowers her eyes. "I guess not. That's okay too."

She'll figure it out by herself sure. It's not a real problem, just might take a bit longer, than the other alternative. But with the budget she got for this, she shouldn't run into trouble with being less choosy. She smiles awkwardly at him. "I'll come back later then and bring you the groceries."

He still doesn't speak, doesn't even nod his head in response, just keeps staring at her and she can't anymore. So she leaves the apartment again and the second the door snaps shut behind her, she feels a weight drop off her chest. This is going to be hard.

* * *

The second the door snaps shut behind that girl, he gasps and presses his hands to his eyes. His heart is hammering in his chest and he can't breathe properly. What are they doing? Are they messing with him on purpose? He doesn't understand what they are trying to do with him, to him. It doesn't matter. He sags back against the wall. It's cold against his back and helps ground him a little. It doesn't settle the confusion in his head though and his breathing stays unsteady for far too long.

How good of an actor would she have to be to fake that unease? It was clear as day that she was scared. But of him though? He's not in any position to do anything, his chakra is blocked and all he feels is tired and exhausted right now. And if she really was scared than who is she? Why was she part of the group that traveled to Suna for him? Why is she the one supposed to visit him? She can't be of Jonin level, can't be someone strong enough to overpower him if he seriously tried to attack her — but with his chakra blocked maybe? — if she looks scared just facing him. He doesn't understand this, anything. He just wants to sleep. But she's coming back. He can't let his guard down, he can't — he doesn't trust them to not change their mind suddenly. They are already being too nice to him — an apartment really? Why? He could have stayed and rotted in the cell he was in for the first few weeks. They have his information, his life in their hands, what else do they want from him? He didn't attach his confession to conditions. Not that it would have mattered with how they went through his head, dissected every memory, every experience for truth and jutsus put on him.

They came up empty of course. He was smart, he didn't push Sasori that far. He knows there was someone in Suna under his command through a jutsu. He knows Sasori was able to do those things to people but he never pushed him far enough for that. Never misused his trust that much, even if he fucked up regularly on purpose. It sucks, he would have done things sooner if he had the chance but he had to wait. All that wasted time, wasted part of his life.

The door clicks open. He startles, pushes back onto his feet — how long was he sitting on the ground in the corner? He didn't feel his legs give out. He didn't feel anything besides the panic and confusion. There's cold sweat trickling down his neck and his back is drenched. He can feel his hair sticking to his face. It's uncomfortable, it's gross and she'll certainly notice. There's no way she won't wonder then, try asking questions. He doesn't know what her purpose is. He's frozen in the corner, listening to her footsteps but they never come close. They stay in the kitchen area, wandering back and forth but never coming close. Does she know? Did she realize what her first visit did to him? How uncomfortable he feels right now and here and just in general?

He wishes he could blow something up, blast away all the questions in his head and replace them by the familiar ringing in his ears and the quiet settling afterwards. But he can't.

She only enters the living room for a few seconds, near the end of her second visit. She's smiling nervously again — why, why, why? — and says, "I forgot to introduce myself earlier. I'm Mizuiro Kandeya. If there's anything you need, please tell me. Or write a note if you don't want to talk to me."

Then she leaves for good and silence settles over the apartment. Slowly but surely his brain follows too and after he's waited a while to make sure she won't come back suddenly, he lays down in front of the window, flat on his back. He's in view of everybody passing by on the rooftops, of everybody possibly watching him right now. He doesn't care. It's not a safe place but it's the only place that gives him enough natural light, to make it feel a little like he's outside, camping in a hidden ditch with Sasori. It's the only place where he feels comfortable sleeping. They gave him a bed. He hasn't touched it. He didn't spend much time on the cot in the cell either. It's too much, it's a trick, they'll take it away sooner or later.

Notwithstanding the above, he hasn't had a full night's rest in over a month. It's cut off by nightmares, unfamiliar noises waking him, not feeling safe, everything. He's lucky when he sleeps three hours straight and everything they did to him — so many memories pushed to the forefront of his mind, so many things he forgot, so many things he wanted to forget — made him so tired. Mentally mostly but physically too. Or maybe that's just the lack in chakra. He doesn't know.

He closes his eyes and drifts off.

* * *

Mizuiro touches the seal on the door and lets her chakra flow into it. A second later the door clicks open. She pushes it open further and steps inside, making sure that the door is shut completely behind her before she focuses on anything else.

"I brought food," she says into the seemingly empty room and kicks of her shoes. She doesn't bother with a greeting since she knows she won't get a response anyway. Not that Deidara really responds to anything else she offers. He's pretty much stopped talking since he came to Konoha from what she's heard and the four weeks she's been supplying him with food and books hasn't proven her different — yes he said a few words to her once in a while but it's not the norm. On top of that, she wonders if it maybe has something to do with him not knowing what the hell is going on. She'd certainly be confused in his place if she was locked up in a semi-comfortable apartment instead of a cell. To be honest she's wondering about it even though she's not in his position. She assumes the Hokage had her reasons for it but she sure as hell can't figure them out. Keeping his goodwill doesn't seem like enough.

She throws a glance into the living room on her way to the small walled off kitchenette and sure enough, he's lying on the floor in front of the big window, the sun only covering a patch of the spot he's in, and staring at the ceiling. He's been doing that a lot, lying around in the sun. She assumes he misses being outside. After all, he spent nearly four years out and about and now he's suddenly stuck inside.

With a sigh she starts putting away the groceries she brought along, discovering again that even for a person who does nothing all day, he's not eating enough. Not that she has any idea how much he used to eat before but it must have been more than this. It's kind of upsetting that she knows so much about him but not really anything of importance.

And whatever the hell the Hokage is trying to achieve, Mizuiro is pretty sure it isn't working. She seriously needs to talk to her and also come up with a way to at least temporarily fix this by herself if the Hokage doesn't budge. Because having him lead a miserable existence until someone decides he isn't needed anymore, isn't a solution.

She finishes her job in the kitchenette, throwing some things away and making a mental note to take the trash with her when she leaves, and then walks out to the tiny, barely furnished living room again. She can feel his eyes on her but continues her way to the rickety couch table by the couch. There are two stacks of books on there that she brought with her two weeks ago. He must have started reading them after all. Or maybe he just restacked them. She's not sure but she also doesn't think she'll get an answer from him if she asks.

"You can take the right stack. They're boring."

She startles at the sound of his voice and turns to him. He's pushed himself up a little and is looking directly at her. Every single time he's said something to her she's been surprised but still, she appreciates it. "Do you-" her voice cracks a little and she clears her throat. "Do you want me to bring you some more?"

He shakes his head.

"Alright." She turns back, plucks a scroll out of her pouch and unrolls it, places it onto the loveseat and the books on top if. A few hand seals later they're gone and she rolls up the scroll again. She tucks her loose hair behind her ears, to make sure none of it is in her vision and returns to the side table. She concentrates her chakra on her eyes and a second later feels the familiar sharpening of her awareness. She lets her eyes scan over the titles of the books and oh yes she can see why he likes them. She knows there are more like them in the library and there's also that one she has at home. Maybe also - the second she notices Deidara's hand in the corner of her vision, she inhales sharply and reflexively grabs his wrist to push it down. He looks startled by her reaction but there's an unmissable curiosity in his eyes and oh that's burned into her memory forever. She blinks and the sharpness of the world is gone but his eyes are still at the forefront of her mind.

"What kind of jutsu was that?" he asks.

"It's a Kekkei Genkai," she replies automatically. She lets go of his wrist and takes a step back. He's not really in any position to attack her, with his chakra still repressed by a seal, but she's still a little wary with him this close. It's unsettling.

"What does it do?"

"Uhm it's official name is Shashin Shisen. But it's not really taking pictures. It's more like a photographic memory. When it's activated it sharpens my visual senses and the rate at which I can process new and old information rises rapidly and even when I deactivate it the information is still there and usable."

He tilts his head. He looks genuinely curious and it's been a while since anybody was actually interested in this. She's a little surprised this is what got him talking but she sees it as a plus, so she continues explaining it. "Using it for too long at a time can come with the simultaneous delay of other senses though. For me, that mostly affects my sense of hearing."

"So you go partially deaf?"

She shakes her head. "No, it's more like the information not going through properly. So it's literally a delay between seeing someone speak and actually hearing them for example."

"Huh, interesting."

"Well what also might interest you is that I already have twenty-two other books in mind I can bring you when you're done with these."

His eyebrows rise. "Not bad."

She grins and for a moment they look at each other, before he averts his eyes, shoving his hands into his pockets. Her smile drops a little and she glances over at the clock on the wall. It's already close to three pm and she has to leave soon if she wants to be on time for training.

"Any specific meals you want me to buy for next week?"

He shrugs and it kind of makes the mood shift again. He draws back into himself and she has to suppress a sigh. She was kind of hoping this conversation would have him be a little more agreeable but apparently no such a luck.

"I'm sure I'll figure something out." Like she did the last four weeks. To be honest she's just been buying the same things twice, once for him and once for her, only slightly changing it up when she sees he didn't eat something — like the celery. She looks back at the couch to make sure she really repacked the scroll. "Well I have training soon, so I gotta go."

He nods and then wanders off to the window again. There's not a single speck of sun left by it but he still stands in front of it and just stares into the distance. He looks just as apathetic again as he did when she first saw him today and it kind of feels like all kind of apparent progress she made disappeared just as quickly again. She grabs the trash bag from the kitchenette and with a quick "I'll see you next week." she leaves, making sure to check the seal after she closes the door behind her.

* * *

He let himself go for a moment. He got curious when he noticed the sudden spike in her chakra. But in turn, he got answers. Answers he wanted, answers he needed. Not many of them but at least a few of his questions aren't in a constant loop in his head anymore. Granted they were smaller ones but in the end, he doesn't care. Everything helps.

But the most surprising thing is still that she answered his question. She didn't look at him like he'd done something wrong in asking but instead just gave him an answer straight to the point. He wonders what else she would tell him if he asked. Would she say why it's her taking care of him? He noticed again how scared she looked — even if her reflexes were quick and on point. Would she tell him what their plan for him is? Why he's locked up here? He wonders and he knows his curiosity will get the best of him sooner or later. It's a fight he's already lost and to be honest for once he doesn't care about keeping his cool.

So he makes conversation with her and she looks so surprised when he starts talking the next time but then after a while she gets this pleased little smile on her face. Like she's glad he's talking. He can't imagine she really is but he apparently did something right. He keeps his questions easy, carefully testing out what is and what isn't okay to ask and to get a feeling for what she'll answer.

A lot as it turns out. At least the easier questions send her on a seemingly endless monologue and she goes off on a tangent more often than not. And she knows a ton, she mentions things he's never even heard of before and it leads to so many new questions that it makes his head swim again. But it also distracts him from the whole situation he's in. It's a nice change and it makes him want to have her around more. Even if it means he'll have to answer her questions too. Not all of them but he knows she'd rather buy him food he likes, so he willingly gives her answers on that topic. To be fair he's tired of eating things he doesn't enjoy as much, too. So it's useful in the end.

* * *

The weeks after that she makes sure to visit him on days when she has nothing to do afterwards. She also splits her shopping trips to two days, so she has a reason to check on him more often. And so that she can try talking with him some more. It's partially successful up to the point where he starts making conversation by himself and actually asks her things that she's happy to answer. He even asks her to stay for a little longer one time, after she just finished talking for ten minutes by herself. But she's actually happy about that and since he seems to enjoy listening to her talk, she'll gladly continue doing so. She even manages to get his favorite foods out of him, which she counts as a personal victory in itself.

Still when it's time for another bi-weekly update to the higher-ups about how he's doing she's still not happy with the situation. He's still not eating enough and by now she can see the effects it's having on him. And the lack of fresh air and movement have become startlingly apparent too.

So she actually makes an effort this time to see the Hokage directly and not just hand in her report to Shizune. That she gets lucky on her first try is surprising, considering what the rumor mill about Akatsuki's scheming is saying — apparently they attacked Suna again and were successful this time.

"I don't have a lot of time right now, so this better be quick," is the first thing the Hokage says to her once she's closed the door behind her. She seems stressed which isn't a good time to bring this up at all but well she at least has to try.

"Of course," Mizuiro replies and rattles down the usual things she mentions in her reports. When she's done she takes a deep breath and before the Hokage can dismiss her, she adds "I actually also have a request concerning him."

She holds eye contact with her and waits for the slight incline of her head as the go ahead. "I don't know what you're planning for him and I can assure you that I'm not trying to undermine any of your decisions but I made assumptions on what I heard here and there and from the mission details back when we were asked to help interrogate him. And based on that I came to the conclusion that you're trying to use him as an asset in a possible fight against other Akatsuki members but I'm worried that he won't be of any use if we keep him locked up like that."

The Hokage's eyebrows lower and her mouth twist into a frown. "Keep going."

"I mentioned before that he's not eating properly and that being locked up seems to be taking its toll on his physique too. I'm not a Medicnin, so maybe under his conditions, it's still in the range of healthiness and maybe he's doing things to keep his strength up too. I'm not sure. And I'm sure he didn't expect to be welcomed with open arms in return for the information he gave us but to me, it feels like this could lead to him actually regretting his choice and maybe even turning on Konoha if he ever gets the chance to."

"Has he made any remarks in that direction?"

"No, but it also took me nearly five weeks to get his favorite food out of him, so I don't see why he'd tell me something like that. Anyway, the point is that we don't know how long it's gonna be until Akatsuki targets Konoha or rather the ninetails. It could be three months. It could be three years. And if my assumptions are correct it would be in our best interest to ensure that he stays on our side and healthy for as long as we need him to be our ally and to achieve that we need to treat him differently."

"You seem like you thought about this a lot already."

"I tried to come up with solutions that wouldn't include unreasonable requests to you and the other higher-ups. Because after all even if he's got his chakra sealed, he's still an S-rank Nukenin and that means he needs to be watched at all times. Who knows what he got up his sleeves. So if there was a way to keep him happy and useful without letting him leave the apartment I would be all for it. But I couldn't find anything, so I'm making a formal request to be allowed to take him outside."

The Hokage leans forward in her chair, folding her hands and resting them on the table. She's staring directly at her and it takes everything in Mizuiro to not just bow her head and take everything she just said back. It feels like an eternity before the Hokage purses her lips and says "I need to talk to a few people so don't get your hopes up too high. And I need you to understand that if this goes through and anything goes wrong you will be the one held responsible for the fallout. So I want you to think long and carefully about whether or not you still want to be the one doing this job. Now go."

"Thank you, Hokage." She bows her head a little and then practically flees the room. Her hands are shaking — god she hates requesting things outside of the rules — but at least she did go through with this. And now the only thing she can do is wait.

* * *

It takes a surprising two and a half weeks for her to get called back to the Hokage tower. By now she's sure that even Nanami and Keiko noticed that something is going on — she's still a little bitter that she was sworn to secrecy about this whole thing. On one hand, she completely gets why but on the other, it's so hard lying to her friends about why she's so busy even after she finished working at the academy. At least she doesn't have to come up with a lie as to why she isn't allowed to go on missions at the moment — god bless academy rules.

But outside of that, she's technically been on a mission for nearly three months now. On top of that, it's an S-Rank one which holy shit, she's fifteen and a Chunin, and she's glad her parents aren't home because if they knew she's doing this they'd go crazy. And it's not even that the pay is spectacular. Yes, it's way more than she ever received before but in comparison to what a normal S-Rank mission entails, it's nothing.

There are a lot more people in the Hokage's office than she expected when she arrives. The Hokage and Shizune were expected of course. But furthermore, there's Sensei Yutaka, which of course makes sense, he wasn't happy to begin with, that she joined the mission to Suna and he still sort of feels responsible for Team 4. Then there's Kakashi and Inoichi also perfectly fine because they were part of the initial mission too. And then there's Iruka who looks like he has no idea why he's here in the first place.

"Please close the door."

She pushes it shut and then turns back to the group of people. She steps a little closer to them and then just waits. The Hokage is staring at her intently but nobody says anything. So Mizuiro clears her throat and starts the conversation.

"Sensei Kakashi, the Kazekage is save again, I assume." Out of the corner of her eye, she can see Yutaka sigh. He's never liked how much information she gets from everywhere and everyone, being convinced it'll get her in trouble one day.

"He's doing well but Akatsuki got what they wanted."

"I see."

The Hokage sighs. "I'm not gonna ask how you found out about that top secret mission. You're already causing enough trouble as it is."

She swallows and ducks her head in embarrassment. She didn't know she would be this right with her assumption about the mission the former Team 7 left on. She literally only heard rumors about Naruto being sent on a mission to Suna directly after arriving back in the village and just put it in the timeframe she had for everything else happening. "What's the verdict for my request?"

"I'm not happy about admitting that you might be right. He's still very much a prisoner and it will stay like that. But we had him brought in for questioning again and Inoichi went through some of his recent memories when he wouldn't talk and found out enough to base an informed decision on it. But first I need to know if you've changed your mind."

"I didn't. There's no benefit in resetting the small progress I've made with him and after the Kazekage was attacked again who knows how long we have until it's our turn."

"Alright." Tsunade turns to Iruka who's still looking slightly confused. "Iruka, for the unforeseeable future Mizuiro's hours at the academy will be cut short. Her apprenticeship will have to take a back seat for a while. I know she hasn't been with you for long so I don't think it should be a problem."

"If she's okay with that then I guess I'm too. It's not like we're at a level where she can't take it easy."

"Furthermore if she requests it, she'll get a classroom after hours to teach him in."

"Uhm sure. Just who exactly are we talking about here?"

"The former Akatsuki member that handed himself over to the Kazekage and was then handed over to us," Kakashi says.

"An Akatsuki member? She's taking care of an Akatsuki member?" He looks a little shocked but it quickly morphs into anger. "We have an Akatsuki member in the village? Are you going insane Hokage?"

"Iruka let's discuss this once we're done here. I know for a fact that some of us have other things to do today."

He glares at her and shakes his head. He's obviously worried and probably rightly so with his close relationship to Naruto.

"So back to the matter in hand. Mizuiro's been already pulled from all future Team 4 missions since she's generally speaking on a mission right now. But if you find you need her you can request exceptions, Yutaka."

"What are we supposed to do if Nanami and Keiko start asking questions?"

"I don't see why they would but if it does come up in any shape or form, lie. Tell them Mizuiro is busy at the academy. This is none of their business right now."

"Well we'll see if that works," Mizuiro mumbles to herself. She's horrible at lying and Yutaka isn't that good either.

"Now, Mizuiro, I made the decision that you will be allowed to take him outside. Keep it to twice a week for now. And this happens as a trial for now, so if he screws up we take the privilege away from him again. Please make that clear to him. Of course, you will be shadowed on all occasions so you won't need to worry about being overwhelmed by him. But it also means there's no use in lying to us about details. So we need you on your best behavior and aware of your surroundings. Be alert and avoid taking him to risky places, like the training areas or common meeting places for other Ninjas. Also, we need you to come up with a cover story, it should be obvious that you can't tell anyone who he really is. You're allowed to take him to the academy and use the material there to tell him about Konoha's history or whatever you see fit. Just make sure to show him clearly what our values are and how much worth we put into them. Understood?"

She nods.

"Alright. Furthermore, I want you to give weekly feedbacks now and to tell me, Kakashi or Inoichi about any suspicious behavior he shows or hints at. Inoichi will also tell you about what we found out with our check-in. If you have any questions or worries that come up during the next few weeks, come to one of us or even Yutaka if none of us are available. All four of us got all the details and I gave the three of them the authority to decide in emergencies. Any questions?"

"I don't think so. Though I'd actually prefer if I did not get all of the details on what you found out. Just the important ones if possible. I feel like we've already invaded his privacy enough as it is and I don't think he'll ever trust anyone if we keep sharing his thoughts between all of us."

"I'll try keeping it short then," Inoichi says.

"Thank you."

* * *

Mizuiro brushes her hand over the seal and opens the door. She's kind of excited. Today's the first time she's officially allowed to take Deidara out and also the first chance she had to actually tell him about it. She hopes he'll take it well and not think she's trying to make fun of him or something. She didn't even bother combining this visit with buying groceries for him since she wanted an excuse to come back tomorrow if he does take it badly.

"Good morning!" she says loudly enough for it to echo a little in the seemingly empty apartment. There's no answer as usual but she's sure he isn't asleep anymore. It's already past eleven and it can barely be called morning anymore. Sure enough, he appears in the doorway to the bedroom, arms crossed in front of his chest and an angry look on his face. It's unexpected but not new. She had been on the end of his short fuse a few times already. Though she guesses he's passing on his anger on the interrogation team members onto her this time.

"What do you want?"

"I have a surprise for you."

"What is it this time? Another stupid card game?" Yeah no, she won't be that dumb again. He not so very nicely kicked her out the day she offered to play cards with him.

"No something much better."

He raises an eyebrow.

"But first I need to apologize because it's partially my fault they pulled you in for interrogation again. I didn't know that would happen so I'm really sorry."

"What did you do?"

"I requested to be allowed to show you around the village every now and then and I got the permission."

For a slight second, there's something akin to joy in his facial expression but it's gone just as quickly as it came. "Where's the catch?"

"There's none. The only things you need to know is that we'll be shadowed at all times and that a single misstep will get this privilege taken away again. Oh, and we'll surely end up running into people who know me and want to know who you are. To them, you'll be a friend of my cousin Kaito who's thinking about moving here because this mission is still kept under wraps." She stops for a second, he looks a little dumbfounded. "So you wanna smell some fresh air again?"

"Seriously no catch?"

"Nope."

"Okay."

She smiles. "Great! Get a sweater, it's a little fresh today and we don't want to have to cut this short right?" Logically she knows that he's a ninja too and that all of them are used to being in weird weathers and temperatures in unfitting clothes. But from what she read she's pretty sure their bodies subconsciously regulate body heat with chakra in those situations and well she's not sure whether he can do that or if the seal prohibited that too. "Oh and if you could tie up all of your hair that would be great too. Just to make you look less like your bingo book picture."

He raises an eyebrow at first but follows both her requests. He's already wearing shoes when he comes back out of the bedroom.

* * *

He stops responding to anything she says, the second they leave the building he's living in. He withdraws and straightens up, clearly on edge and more importantly on guard. She knows he too must have noticed the Jonin following them by the way he keeps checking over his shoulder.

So she makes small talk on her own, telling him little tidbits about streets and buildings, mentioning in passing the shop she buys his groceries at and where her parents always took her to get ice cream. Just random thoughts that pop into her head when she sees certain things and it seems to help him relax a little.

Though that's over the second somebody calls her name from behind them.

"Oh damn it" she mumbles but still stops and turns. Deidara stops too, though he keeps looking up at the Hokage monument, and she makes sure to position herself so that she can keep him in her sight.

"Natori, hey," she says when he reaches them. Deidara turns towards them a little more, clearly mustering Natori.

"You weren't at the academy today and nobody could tell me where you were, Mizu-chan." He sounds a little accusing but there's still a smile on his face when he plucks a piece of paper out of his pouch and hands it to her.

"Sorry, I asked for fewer hours since I have some other things to take care off at the moment. But thank you for bringing me their letter."

"Just don't make a habit of it. I can't run through the whole village all the time because you decide working is no fun."

"Well, it's not like you can judge that. I remind you that kids are way more difficult than birds."

"Sure." He jokingly rolls his eyes but it seems to draw his attention towards Deidara, who's lost interest in their conversation and is staring at a rooftop – she assumes it's the one where the Jonin that's following them is hiding. "So who's this guy here?"

He startles, blinks and looks over at them, clearly not expecting that he would be noticed.

"This is Deidara," she immediately jumps into his rescue and damn she should have thought of a different name too, shouldn't she. "He's a friend of Kaito and he's thinking about moving here, so I'm showing him around a little."

Natori's eyes narrow. "Two questions. Is he as much of an asshole as Kaito? And is he staying with you? Because I'll have to report that back to your father."

Now it's her turn to roll her eyes and she harshly stabs her finger into his chest. "No to both. And you are not my big brother as much as you like to pretend you are, so shut it. Also, it's none of my father's business what I do when they leave and you know that. If he wants to make sure I follow his rules, he should be here and check himself and not make you his spy."

He defensively raises both his hands. "You know why I do this."

"Yes but that doesn't mean I have to like it!"

"Alright, alright. Don't worry. I won't go into details with him. I have more important things to worry about then you being mad at me."

"Great, thank you. Now was there anything else?"

"Actually yes," he says and steps closer to her. His voice is quieter when he starts talking again. "Did you hear about the rumors coming from Suna? I know you've been interested in that lately, so I thought I-"

"Right now is really not the time," she interrupts him and gives him a look that she hopes conveys how very much she wants him to shut up right now. She nervously glances back at Deidara, who's back to watching them closely.

"What? Is your friend not supposed to know how much information you collect without anyone knowing?"

She feels her cheeks heat up and says "This is not about that. So let's just leave it at the fact that I already know about it."

"I see. Then I guess I'll see you at dinner on Sunday." He starts walking backwards, eyebrows raised and clearly not satisfied with her answer.

"Yeah. Thanks for bringing me their letter." She smiles gratefully at him and he gives her one last nod before he jumps up onto a roof and disappears. She sighs and turns back towards Deidara. "I'm sorry for him. He's a family friend and I-"

She startles when he grabs her lower arm and after a quick look around tugs her off the street into an alleyway between buildings. "What are you doing?" she hisses at him. But instead of answering he forcefully turns her around and corners her against the wall. She feels her heart jump into her throat in panic while the more rational part of her brain immediately starts assessing the situation for ways to get the upper hand again.

"What rumor was he talking about?"

He's glaring at her but she's not about to just back down. She tries tugging her arm free but he doesn't budge. "Let me go."

"Does this have to do with them?"

"I'm not allowed to talk to you about these things, so back off."

"Mizuiro, please."

She bites her lips and finally looks away. It's a weird feeling to have him address her by her name. She can't remember him ever having done that before. The fact that he's saying please doesn't make her feel better either.

"I can't-" she starts but gets interrupted by a noise to their left. They both look over and she uses his surprise at the interruption, to shake off his hand and step out from between him and the wall. The Ninja standing at the end of the alleyway musters them and she assumes he's the Jonin that was assigned with watching them.

"Everything alright here?" He's looking directly at her, clearly only caring about her response.

She straightens up and swallows done the nervousness that's starting to rise in her. "We're good."

"Sneaking around in alleyways doesn't make you seem trustworthy. So keep to the main streets from now on," the ninja warns them and she nods with a tight smile. "Also I'll have to report this."

She crosses her arms in front of her chest. "I'm aware. But as you saw nothing was going on. We were just talking."

"Just remember you'll be the one in trouble if you can't manage to keep him in line."

"Like I said, I'm aware. Can we leave now?"

"Go ahead." He's gone within a second, probably off onto a roof again and she angrily huffs before starting to walk back towards the main street. She can hear Deidara fall into step behind her. This experiment could have started out so much better but no, they had to fuck it up on the first day. And she can't even be mad at Deidara because it's not his fault that they ran into Natori who couldn't keep his mouth shut.

"Watch it," Deidara says and tugs her out of the way of a group of people she nearly bumps into. She looks up at him and then shrugs his hand off again. He sighs heavily. "Does this mean a lot of trouble for you?"

"For me? No. Why should it? I didn't do a thing. You were just trying to get me to talk in the most inconvenient way possible on your first day allowed outside after getting a clear warning off only having one strike."

"Guess I played myself then."

"We'll see. But maybe we should head back before we run into any more trouble."

"Lead the way."

They don't talk during the walk back but her head is spinning with thoughts about whether or not she should tell him about Akatsuki successfully capturing the Kazekage. She didn't even contemplate it before. Now that he knows something's going on though, she kind of feels like she has to. Because what good will it do him if he hears the rumors and then goes back to being locked up by himself and with only his thoughts as company. That'll surely drive him mad.

It takes her until she's already halfway to her parent's house after bringing him back, to make up her mind. She immediately turns around and makes a beeline back to his apartment. She's not sure if there's somebody watching it 24/7 but if there is, it'll look weird for her to show up again. So she makes sure to loudly say, "I'm sorry, I forgot something!" when she enters his apartment. She's not sure it'll fool anyone but well she can try.

He's not in the living room or kitchenette, so she hesitantly peaks her head into his bedroom. He's lying on the bed but staring directly at the door. He looks surprised to actually see her — he probably assumed she'd be in and out without talking to him. She closes the door behind herself and swiftly walks over to him.

"What are you doing?" He sits up and she hesitates a split second before sitting down on the edge of the bed, so she doesn't have to look at him while saying her part. That it places her with her back to the window, making anybody outside unable to read her lips is a bonus.

"I shouldn't be telling you what I'm about to tell you. But after what you did I think it's only fair that you get some information back."

Out of the corner of her eye, she can see him tilt his head curiously.

"Akatsuki made their move. They finished up your job a few weeks back. But the Kazekage is alive and safely back home." She turns a little towards him and can clearly see how hard he's clenching his jaw. "The team send to rescue the Kazekage actually also managed to kill your former partner."

"Sasori is dead?"

She nods.

He actually laughs a little at that and rests his head on one of his hands. "God I would have loved to see his stupid face when he realized that art isn't a thing for eternity after all."

"So this is good news to you then?"

"It's fantastic news. Not that I wouldn't have preferred to end him myself but you know. Beggars can't be choosers. At least this way I have one less thing on my list once I'm allowed to move freely again."

She swallows and looks directly at him. "About that. I really hope you know what I'm risking here. The fact that I even know these things is not good for me and if somebody finds out that I told you. Let's just say it'll be troublesome, okay?"

"Don't worry. Something like today won't happen again. I have no interest in landing myself in an even worse situation than being locked up in this apartment."

"That's good to hear." She smiles and he actually returns it, though it's more of a smirk. It suits him though and it makes him look more at peace with this whole thing than she has ever seen him look before. She stretches her legs out and then gets up again. "I really should leave now. I already stayed way too long, for just having forgotten something."

She grabs one of the books of his nightstand. "I'll give it back to you the next time I'll visit."

"It's fine."

She can feel him watching her walk to the door and open it.

"Will you tell me the next time something happens?"

She hesitates a second on the doorstep and then just nods before finally leaving. This surely won't blow up in her face, right?

* * *

Deidara doesn't sleep that night.

He's glad she told him about it, even after he got them in trouble — or just himself? He's not sure if she was being honest when she said she wouldn't be affected by it. It just threw his mind into chaos again. He's genuinely happy the Kazekage is okay though. He struck him as a nice and understanding person. Not judging him even when he dropped to his knees in front of him, practically begged to be taken in and locked up. It was embarrassing and probably the lowest he'd felt in his life. But at the same time, he was proud to finally be able to take his life into his own hands again. It was damn time for it anyway.

Now though he wonders who they send. Sasori probably again. Suna isn't an open area to fight in so he has no idea who else could have taken on the job beside him. Maybe Konan or Kakuzu. Both of them are pretty flexible in crowded areas. Does Mizuiro know it? He shouldn't ask her though. She made clear that she wasn't allowed to talk about this. Neither with him nor in general. It sucks but he gets it. He's a prisoner after all.

He rolls over on the bed, closing his eyes again. He sighs deeply. He wonders if they went looking for him too or if they already wrote him off as dead. Maybe the Kazekage even told them he wasn't there anymore. He can't imagine it though. The Kazekage seemed too nice for that. But he hopes the Hokage considered both options and what it could mean for Konoha. He should tell Mizuiro about it when she comes by the next time.

Just to make sure.


	8. January 98

_Hello!_

 _So some of Deidara's past comes up this chapter. I don't know if it's just me but I found it so difficult to figure out all the canon details of how the mouths in his hands happened and make it seem logical. But I'm quite happy with my version of it. (I haven't actually read any Naruto fanfiction in like 8 years so I have no idea how other people worked around this but now I'm curious so if you have any recommendations let me know!)_

 _Enjoy reading!_

* * *

"Okay, I see I'm boring you." Mizuiro sighs and walks back to the desk at the front of the room to sit down on it. She's really grateful that Iruka has been allowing her to use this room on days where the weather is just not good enough to wander around the village the whole time. And it's been nice to test some of the structures and topics she'd think could be a good fit for the history classes she's supposed to start working on after the winter break. Deidara seems to enjoy it well enough. Most of the time at least. "How about we change it up a little. I'll give you a challenge. I want you to try and find a question I can't answer. The only stipulation is that the topic has to be researchable and accessible for everyone."

Deidara straightens up on his place in the first row and tilts his head. "And pray tell how am I supposed to figure out things you know nothing about?"

"Maybe by asking and using your brain."

He crosses his arms in front of his chest. "And what do I get if I do find something?"

"Well, I might have figured out a possibility for you to get your hands on clay. So there's that." She's kind of proud of working that out because it means he will actually be able to do something she knows he enjoys in the near future — she'll give it to him either way since the Hokage already gave her the okay. But she wants to keep him busy for a while and pique his interest again.

His eyes light up. "Challenge accepted."

"Great. You want some time to consider?

"Give me until next week and prepare that clay because you're going to lose."

She smirks. "Somebody's awfully full of himself."

"Or maybe I just got you all figured out."

She raises her eyebrows in disbelief. She not quite sure whether he's bluffing or if he already has a question in mind. To be honest she wouldn't put it past him. She has no idea what he does outside of reading in his free time. But surely she's going to have to do some work on her part too. Because this one won't be as easy as winning against kids is.

* * *

He asks for a trip to the library for their outing two days later. She expected it a little with their challenge still going and has no problem with fulfilling his wish.

The only problem is she's not allowed to let him out of her sight so she sees every book he picks out of the shelves and it's in her nature to take note of the title and go through her mental list of things she's read to see if she's read this book or not. Most of the times it's a yes and he gives her this look of discontent every time she points it out to him.

"If you could shush. I'm just looking for books I want to read. It's not for the challenge."

She doesn't believe him and shrugs her shoulders. "If you say so."

His annoyed sigh is loud and she ducks her head, smiling to herself. He can be a fantastic conversation partner nowadays and she likes the parts of his character he's starting to show. It's such a stark difference to how he was just a few months ago and she's glad he's perking up a little. It means her idea of taking him outside was indeed the right one.

She follows him to one of the tables in the corners and they settle down at it. She picked out a few books too but now that they're sitting here, she doesn't really feel like actually thumbing through them to see if they are interesting enough to take home — she usually reads them here but she never does it when she's with someone. She knows she'll get too distracted and focused to be good company. So today she just watches him look through books instead and he doesn't even bother to point out how annoying it's probably for him.

She hasn't seen him this focused on something before. Normally when she's around he's either doing nothing and watching her every move around the apartment or they are at least talking sporadically. So there's always something distracting going on. But now his eyes are fixed on the pages and she can just look at him. It actually pulls the imprint of his surprised face back to the forefront of her mind — the one from the day he asked about her Kekkei Genkai — and she starts comparing it with the one right now, noting the changes.

For one he looks less pale, not much but his face has taken on a healthier color again and the dark circles underneath his eyes have softened. That she can see both of his eyes is different too of course since he's still following her request to keep all of his hair up when they are out. She knows he doesn't like it much — it's been a while since she saw him wearing his hair in a ponytail while staying in and it's clear that he prefers it open. To be fair she likes it better that way too and she's a little embarrassed to admit it but she's gotten the sudden urge to touch and play with it a few times already. It reminded her a little of the feeling when she was younger and her mother let her braid her hair. It was nice and let her have the fun of long hair without having to grow her own out much — she can't deal with her own hair being too long. It's annoying more than anything and the trouble it could cause is not worth the five minutes of fun she can have. As long as it fits into a bun on her head without strands escaping, she's satisfied. If her hair was as long as Deidara's — it nearly reaches his lower back — she'd probably give up on it within a few days. But he seems to have no trouble with it.

"Have you ever thought about cutting your hair short?" She's not quite sure why she asks it because with this length it took him years to grow it out. If he isn't committed to it then he would have changed it a long time ago. On top of that, she feels like she's stepping over an invisible line with asking this kind of personal question.

He glances at her, his eyebrows raised and says "No. Why would I?" before lowering his gaze back to the book.

And there she has it. Really why was she even wondering, why did she even ask? She sighs. "Sorry. I don't know where that came from."

"From your brain, obviously."

His deadpan voice makes her duck her head and stifle a laugh. But at least it makes clear that he didn't mind her asking. "True. And there's a lot more in there, so you should really consider preparing better for next Friday if you want to win."

He looks back up now and fixes his eyes on her. The corner of his mouth twists up into a confident smirk and he leans forward. "Oh, I will win."

A shiver of excitement runs down her back and she straightens up. He still seems pretty serious about it — though the stakes are high for him. God, she's looking forward to what he comes up with so much. But there's no way she will make it easy for him. "I don't think you will."

He stares at her a moment longer before shifting his focus back to the book. "We'll see about that," he says and turns the page.

* * *

On Friday she wakes up too early after a not so restful night. She feels ridiculous about being too excited to sleep properly. It's just a simple challenge, with no gain for her. She's been doing them for years. First just with her family to find gaps in her knowledge and then just for fun with her friends and nowadays even with the kids at the academy. It's an easy form of entertainment for her and sometimes she still finds those gaps and then can go and read up on those things to fill them. It's helpful.

But today she's actually really excited. Maybe just because she's curious what he came up with. Most of the time these challenges happen at random, somebody having found out something and wondering whether she knows it or not. Deidara had time to prepare though and she wonders how elaborate it will be.

He holds out on actually asking her though until they've settled down in the empty classroom. It's tactic from his side, to make her wait and he obviously must have noticed her enthusiasm and his eyes are sparkling with amusement. It's great.

So here she is now, leaning back against the teacher's desk and watching him sitting on one of the desks in the front row. He tells her the question then and oh that actually is a more difficult one. She knows her face twists into a frown when she starts focusing, trying hard to come up with the answer. She knows she read about that topic before but she can't make the connection. It's not something she has read about in the past few years then — those things still come easier to her — so it's further back and a little more difficult to just pull up on the spot.

"Not that easy is it?" Deidara says and her frown deepens. He's trying to distract her and it's working. She closes her eyes, focusing her chakra on her eyes, activating her Kekkei Genkai and then it's suddenly a lot faster to sift through her memories.

He's saying something else but it's easier to blend his words out now and she smiles to herself because she's as good as won this. There's where she read that word before and oh yes that makes sense, now she just has to find the right spot and — a touch to her hand interrupts her train of thought. It startles her enough to open her eyes and the first thing she sees are his eyes. They're a lot lighter then she remembers them being and she also never noticed the tiny scar underneath his left eyebrow. She realizes way too late what's happening and hastily forces her eyes shut.

"You're cheating," she mumbles and tries to get back to her previous thoughts but the imprint of the new memory, of his face, is right there, pushing down older ones.

"And you're taking too long." His voice is too close, he's too close and a shiver runs down her spine. The new information is still messing up the older ones, making it hard to find her way back.

"How about I give you ten more seconds? Sounds fair right?"

"Please shut up." She reaches up her hands to rests them on her ears and tips her head forward. It's not that she needs to block out his voice to concentrate but it at least gives her the illusion of protecting herself from further distraction.

"Ten."

Okay, she really needs to focus and that quickly.

"Nine."

She breathes in deeply and oh he's so close that she can smell him. It's an inviting smell but no she can't let herself be even more distracted.

"Eight."

She finally gets her brain back on track again and god this is more difficult than it should be. Why is this so different from normal?

"Seven."

His voice is quieter now but she doesn't manage to completely blend it out.

"Six."

His fingers wrap around her wrists and tug them away from her ears. She lets him, too close to the answer to care.

"Five."

She can feel him shuffle closer and then his warm breath against her ear. She wishes she could back up but she's trapped here between the desk and him, nowhere for her to go.

"Four."

His voice is barely a whisper now but it still makes the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

"Three."

Something wet touches her left wrist and she gasps, opening her eyes in alarm, realizing too late that it was just the mouth in his hand, licking her.

"Two."

He's snickering now and she shakily breathes out. She's done for. She lets the focused chakra around her eyes slip away and then she's just staring at the ground. Her whole body feels on edge and she doesn't know why.

"One...and you lose."

It takes her a second to find her voice and it still sounds too breathy. "That was unfair."

"Ah was it though?" He's still whispering into her ear and it makes another shivers run down her spine. She wonders why just his voice has such an effect on her. "I don't recount you establishing any rules besides the topic being accessible to everyone and it is. I'm pretty sure that means I played by the rules."

He's right. That's all the rules she set for him. She should have known that he would play dirty. God, why didn't she anticipate this at all? He was so damn confident about this there was no way he'd win this fairly.

"Like I said, I got you figured out."

She sighs and then turns her head, so she's able to look him in the eyes. They're nose to nose and she hesitates for a moment but then still gives him the answer to his question. It might be too late but she still wants to let him know that she actually knows it. He just really threw her for a loop.

He only smirks in response and then steps back again, his fingers gently drawing along her wrists.

"You suck," she mumbles and pushes the sleeves of her shirt down, suddenly feeling cold. She watches him walk over to the window and god he looks so smug. But it's also a much better look on his face than the usual listlessness and he's acting so comfortable with her in comparison to a few weeks ago, that she doesn't mind losing that much. She just wishes she'd understand why she was so affected by him being close.

"You better remember to bring the clay with you next time."

"I promise I won't forget."

It takes her until she's lying in bed that night to make the missing connection but then it falls like scales from her eyes. She rolls over and burrows her burning face in the pillow. How did she not notice that what happened this afternoon had turned her on? That he had turned her on. She doesn't want to believe it took her this long to figure it out but apparently she's more out of touch with her body then she thought.

But then again she's gotten comfortable with Matsuri, hasn't she? Since they've started hooking up — because that's all it is — she's not even bothered to look elsewhere. It's too stressful and if she already has someone that gives her attention when she wants it, she doesn't want to let it go if there's not a good reason for it. And she likes him a lot even if it has ebbed away from a crush to just friendship. So maybe it's normal that she doesn't immediately notice when someone else evokes those feelings in her.

And it's been a while since she was alone with Matsuri. So maybe she has some pent-up frustrations and was simply in a mood today and he was there and her mind just jumped to conclusions at his touch. Yeah, that has to be it.

She rolls back onto her back and stares at the dark ceiling for a moment before pressing her eyes close again. But just because she knows what she's feeling now doesn't mean the feeling simply disappears. Yes, it lessened during the rest of the day but its still very much present. Even more so now that she identified it. There's an itch in her fingers to do something about it. But with the fresh memory of Deidara's face, his eyes focused on her, at the forefront of her mind, she can't bring herself to do it. It would cross lines she doesn't think would be smart to cross.

She wraps her arms around herself, getting more comfortable and wills herself to fall asleep fast so that her brain will stop overthinking this.

* * *

She keeps her promise.

The next time she shows up at the apartment he's kept in she has two bags for him. And Deidara really wants to rip them right out of her hands and get his hands on the clay itself because it's been a goddamn six months since he touched any and that itch has been driving him crazy. But she actually has the audacity to take a step back when he reaches for it. He looks back at her face and she's biting her lip, obviously trying to keep from laughing.

"What?"

"It's nice to see you this excited about something."

"Then hand it over and you'll get to see me even happier."

She smiles and actually gives it to him now.

"Finally," he mumbles and walks the few steps back into the living room. He pushes the small table a little further from the couch and then settles down between both. He already made sure it was empty before she arrived, so now he upturns the bag above it, letting the contents drop onto the surface. It's a decent amount of clay — it doesn't seem to be of good quality but it's so much better than nothing.

"Don't forget to put on the gloves."

He sighs and then plucks the package of gloves out between the packaged clay. He didn't mind there being stipulations on him having clay, hell he expected it even — after all he is a prisoner. But poisoning it to make sure it doesn't come into contact with any of his mouths and in turn his chakra? Kind of unnecessary if anybody would have asked him. And really how is he supposed to properly work like this. It's bad enough that they sealed his chakra and he can't blow anything up.

So he makes a show out of carefully and meticulously pulling on the gloves and turns to her, eyebrows raised.

"Satisfied?"

She gives him a thumbs up and he rolls his eyes before turning back to the table. He unwraps one of the clay pieces and starts kneading it. It's cold even through the gloves but still yields pleasantly under the pressure of his fingers. When the familiar smell hits him he has to close his eyes for a minute to not just cry. He can't think of a time he ever was this long without using clay and he knew he missed it. Still, he wasn't aware, he missed it this much.

"Here."

There's the sound of glass on wood and he blinks his eyes open again. A bowl of water is sitting on the table now.

"I know it's not your preferred version of keeping the clay wet but well." She shrugs her shoulders and smiles apologetically.

He musters her for a moment. He really doesn't get her. As much as he acted like he had her figured out last week, he really doesn't understand her reasoning for most of her actions. It baffles him how much she's been trying to make this as easy as possible for him, respecting his wishes and even asking for permission for things he doesn't even think he deserves in his position. Of course, he likes having them but he knows what he did and it's just weird that he has that many liberties as a prisoner. Also, he's seen how the other ninjas, who know who he is, look at him. It's not a secret that Nukenins are treated like scum throughout every nation. But here she goes again, treating him nothing but nice and being apologetic for things she had no hand in.

"Want to stay for a while?"

"Oh-" She looks surprised but in a delighted way. It's not an unusual offer in the context of the past few months but she probably didn't think he'd want her around when he finally has something to keep himself busy with again. "Sure."

"I can't promise I'll be good company though. I kind of zone out when I work sometimes."

Her smile turns more genuine. "It's okay. I can keep myself busy."

She goes and gets something from her bag before actually settling in on the couch behind him. He watches her and it's weirdly intriguing to him that she picks the right side - the side he hates sitting on because it leaves him with his back to the room. It makes it that much clearer to him that she never had to fear for her life the way he did.

She pulls up her knees underneath her and opens her book. "Something the matter?" she asks without even looking up from where she's thumbing through the pages.

"No, it's nothing," he says and turns back to the table and the clay, to finally start working on it.

* * *

He knows he gets lost in forming figures out of the clay and then starting over again and again. He'll never deny that. But he's apparently not used to it anymore since his stomach growling at him pretty much startles him into smushing the head of the bird back into a lump. Because right, regular meals have been a thing for a while again.

It's dark outside but Mizuiro must have gotten up a while ago to turn on the lights. He can't recall it happening. But to be honest he kind of doesn't even remember when he stopped talking with her. He knows he answered her questions and that there was a moment where she started reading her book to him. But he must have just blocked her voice out at some point.

He should probably feel a little guilty about it but he warned her beforehand. And really all he feels is fully calm for the first time in months. It's fantastic. He leans back against the couch, wanting to soak this moment in a little. Who knows if he's allowed to keep the clay or if this was just a one-time thing. She never mentioned anything, so maybe he just should ask her. He rolls his head to the right, already opening his mouth to speak.

To his surprise, he finds her asleep. And not just lightly from the looks of it. She's fully spread out on the couch, arms tucked up by her slack face and her breathing deep and steady. There's a pang of jealousy in his chest. God how long it's been since he was able to fully relax while asleep. Even now he's always on edge regardless of being locked up and in a presumably safe space.

He tugs of the gloves, dropping them onto the table, then reaches out with his hand and lightly taps her nose. She snuffles a little but doesn't react otherwise. There's no way falling asleep around him should be even an option for her. It could mean death within seconds — it's not like he never killed a person with his bare hands before — even if killing her would be no use to him at all. But she shouldn't trust him to be that reliable; hell she shouldn't trust him at all. He sighs and lets his hand drop away again. It's becoming clearer and clearer to him why she picked the teaching route.

His legs feel stiff when he gets up and his back already feels sore. He's definitely going to feel that tomorrow. It really has been a while since he lost track of time this badly while doing something. He stretches before he starts cleaning up the mess he made out of the table, making sure to repackage the clay in a way that keeps it from drying out.

Once that's done he goes into the kitchenette and starts preparing something for a late dinner — because according to the clock it's already past eight in the evening. He doesn't bother being quiet about it to not wake her up accidentally. To be honest he'd prefer if she'd get up on her own. The thought of waking her feels weird to him, like crossing an invisible line that he shouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole.

But she seems to be dead to the world and he kind of doesn't really know what to do about it. So he eats some of the food, cleans up the kitchen and then just follows his normal evening routine of showering and getting ready for bed. Surprisingly when he leaves the bathroom again, she's awake, sitting upright and dazedly staring at the table. She's twisting something in her hands that he assumes it's her hair tie, considering that her hair is open now.

"Still alive I see."

She turns her head slowly, blinks tiredly and then just stares at him with a frown. He waits for her to respond or at least say something. But she doesn't, even after he's waited a bit. Though it does get uncomfortable to have her eyes on him like that, considering that he didn't bother putting on a shirt, and he crosses his arms in front of his chest.

"You okay?"

"Did using the Kinjutsu hurt?"

He realizes then that her frown isn't one of tired confusion but rather one of concern. He's so puzzled by her. "I don't really remember it." It feels like an odd thing to lie about because he does remember the blood and the intense pain, especially in his chest — for a while he'd thought he was suffocating. But at least the next part is true. "I released the Jutsu and passed out pretty quickly after that. It took more chakra then I expected."

"Will you explain to me why you did it?"

"Why? You read the files about me. I don't think there's anything I can still tell you."

"Because I want to hear it in your own words and not in one's carefully chosen to avoid riling anyone up."

She seems sincere and he sighs deeply. He runs his hand through his hair while slowly walking back to the space in front of the couch. He settles back down on the floor, crossing his legs and leaning back against the front. He lets his head fall back onto the cushion and raises his gaze to the ceiling.

"The first time I considered doing it was because of the taboo around Kinjutsus. I was young and it was mostly just tempting because of how very much forbidden it was. From the little information I had, I assumed it to be useful to me, too. But I felt too uninformed to jump straight in, so I did my research. And well it turned out it was perfect to combine my two favorite things in the world."

"Explosions and art?"

"I always felt like my art was lacking something and I'd played around with combining both before but without an easy and conserving way to infuse the clay with chakra it was nearly impossible."

"And after you'd figured it out that's when you made the decision to do it?"

"Mostly. What really pushed me over the edge was a fight with my dad. I don't quite remember what I did to make him hit me but it assured me that he didn't care about what made me happy. So I made final preparations and waited until it was nighttime. Stealing the Kinjutsu was way too easy and in hindsight, it makes sense with the Tsuchikage wanting me as his footman for the illegal stuff. But back then I was the happiest I'd ever been and I felt like nothing could stop me."

"You gave up a lot for it though."

He shrugs his shoulders. "But on the other hand, I had an endless supply of something that made me happy right at the tip of my fingers. And if you ask me being able to experience happiness whenever and at whatever size I want to seems way more appealing to me."

He can feel her move behind him and then her head pops into his vision and she looks so crestfallen.

"Happiness doesn't keep you from being lonely though," she says and smiles sadly.

"Not always no. But sometimes it's enough to keep you warm at night." To his surprise, he actually feels bad for making her upset. He can't understand why she cares though. It's not like anyone ever forced him to make those choices. So with a sigh, he adds "I'm fine you know. There's no reason to be upset."

"Can I hug you?"

He startles at the request. It's really not what he expected to hear right now. "Why?"

"I just think we both could use one right now." She's actually starting to look teary now and god that is not something he wants to deal with. So he shrugs his shoulders and says, "Fine."

He doesn't know what exactly to expect, maybe her just wrapping her arms around him in her current position for a few seconds and that's that. But she actually slides off the couch and kneels down next to him. He barely has the chance to sit up straight before she's throwing her arms around his shoulders. For a second he feels overwhelmed. Her hands feel too cold against his bare skin, making goosebumps pop up and a shiver run down his spine.

But once the initial weirdness passes, it starts to feel comfortable. Tentatively he brings his hands up and wraps them around her waist. He can feel his vision starting to blur and he closes his eyes, lowering his forehead against her shoulder. He didn't realize how much he missed voluntarily given physical contact — paying for it never counted. And now that he's got it he really doesn't want to let her go again so soon. So he wraps his arms around her even tighter. She has to shuffle a little closer and the fact that he's still sitting sideways makes it a little awkward but she doesn't complain, just turns her head further into his neck.

He doesn't know how long it is before she slowly pulls back and he let's her even though he kind of doesn't want to. She drops back onto her heels and brings her hands to her thighs. This time when she smiles it's much happier than before and he can't keep the corners of his mouth from twitching into one too.

She tilts her head to the side and says, "You know, I don't think I've ever seen you properly smile before. You look less menacing like this."

He chuckles. "Maybe I should stop then. I do have a reputation to uphold after all."

"I'd prefer it if you didn't." She lowers her eyes, clearly embarrassed by what she just said and he doesn't really know what to reply, so he just musters her. He doesn't think he's ever seen her with her hair open and it looks brighter like this, not as brown. It's kind of pretty.

She gasps suddenly and looks back at him in panic. "How late is it?"

"Maybe eleven?"

"Eleven? Christ sake." She hastily gets up and plucks her book from the couch. She gives him an apologetic look. "I really need to leave. To be honest I should have been home hours ago. I still have to prepare things for my class tomorrow. And I'm really sorry for exploiting your hospitality and just falling asleep here."

"Don't worry about it." He gets up too. "Are you gonna take the clay with you again?"

She shakes her head. "No. It can stay here. Just please don't use it without the gloves. There really is poison in it."

He nods. "Thank you again."

"You're welcome."

He follows her to the door. He watches her tug on her shoes and then with one last smile she leaves, the door falling shut behind her. It's suddenly uncomfortably quiet in the apartment again and he sighs. He can already tell that he won't get a good night's rest tonight.

* * *

They don't talk about that evening afterwards and she doesn't ask questions again.

Still, Mizuiro seems to be on a mission to make up for something — maybe her behavior, though what exactly he isn't sure — in some way. She's been overly attentive, visiting more than she usually does and taking him out for way longer walks through the village — he's actually starting to remember the streets and faces of the people around him. But then, on the other hand, she's also been annoying him with theoretical stuff about things he couldn't care less about. He's aware it's part of the agreement for him to be allowed outside but if she would space it out more, he wouldn't mind. It's not like he has to take a test at any point.

"Don't forget to walk, Deidara," she says over her shoulder to him, looking too happy for his mood.

He rolls his eyes and shoves his hands further into the pockets of his pants but still picks up his pace a little to catch up to her again. They haven't been outside for more than five minutes and she's already starting to get annoying. She smiles at him when he's next to her but he can't quite bring himself to return it.

"So where are we going today? The Academy again?" He really hopes she says no. He's had enough of the classrooms and the noise of chalk on a blackboard.

"Actually I have some deliveries to make."

Or maybe yes would have been better. "What kind of deliveries?" She doesn't have anything with her that she isn't usually carrying. So whatever it is must be sealed in a scroll.

"You'll see."

Oh, this will be just great.

* * *

"Lanterns. Of course, it's lanterns," he mumbles to himself, while he waits for her to finish talking to the owner of a small shop. It shouldn't have surprised him. Really she told him before that her father's side of the family is known throughout all countries for their craftsmanship in the lantern business. So he should have expected that she's involved in it too.

"Thank you for your business, Azura-san," she says, bows and starts walking back to where Deidara is standing at a display of fabric near the door.

"Oh it's my pleasure, Mizuiro," he responds and points to the two lanterns next to him. "It's clear that you're working hard to make your parents proud."

She smiles, a faint blush on her cheeks and they say their goodbyes before actually leaving the shop. As soon as they are far enough away from it, her smile drops and she sighs deeply.

"So you are a teacher's apprentice, you're the one solely responsible for me and train regularly. I also know that you spend time with your friends. And apparently, you also help out your parents with their business. Do you ever just relax?"

She chuckles weakly and motions for him to take a left down the street. "If my parents are traveling for another job, who else will do the work if not me."

It's not even phrased as a question and she sounds resigned. He glances at her. He's very much aware that she kept busy since most of the time she left him with an apology about having to go and do something else. But he always thought it was completely by choice. Apparently, that's not the case though. "How about another person that knows how to make lanterns? Or the people could wait until your parents are back."

"It's clear that all you've ever been is a ninja." She shakes her head and rubs her neck. "You know ninjas don't have to worry about earning enough. The mission and payment system is simple but makes sure that you can get by with an average of 8 C-rank missions per year. Depending on your team, abilities, and standard of life you might do more but a lot of people don't. So most ninjas that have family businesses focus on those. But it's hard establishing a good reputation and once you have it, you really don't want to do things like make your customers wait or send them to other shops. That's the fastest way to bring all your hard work to naught."

"Sounds logical. But there are enough people that aren't ninjas that could do those things too."

"Of course but most of the jobs they prefer doing are local to villages and require a minimum of travel. And do you know why? Because it's way cheaper for traveling businessmen to be ninjas at the same time and not have to pay for their own protection when there are mercenaries around that could make their life difficult. And with things like lanterns, which if built and taken care of properly shouldn't need replacement within a few years, you'll quickly satisfy the big customers in your village and you'll need to expand if you want to keep your business up and running on more than just maintenance."

He musters her and while her voice had taken on her usual teaching tone, she doesn't look as passionate about this. To be honest she actually looks unhappy having to talk about it and without her usual excitement and smile, she looks worn out.

"So you don't get a choice in this."

She shakes her head and says "I can't cause more trouble for my parents than I already have," before entering another shop. He follows her and wordlessly watches as she makes another exchange — smile back on her face, no trace of her former unhappiness left.

Seems like he really doesn't understand a thing about her.


	9. February 98 to March 98

Mizuiro stretches her legs out and rests her bare toes on the chair opposite of her while she eats another spoonful of porridge.

She had an easy day yesterday, no responsibilities to take care of and the only thing in her schedule being meeting up with Keiko and Nanami for a training session after lunch. It was a joyous change from her normally busy schedule and she loathes having to go back to it already again. But at least the day didn't start with classes at the academy and she could sleep in for once.

She eats another spoonful and leans back in her chair, letting her eyes wander to the ceiling. There are some cobwebs in the corner, moving lightly in the breeze that's coming through the open window. She should find some time to clean thoroughly again, she's getting sloppy.

She nearly overhears the click of the lock turning over the noise of her spoon clanging in the bowl and her eyebrows draw in confusion. There are a few people outside of her family that actually have a key but none of them have ever made use of it in years. A quick glance at the calendar on the wall and with curiosity getting the best of her, she places her bowl on the table and leaves the kitchen.

It's unexpected to see both her parents in the entryway taking off their shoes, travel bags leaning against the wall but at the same time, it makes a bubble of happiness well up in her. It's been nearly three months since she's seen them. A smile spreads on her face.

"Welcome home."

Her mother looks up, already smiling. "Oh Mizuiro," she starts and gets up to come over and give her a hug. "How are you? Are you feeling okay? You're not at work today."

"I'm alright don't worry. I just have some other things to take care of right now, so Iruka allowed me to cut my hours back."

"I hope you're still taking the work at the academy serious," her dad chimes in while picking up the bags.

"Of course I do but these other things are important too." She really hopes they won't ask too many questions because she's still not allowed to talk about Deidara. "Anyway, you're back earlier than I expected. I thought you'd be gone until sometime next month."

Her parents share a look and then her mother reaches out to squeeze her shoulder. "We should talk about that over some tea."

* * *

"And that's why we need you to take over for your mother for a while."

Mizuiro still feels kind of frozen, the shock of the news not having fully settled in her bones — she's going to be a big sister. But still, she knows that this isn't something she can do right now. "I'm sorry but I can't."

"Mizuiro, don't be difficult." Her father is starting to look disappointed already. Clearly, they had hoped she'd be easy to convince. And normally she wouldn't mind. She loves experiencing the life in different villages but the timing couldn't be worse. What with Deidara and her having decided to work at the academy.

"I'm not being difficult!" She can feel her voice take on a higher pitch and she takes a deep breath to try and calm herself down. "I just- no I can't do that."

"I'm not giving you a choice here. I'm sure pausing your training as a teacher won't be a problem. And you'll need the hands-on experience anyway for when you'll take over the business."

She swallows hard. This is neither the time or place to let her parents know that she has no interest in ever taking over for them. "Look, I'm happy that it finally worked out and you two are having another child. I know you've been talking about that for years, believe me. But I can't take mom's place and travel with you while she stays at home, dad."

"Well you should give me a reason then, otherwise I don't see any harm in dragging you along anyway. Rebelling against your parents isn't a smart choice."

"Kemuri, don't be so harsh on her," her mother says as calm as always, resting a hand on her father's back. "I'm sure she has a good reason. Right?"

And god Mizuiro wants to yell at them that yes she has a perfectly fine reason. But she isn't allowed to talk about it. Even with the permission of taking Deidara outside, he's still not actually in the village if anyone asks. She lowers her eyes to the table and pushes her chair back and gets up. "I'm sorry but you'll have to take my word for it this time."

"Mizuiro."

It's a clear warning but she leaves the room anyway. The grumbled "This conversation isn't over." still reaches her ears though and she hurries up to her room to get dressed. There is no way she's spending a minute longer than necessary at home during the next few days.

* * *

If he found the overly attentive version of Mizuiro annoying, now she's even worse. He has no idea what put her in this weird mood but Deidara really doesn't like it.

Not only is she his only human contact but on top of that, he doesn't get much choice of whether or not he wants to hang out with her when she is the only option of getting out of the stuffy apartment. And sure he can block out her silent fuming and sighs of annoyance but his temper can only take so much. He's been getting more irritated by the day and sooner or later he's going to snap at her and that means he'll have to reckon that he'll set her off, making her actually angry. Which to be honest is really not ideal either because again, she's his only company and god forbid she gets stupid ideas like taking his clay away.

"Are you even listening to me?"

Her voice cuts through his train of thought and he can't suppress a deep sigh, here she goes again. Still, he doesn't take his eyes off the tree he can see from the classroom window and monotonously replies "Yes I am." He isn't, not really at least and they both know it. Oh how much he'd prefer being outside right now.

And normally she'd just give up and keep talking anyway, knowing that sooner or later he'd bring his attention back to her. But today it seems she's not in the mood to talk to a wall. Her sigh is loud and he listens to her steps coming closer to him. There's a thud against the front of the table he's sitting at and when he glances that way, she's sat down on the table in the row before it, feet propped up against the wooden bench attached to it.

"I'm annoying you." It's a statement, not a question.

"Yes," he responds and actually turns to look at her fully. No need for sugarcoating.

She pulls a face. "Alright. You could have phrased that more nicely."

"Well, you're the only company I have so I think I have a right to tell you when I don't enjoy it."

She looks at him for a moment and then leans forward, dropping her head against her knees. Her voice is muffled when she says, "I'm sorry."

He huffs and crosses his arms in front of his chest. "Don't apologize if you're not going to change your behavior."

For a while, she doesn't respond but then she lifts her head up, the smile on her face not completely genuine but a hesitant peace offer. "Then at least let me treat you to lunch."

"Well, I'm not saying no to that." Because if there's one thing he's gotten sick of during his confinement is making his own food all the damn time.

* * *

He can feel her eyes on him while he picks up more noodles with his chopsticks and says "I told you to stop watching me eat. It's creepy." before shoving them into his mouth.

"I know, I know." She laughs nervously and looks back down at her own bowl. "It's just good to actually see you have an appetite."

He swallows the food in his mouth. "You've been buying food for me for what seven months? You know that I eat the stuff you get me."

"Well, I also very much remember the times when I threw away nearly all of what I got you because you didn't. So…" she trails off and looks back up at him.

He rolls his eyes. "Fine. Then watch me eat. Just don't let your own food go to waste."

"Don't worry. The peace and quiet isn't the only reason I love to come here."

He chuckles and they both return to eating. It's a surprisingly comfortable atmosphere but really after how exhausting the recent outings with her were, he's not about to question it. Though maybe it's just the part of not eating on his own for once.

The door to the dingy little restaurant slides open and Deidara reflexively looks up at the man entering the shop. His whole posture screams ninja and he immediately tenses up. Mizuiro told him that not a lot of the higher ninjas frequent this place since it's old and not the most reputable, so this is unexpected.

"What is it?" she asks, eyebrows raised. She must have felt his sudden unease.

The second she speaks, the man's attention snaps towards them, something akin to recognition on his face. But then the shop owner steps up behind the counter, greeting the man.

"Kemuri, how nice of you to drop in."

"I promised to collect your orders for the next festival, didn't I."

He can see Mizuiro freeze, too, her grip on the chopsticks tightening and her face going pale. But before he has a chance to question her, the owner laughs loudly.

"Oh and here I thought you already sent your daughter for that. I planned on just giving them to her after she finished her meal."

"I see. Well since I'm here already, I'll still take them with me."

"Alright let me just go and get them."

It doesn't take a genius to figure out that Kemuri is her father since outside of him they are the only two people currently in the restaurant. Though she doesn't seem too excited by him being here. Honestly, she looks like she wants to run. Deidara glances back up at the man, to find him already looking at them. He's frowning, arms crossed in front of his chest.

"Mizuiro," he sounds displeased and she squeezes her eyes shut shortly before sighing and turning towards him.

"Dad. Didn't expect to see you here."

"Neither did I. Especially since you said this morning you would be busy with work all day. This doesn't look like work to me."

"Well, it is." She doesn't say anything else. It's clear that she wants to though and Deidara realizes suddenly that she can't. She mentioned before that she wasn't allowed to talk to anybody about this mission and his presence in the village. He just didn't really realize that it included her family as well.

Kemuri doesn't look convinced by her words and when he sees the desperate look on her face, Deidara can't stop himself from chiming in. It's probably not easy to keep something this big a secret, especially from her own family. So offering her a way out is the least he can do.

"Believe me, she'd tell you why she's hanging out with me if she could." He leans back in his chair. "But if you want to join us for a while, I might be inclined to do it for her."

Because after all, no one ever told him that he couldn't talk about it — probably under the assumption that he wouldn't even have anybody to talk to about it but who cares about the details.

"Are you insane?" she hisses under her breath and he glances at her. She doesn't seem too upset, mostly just worried, so he decides it's fine to go ahead. He holds his hand out towards the free seat at the head of the table and challengingly stares at Kemuri.

He hesitates for a second but then comes over to join them at the table. Once he's seated they make eye contact and he says, "I remember your face from somewhere."

"Right, I haven't properly introduced myself yet, have I? Deidara Mangetsu, according to Konoha's bingo book, there's a pretty high bounty on my head. Though I'm mostly known for blowing up parts of Iwa when I went rogue and being part of the Akatsuki. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Is this is a joke?" Kemuri looks back at her, his face a mixture of confusion and caution. She bites her lip, shaking her head.

"Please don't make a scene, dad. His chakra is blocked, so he's harmless right now."

"Well, I wouldn't call myself harmless even under those conditions but I'm not interested in causing any trouble."

He looks back and forth between them, clearly not completely convinced yet but also now on guard and ready to jump into action. Clearly, Mizuiro didn't get her gullibility from him.

"If what you're saying is true, why are you here?"

"A few deals between important people. Also the foresight of your daughter. It doesn't really matter though. Just know that I'm a prisoner of my own choice and am in debt to the Hokage and Mizuiro. They've both done a lot for me."

Kemuri opens his mouth to respond but the owner of the restaurant comes out of the back, waving around a scroll, and he closes it wordlessly again. At least he's smart enough to not blab about it in front of others.

"Finally found it. My wife didn't put it back where I left it after making some last changes."

"Thank you," he responds and takes the offered scroll.

"Do you want something to eat too?"

"Oh no, thank you. I have some more things to take care off."

"We'd also like to pay," Mizuiro pipes up and smiles politely. "And if you could pack up the leftovers that would be nice of you."

"Of course." He takes both their bowls and bustles off behind the counter again.

Strangely enough, her father waits for them to finish up and leaves the restaurant with them. Deidara doesn't expect it when he grabs him by the arm, as soon as the door is fully closed behind them though, and it startles him enough to make him try and twist out of it.

"What the-" he grumbles but Kemuri only tightens the grip on his arm and pushes him a little down the street.

"Dad," Mizuiro starts but her father holds a finger in her direction and says "Just give us a moment."

Her brow furrows though she doesn't make a move to stop him. To be honest he expected her too. No matter who he saw her interacting with during the last few months, she never let anybody walk over her like that. Though he already noticed it in the restaurant, how much she changed around her father. He doesn't like it.

"I neither like you nor do I trust you," Kemuri says voice quiet, once they are far enough that she can't easily overhear them. His blue eyes are cold and unmoving.

Deidara can't suppress the chuckle that bubbles up. "Well, you aren't the most likable person either."

His eyes narrow even further. "I will be checking with the Hokage if what you're saying is true. And if it is, you better be prepared for some changes in the future."

"That's fine."

"Until then don't do anything stupid. For your own safety of course." The irony that swings with those words is loud and clear.

"Of course." He's too aware of her worried gaze on them to add another remark, that could possibly make this situation escalate.

"Mizuiro," Kemuri says loudly while letting go of his arm. Her name echoes in the small street and she's at their side with a few steps. Her father makes eye contact with her. "We're not done talking about this. And I will ask the Hokage to pull you from this mission."

She swallows visibly and straightens up, her eyes wide with panic. "But-"

"This isn't something a Chunin should be doing. And if you aren't joining me then getting a proper apprenticeship as a teacher should at least be more important to you right now then dilly-dallying around here."

"Of course, dad." She folds like a house of cards, no fight left in her. Her smile is forced and she turns back to Deidara. "Come on. We should leave."

He gives Kemuri another glance and then follows her. He's surprised that he's just letting them leave like this, though he can feel his eyes on his back until they turn onto another street. Deidara focuses his attention back on her then and he wants to ask her about her father so badly. But when he sees her face and posture the words die at the back of his throat.

She's seething with pent-up anger and he's sure that if he says the wrong thing right now, she's going to explode. And unlike with Sasori, he doesn't feel the need to push her into it. So he just keeps his mouth shut — maybe he'll ask at another point — and neither of them says a word during the whole walk back to his apartment.

He expects her to just leave after she let him into the apartment but instead she follows him inside. The door falls shut behind them and without any surrounding sounds, the silence between them is suddenly deafening. He swallows and turns to face her. They make eye contact and apparently it's enough to tip her over the edge.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she yells, stabbing her finger into his chest. "Do you even know how much trouble you've just caused me? Because I don't think you do. I think you didn't even spend a second of your energy on thinking about what this would mean for me."

"That's not true."

"Well, then you should have just kept your mouth shut! You don't know what my father will do to get me pulled from this job. And it'll be you who'll suffer from it because I can guarantee that nobody else will be this nice to you. Why do you think they gave me the job in the first place? Because nobody else wanted it!" She's right up in his face now and he just can't let her go on like this. Sure maybe he didn't think his actions fully through but he's not about to admit it to her when she's being this ignorant of her own behavior.

"You're a real hypocrite you know." He grabs the wrist of her hand still on his chest and forces her back against the door. She hits it with a dull thud and he slams his other hand against the wood over her shoulder to trap her. "Here you go talking back to me like it's nothing when you should be scared of me like everybody else. But the second your father opens his mouth you can't even finish a sentence. What's got you so scared of him huh?"

"It's called respect you asshole," she hisses, tugging harshly on his hand to try and loosen his grip. "And I don't see any reason to respect you right now."

"Oh no. I know what respect looks like and this is not it. So what daddy issues are yours? Did he hit you? Or maybe he just makes you feel like a failure all the time even when you're doing everything to satisfy him, is that it?"

"Stop talking about things you know nothing about! He's not like that! He loves me, okay? And he did so much for me." Her voice is desperate now.

"That doesn't mean he can walk all over you and decide your life for you. Honestly, with the way you were acting earlier, I'm surprised you're even able to talk back to other people."

She doesn't respond, just lowers her eyes to the ground. He sighs. With the way she's standing there, the picture of dejection, he can't bring himself to push this issue further. So he lets go of her hand and says, "Think of this as me doing you a favor, okay? Now you just need to decide whether you want to take this chance to tell him to let you live your life or not. It's just that easy."

Her responding laugh is shaky and he watches with a frown how she reaches up and presses her hands to her eyes. "Damn it," she mumbles, voice rough and he realizes with a start that she started crying. That is so not what he meant to achieve here, not at all, and it throws him off completely. The first thing that pops into his mind is hugging her and he can't even bring himself to second guess it. And really what else is he supposed to do here right now? Just walk away, when he's partially at fault? He's not that much of an asshole.

So he just goes with it. He wraps his arms around her shoulders and pulls her close. She freezes up for a second, clearly surprised by his action but then after a moment he can feel her hands hesitantly clutch at his shirt and her head lean into his shoulder.

He doesn't know how long they actually stand there with her crying into his shirt. But by now her breathing has stopped hitching and her shoulders aren't shaking anymore. Her voice is rough and quiet when she says, "I don't want to go home right now."

It's a subtle request and he's all too willing to give in to it. She's done enough for him that he can allow her this much. "Want some tea?"

"Please." She pulls away, keeping her gaze down, and he drops his arms from her shoulders. And he can't do much else here right now, so he just leaves for the kitchen to prepare the tea. He keeps an ear out for her though and hears her moving around after a while. He's not surprised by her not joining him in the kitchenette and so once the tea is done, he carries it out to the living room.

She turns her head to look at him, from where she's got it resting on her arms on the table. Her eyes are rimmed red but there's a tiny smile on her lips again. He places one cup next to her head and then takes the place across from her on the floor.

She doesn't move to touch her tea for a while and neither of them says a word. Still, it's her that speaks up first.

"You told me your father hit you. Did he do it a lot?"

"No. Just a few times besides the last incident. He was aware that I was stronger than him."

She hums noncommittally and slowly sits up straight. She takes a sip of her tea and then sets the cup back down but keeps it clutched in her hands, watching the steam rise up.

"He's just worried about me, you know? I think he only liked the idea of me becoming a ninja until he realized that I wasn't made out to be one."

Deidara can't suppress a chuckle at that. "So you are aware of that."

"I learned it the hard way and have the scars to show it." She looks up and makes eye contact with him. "What tipped you off?"

"You fell asleep around me even though I could have easily killed you."

She tucks her bangs behind her ear and nods. "That's why I made the choice to become a teacher last summer. I needed something to fall back on if I decide against going back to doing normal missions. But I really want to continue helping people. So what better way is there to help then to prepare future ninjas for the reality that their life will actually be. My father didn't like that. He would have preferred if I choose to travel with them and work in the family business instead of becoming stuck in the village."

"That doesn't explain why he thinks he can still patronize you. Being worried and making choices for you are two very different things."

"He usually doesn't do it this obviously. It's actually been a while since he did it at all. But my mom is pregnant and can't travel for the next months. So he wanted me to come with him instead. I told him I can't. And now that he's aware of the why and of how dangerous what I'm doing is in theory, he just doesn't want me to be doing it for more reasons than just one."

"I see." He takes a sip of his tea, uncrossing and crossing his legs the other way. His left foot is tingling and he stretches it a little. "But like I said, caring and making your choices are different things. You can't tell me it doesn't bother you."

For a moment she just looks at him then she drops her gaze back to her tea. "When you are better at something than one of your parents it's rare that they let you get away with it. My mother was never super interested in amassing knowledge or pushing the boundaries of our Kekkei Genkai. But she still gathered a lot over time and knows why I'm doing what I'm doing. My father though." She sighs and shrugs her shoulders. "We kind of lost that typical father-daughter-relationship when I was five and he wasn't able to answer most of my questions anymore because I already knew so much more than a five-year-old should. From then on it just spiraled and with me pushing them to leave me in Konoha so that I could attend the academy, it was pretty easy to lose the rest of our relationship between the distance and the trouble I caused them. So I just got used to there being no chance of him listening to me properly and kind of gave up pushing him."

He turns his cup in his hands and frowns. He's not quite sure what to say to her now. He kind of expected her to not have put this much thought into all of this already. But now he realizes how much bigger than just this fight this problem already is. Still, he wonders.

"And what about this time? Will you just accept him walking over you again?"

She looks back up and makes eye contact and he holds it, giving her the time she needs to think this through. When she does speak it's with a small smile on her face. "You know I actually like you, right? I'm not just being nice to you because I have to."

He shrugs his shoulders. He wasn't completely sure but he suspected it. Though it baffles him a little. "I figured. There's being nice and then there's what you're doing. And that is far beyond the treatment I expected to receive when I handed myself over."

"What I'm taking from that is that you enjoy my company."

"Eh, sometimes."

"So, would you mind me calling you a friend?"

He's glad he's not drinking his tea because he's sure he would have spit it out right now. He knows by now that she wouldn't ask it if she didn't mean it but his first instinct is still to hesitate and question her reasoning for it. He goes to twist his bangs around his fingers, a rare nervous habit but finds them still tied back. So instead he reaches up and tugs the hair tie out completely.

"What do I get for being your friend?" he asks while fixing his hair.

"Well for one I don't let my friends down. And I'm more likely to take a firm stand on topics involving my friends because otherwise, it wouldn't be fair on them."

So she'll be using him as an excuse then. Though he finds he doesn't mind that much if it means she'll keep being the one who buys his groceries and spends time with him. And maybe he can get other things out of it too. Still, the thought that he'll have someone to call a friend again is weird and he's not sure he's ever going to call her that out loud. He smiles crookedly at her.

"Deal."

She returns his smile and then takes another sip of her tea, before leaning back against the sofa. And even with her skin blotchy and her eyes still rimmed red, she looks much more content than she has for a while. The problems with her father were probably the thing that was bothering her and made her so damn irritating to be around. So he's kind of glad that she's going to at least try to talk it out. Now the only thing he can do is wait and see how it turns out.

* * *

He doesn't see or hear from her for two whole days. And when somebody shows up to his apartment on the third, it's not her. The second he notices it isn't Mizuiro entering, he's already up from the couch, cornering himself just for that little bit of added protection and with his body drawn tight. He doesn't recognize the man but he seems all too aware of how he is invading his space with his presence. His smile is polite and apologetic when he says, "There's no need to be nervous. I'm just here to talk."

"What about?" He frowns, mistrust clear on his face.

"Mizuiro."

Deidara's eyebrows jump up, worry setting a little deeper in him because surely this can't mean anything good.

"I was the captain of the team she got placed into after graduating. So you could say I know her quite well. Or at least I thought I did. Because today I was called into the Hokage's office and she told me that she had to listen to a fight between Mizuiro and her father about you, and then proceeded to ask for my judgment on this case."

Figures that he'd be someone close to her with an opinion on this. "So what? You want her pulled from this mission too?"

"Do I make that impression on you?" He asks, raising his eyebrows and crossing his arms.

Deidara hesitates to answer the question because he can't see a hint of the malice that was so clear on her father's face. The man sighs, moves over to the couch and sits down on it. It irks him that he's so unapologetically invading his space and makes him want to talk to him even less than before.

"I know what she's capable of and since I've been one of the ninjas appointed with watching you two on your walks I also know that you wouldn't dare to hurt her."

"Great. If you know that then why are you here?"

"Because like I said, I know her and I know that she would never pick a fight with her father without a reason. I want to know that reason, preferably from you."

"And what will you do if I tell you that I don't sell people close to me out?"

The man laughs. "It's not really convincing when you are locked in here because you did just that."

Deidara narrows his eyes and crosses his arm. He feels the urge to just punch him but he knows he has to resist. The audacity he has to put her on the same level as Akatsuki. "Believe what you want then. I'm done talking about this. You should leave."

They stare at each other for a moment, neither of them moving an inch but then he suddenly nods and gets up. "Alright. I think I get it now." He smiles at him and then just turns to leave.

Deidara watches him and when the door falls shut again, he gives it half a minute before he lets himself sink to the floor. His hands and legs are shaking from this unexpected and nerve-wracking visit and he knows he won't sleep a wink tonight, too aware again that anybody could walk right in and surprise him, too aware that he is not safe here.

* * *

He's right. By the time morning comes he hasn't slept at all. There were points when he nodded of where he was sitting on the couch but it was never long before something startled him awake again. That nothing was actually there didn't matter. He's on edge and that his brain won't shut up doesn't help either. As if worrying about Mizuiro wasn't enough already.

Not that he's actually worried about her. Even if she said that this would have consequences for her — mostly because of him talking so openly about this — he's sure that the drama she's causing with her father is more the focus of everyone. At least until that gets solved. Then he's sure everyone will focus on him again and what he did wrong and how they are going to make clear to him what a stupid idea that was. He just hopes it will be her that will lecture him.

He forces himself to eat that day, mostly just because it's something that keeps his hands busy and his thoughts from wandering.

* * *

Mizuiro takes another deep breath before she forces herself to enter the Hokage tower. She's already cutting it close as it is but she's nervous. As far she can remember there hasn't been a single instant in her life where she was able to get her way when it came to disagreeing with her father. Mostly just because she was always aware of how much trouble she had already caused them as a kid but also because he had clear ideas when it came to her and none of them included her to be the rebellious kid that Rikuri Sensei had called her countless times.

And she had no intention of ever actually being that kid in her parents' eyes. But this time she couldn't put the indirect promise to the side. And to be honest, Deidara was right. She was kind of fed up with her father's behavior. She hates that he still thinks he can treat her like a kid when everywhere else it is expected of her to act like an adult and take on responsibility. She never admitted it to anyone but it's the one thing that has always irked her about the whole ninja system, how one is considered an adult in a sense when being ranked a Genin no matter what age they are. Because from this point you can be sent on a mission and end up killing someone — even if it is unlikely to happen on a mission approved for Genins. And that you can't take it mentally doesn't matter or that your parents still give you a curfew for dinner when you're spending your time at home.

She's not the perfect example for this. She was smart enough to get the consequences early on. She got why her parents weren't bothered by her joining the academy even though it meant they would miss most of her growing up — at least she was safe and taken care of. She also understood why she didn't eat the two weeks after returning home after the hospital stays from that one mission. Because reading about what can mentally happen to you once you actually kill someone is one thing. Experiencing it is a completely different thing. And when you get seriously injured in the process it's even worse.

She stopped treating the life as a ninja so lightly at that point. She knew the dangers but then she also realized what it meant to her and how very much she wasn't cut out for it. She's happy that Yutaka Sensei and Kakashi realized what was going on in her head at that time and cut in to give her other options. Because that's what she needed. Options to not have to go out there when she couldn't handle it. Options to avoid being forced into roles she couldn't and didn't want to fulfill.

So, of course, she was never angry at Yutaka Sensei when he told her point blank that he knew she wasn't made for this in the long run the second Team 4 ended their first training session. Really she wasn't. He still tried helping her to be her best version of a ninja and at least he did his role as a teacher. On top of that, he actually listened to her which she couldn't say from a lot of the adults in her life at that point in time.

But now she's reached a point where even he can't help her. Every step up the stairs feels like a huge effort and her stomach has dropped to her knees by now. That she hasn't been home since the fight with her father isn't making this easier. She knows how upset her mom must be but there was no use in staying at home and egging her father on.

So she took turns staying with Nanami and Keiko. Which to be fair wasn't easy either. She could fess up about the fight she had with her father but not the real reason behind it. And if it wasn't enough that she already felt bad about not telling them about Deidara, this put the final nail in the coffin. So no matter what the outcome is today, she'll have to fess up to them about something. They must be suspecting something already anyway. It's been nearly seven months since her last mission and even then it was the mission connected with Deidara's interrogation.

And normally by now Team 4 would have worked on something together again, for old times sake. It wouldn't have been anything elaborate. Just an easy, short mission during one of the school holidays. Because even if she doesn't like going on missions much, it is fun to work as Team 4 together, for more than just a training fight. They do have fantastic teamwork after all.

She can't hide the surprise on her face when Yutaka is standing in front of the Hokage's office, arms crossed and very obviously waiting for her.

"Sensei," she says and stops next to him. He turns to her and smiles his typically serene smile. It still has that calming effect though admittedly it doesn't do as much as it did back when she was twelve.

"It's good to see you, Mizuiro."

"Yeah. Same."

"How are your parents?"

"Good, I think. My mother is pregnant, so they'll stay in the village for a while."

"Ah, that makes sense. Please offer her my congratulations when you see her next time."

She nods and then sighs, lowering her gaze to the floor. "So are you here to lessen the blow when my father wins this fight too?"

"Why don't we go inside and talk to the Hokage first before you jump to conclusions."

He doesn't give her the chance to answer and instead just turns to knock on the door. He pushes it open once there's a "Come in." and she quietly follows him inside.

"Ah great. I was waiting for you two to arrive." The Hokage is sitting behind her desk, hands folded on the desk and eyes fixed on them. Shizune isn't anywhere to be seen, probably off somewhere fulfilling another task. The Hokage waits until the door is closed before she continues talking. "Have you talked to your father about this again?"

"No. I actually haven't even seen him since the fight."

She sighs. "You know. When I agreed with the Kazekage to take in that Nukenin I was aware of how much trouble it could cause. I just didn't think it would be trouble that doesn't even really have anything to do with him."

"I'm sorry, Hokage. I know you have more important business to handle than stupid family fights."

"Save your excuses. Just promise me you'll keep doing your job properly, even if it causes you more trouble in the future."

Mizuiro straightens up in surprise. "What do you mean in the future? I'm not removed from the mission?"

"In theory, yes. You absolutely are. What Deidara did under your watch was dangerous and he can call himself lucky that your father still had enough reason in himself to talk instead of just overpower him as one should when running into a Nukenin like him, no matter what the circumstances. And really you never were my first choice for this and we all know that. But like Yutaka told me after his visit with Deidara, he trusts you. And that's what we need if we want him to be useful. Without his trust, we won't know on which side he stands once push comes to shove and if we upset the tiny little world he was able to build himself here — with your help — then we can be sure to lose that. So there's no way I'm removing you from the mission."

"I - uhm thank you, Hokage." It sounds logical. Everything sounds perfectly clear but still, it hasn't quite settled in yet.

"This also means though that I will accept no complaints from you and won't let you back out of this if you're not happy with how your life at home gets affected by this."

She nods. It won't be easy but she'll find ways to deal with her father. Even if it will mean fulfilling every other wish of her father. It's for the safety of the village and Deidara respectively. And it's not like her father will stick around for much longer anyway if he wants to keep the business going but return before her mother is due. "I understand. I think I'll manage."

"If you don't, this could mean serious trouble. But Yutaka reassured me you are smart enough to understand the consequences and actually will follow through."

"Of course. I have just one question." She glances back at her Sensei. "It seems like you put a lot of trust in Yutaka Sensei's opinion here. Which is fine because he knows more about me than you do. Just why is he here today?"

"Well, after this incident I had a thought that wouldn't let me sleep in peace. Back when you requested to be allowed to take Deidara outside, you said you didn't know if he was doing anything to keep his strength up and since then you've not mentioned anything about that in your reports. Just that he seems healthier and is eating properly. I want you to find out if he's doing anything. Once you have that information you'll relay it to Yutaka. I'm going to give him more details on what my goal here is after you leave and he will get permission to put whatever plan he sees as good into action. But outside of what he tells you, don't get yourself involved."

She draws her eyebrows. She's not sure she fully understands what the Hokage's going for but to be honest she doesn't completely care. That she isn't removed from the mission is her main focus right now and she'll make sure to not risk that again. For once she actually feels satisfied with not knowing everything.

* * *

After she leaves the Hokage tower her first stop is the closest supermarket. It hasn't been a full week yet since the outing where they ran into her father and Deidara should have enough pre-prepared food to tide him over for a while — she made sure of that in case she ever got sick or any other emergency would come up out of nowhere.

But she's pretty sure he'll still be happy over fresh food. And maybe he'll also be happy to see her face again. She certainly is glad that she gets to see his again. She got out of this unscathed when she expected to not have the Hokage decide in her favor. But whatever Deidara said to Yutaka during his visit — and she really hopes that there was no drama involved there, Yutaka may look like a pleasant person but he's hiding some dangerous sides behind that smile — must have been enough to make the Hokage willing to deal with further protests of her father.

Oh, and how happy Mizuiro is that she isn't the one that has to tell him, that he has a meeting with the Hokage later today and that she will explain everything to him. It also means she can go home and check on her mom and maybe even get some more things for staying at Nanami's and Keiko's places. Because she knows that even after everything has been explained her father won't accept this easily and there's no way he won't be angry with her. So there is no way that she'll be staying at home again before he leaves for his next job.

She barely manages to balance both bags in one hand to release the seal on the door to Deidara's apartment and it's even more of a struggle to actually push the handle down and open it. But somehow she manages and pushing it closed is easy enough. She expects to be greeted by Deidara because she's very much aware that he can recognize her chakra by now and she thought he might be waiting for her to return. But instead, the apartment stays silent even while she places the groceries in the fridge and cupboards. It's not a farfetched idea that he might be napping in the bedroom — god knows he can fall asleep at the weirdest times of day and in the most uncomfortable looking positions — so she makes an effort to be extra quiet. It seems to do its job because even by the time she's finished he hasn't joined her.

Now it's her turn to be impatient though because she really wants to tell him about the good news and she's sure he won't hold it against her when she wakes him up for it. The bedroom is dark when she peeks in through the door and she is quick to enter and close it behind her. It takes a second for her eyes to get used to the darkness but when they do she immediately spots Deidara lying on the bed, the only movement his steadily rising and falling chest. He looks downright peaceful like that, though there are deep circles underneath his eyes. She steps up to the bed and carefully reaches out. Her hand has barely grazed his shoulder when she already feels the floor disappear underneath her feet. She hits the ground hard, her breath getting knocked out of her and it takes a second for her to register that Deidara is now on top of her, twisting her arm behind her back and holding her down. She must have startled him and really what was she thinking, waking a sleeping ninja, a Nukenin at that, by touching him. She really should have turned on the light or opened the blinds instead.

"It's me! It's me, Deidara!" she yelps. His grip on her arm is tight and painful but just as quickly as he had her on the floor, he's off of her.

"Fuck," he hisses next to her. "Are you stupid?"

It doesn't sound like a real accusation but she can't help but chuckle disparagingly at herself. She pushes herself up and rubs the wrist of the arm he pressed into her back once she's kneeling. Her heart's still hammering in her chest but there's no pain. Just shock and surprise. She looks over at him and he looks just as freaked out as her. "Sometimes I am, yes."

He sighs and shakes his head. "Are you hurt?"

She let's go of her wrist and raises an eyebrow at him. "You know just because I am not the best ninjas doesn't mean I break like a twig."

"Well, you certainly didn't break your humor." He rolls his eyes but they both stay sitting on the floor in the dark. Her heart rate is slowly returning to normal. "What are you even doing here? Going behind daddy's back?"

"Oh no. Actually, the Hokage wants me to keep working on this mission."

"Really?"

"Don't sound so surprised, okay?" She reaches out to knock her fist against his shoulder but he grabs her hand out of the air and turns it over, inspecting her wrist and arm closely. She lets him, knowing that he's more worried about what an injury on her could mean for him than anything else. But really while she might get a small bruise there won't be anything to see yet. "My arguments were valid and apparently Yutaka Sensei was quite fond of whatever you told him yesterday."

Deidara's thumb presses a little too harshly into her skin and she flinches. He looks back up at her. "Yeah, that was real nice of him to just drop in and make himself at home here."

She smiles apologetically. "He means well even if his smile is more often than not pretty deceiving. If I could, I would have warned you."

"It doesn't matter, he didn't get answers for his questions and it's not like I would have given him them if I had time to prepare. The only thing I would have gained from that would have been more sleep last night." He lets go of her arm, apparently satisfied with her answer about not being hurt now and gets up.

She follows his example, quietly wondering about Yutaka's answer now that she knows that Deidara didn't tell him anything. But maybe that was it. If Yutaka thinks he trusts her, then maybe he gained that knowledge from him not blabbing about her personal business to anyone. Though to be fair it probably means more to her than it means for him. Even if she made her family business partially public knowledge when she picked that fight with her father in front of the Hokage and Shizune, there's no need to spread the details of why further.

"Well, you still convinced him that keeping me as your caretaker was best for everyone. No gain without some loss right?"

He stops in the open door and turns back to her. For a second he just looks at her and then suddenly he smiles. "Sure, whatever. You can make me food as an apology."

"You are so lazy," she mumbles but it's not a real complaint. She has enough time for it and for all it's worth she knows now for sure that they both enjoy each other's company. So why should she be bothered by staying around and making up for the unintended trouble Yutaka caused.

* * *

Mizuiro pushes the window to her own room open, climbs through and makes sure to not let it make noise when she slips it back shut — bless Keiko for installing the idea in all of them to never lock their windows just in case. It feels really weird though to sneak into her own house but it would feel weirder coming through the front door when she very much is avoiding coming home at all. So the window was her preferred choice.

She's in the middle of stuffing clothes into a bag when the door to her room is pushed open. She knows it's her mom and keeps going. She's on a limited time frame and as much as she wants to talk with her mom for a while, she also needs to finish up packing first. Otherwise, this visit would have been pointless in the end.

"So you fought with your father," her mother says and sits down on her bed.

"Well, actually I was just trying to do my job. But he didn't want to hear that."

Her mother laughs. "Ah yes. You are truly his daughter, just as stubborn as he is."

"Well guess what, this time I actually won the fight which is also the reason I'm here to get some clothes. I don't really want to deal with him after he hears it." She knows she sounds angrier than she wants, too. But she also knows that her mother gets it. She hesitates for a second but then throws some of her more civil clothes into the bag too — her birthday is soonish after all. Who knows when her father will actually leave for the next job. He didn't give her a date when he asked her to join him but she's guessing he'll push it back as far as he can since that way he can work with her mother's help until he actually has to leave.

"He'll get over it. He just hasn't accepted the fact that you're becoming an adult that cand can make your own decisions. Now come here for a second would you."

She sighs and places another sweater in her bag before sitting down next to her mother, who immediately pulls her into a hug. Mizuiro's voice comes out muffled when she says, "Sorry that I'm causing drama right now. I'm sure you have bigger things to worry about with being pregnant and all."

"It's not my first rodeo, I've had bigger problems in my life than being pregnant. But we can meet up for lunch at your favorite place tomorrow at twelve so that I can get your side before I talk to him about this again, okay? All I got from him grumbling to himself all week is that this is about some boy."

She can't help but laugh out loud at that and squeeze her mother tightly. "I think 'boy' is the worst description you could use for him."

"But it is about a boy?"

"Kind of but tomorrow mom, okay? I already got here later than I planned and I really don't want to run into him today."

"I know, I know. I'm just being nosy. Remember to get the Michiko's and Yue's something as a thank you for letting you stay with them, alright?"

"Mom, neither Keiko's nor Nanami's family care. Whatever I'll give them, I'm going to get back at some point anyway."

"At least help them with the cleaning and cooking then. Just don't exploit their hospitality."

She squeezes her mother one last time before pulling back. "Don't worry."

Her mother lets her finish up collecting the things she needs without further interruptions. They hug one more time before she leaves through the window again. She's so glad that her mother doesn't pick sides nowadays until she's heard every side.

This way she'll at least have a chance to explain herself fully once.

* * *

The next day at lunch her mother listens to her and lets her talk until she really doesn't know what to say anymore. And oh she's so glad that the restaurant isn't that busy and their place in the corner is quiet because she tells her so many things that she isn't allowed to talk about, she even mentions the progress she made with Deidara — it doesn't matter if it's relevant or not. Though she keeps it vague when talking about Akatsuki, not mentioning the name. But she needs to share all of this with someone who is interested in this because of her and not because of the omnipresent 'What does it mean for the village?' And it feels so good to finally get everything off her chest for once.

When she is done, she looks down at her plate, nearly still completely filled with the steamed vegetables and rice. It's cold by now but she starts eating it anyway while she waits for her mother to say something. Her calm expression hasn't left her face yet which doesn't have to mean a thing. After all, she can't remember her mother ever looking really angry, just disappointed.

"You seem to be completely wrapped up in this mission," she finally says after a while.

She shrugs her shoulders. "I like helping people."

"I know. You've been doing that since you were a little kid. Even while we were traveling."

"And what do you think about this whole thing?", Mizuiro asks, before eating another forkful of food.

"Well, it does sound like it was dangerous. But at the same time, I don't think it actually is anymore. Really you've been doing this since August last year. It was dangerous then. When you didn't know him and didn't know how he'd react to certain stimuli. But now that's nearly seven months without an incident. I don't see why it would make sense to remove you now that you actually know him better and can anticipate what he'll do."

"What about dad then?"

"He overreacted. But you have to see it from his point of view too. You don't tell us a thing and then some stranger, who names his bounty as an introduction, informs him about how you've been hanging out with a wanted ninja for months. So you have to allow him to worry. The way he handled the situation was not the best way but it comes from a place of caring."

With a sigh, Mizuiro pushes her nearly empty plate away. "I know. It just makes me feel like a little kid when he suddenly does it. I'm not really used to it."

"Ah yes, the struggle of growing up smart and everybody treating you like an adult because of it."

"I'm not complaining, mom."

She reaches out to pat her hand. "Don't worry so much. I'm the person who'll never be offended if they do end up as complaints."

"I'm still trying to avoid those comments. Being smart isn't something one should complain about." She shrugs her shoulders and quietly adds, "Though it really can be annoying."

The laughter of her mother is loud and Mizuiro can't quite keep her own laughter from bubbling up. It's wonderful to spend some time with her mother again. She really missed her.


	10. 20 March 98 to 21 March 98

Deidara's awake, sitting upright at the edge of the bed before the door falls shut. The moon is still shining outside, so it must be the middle of the night still. There's no reason for anyone to come by at this time. But then he remembers the unexpected visit of Mizuiro's Sensei two weeks ago and suddenly it doesn't feel that unrealistic. A loud thump and a quiet "Oh shit," followed by suppressed giggling set him at ease though. It's her, after all. He'll need an explanation why but at least it's just her. He's not sure if he could already stand another week of not feeling comfortable enough to sleep again.

He stays where he is and doesn't move. She'll come to him and sure enough a few seconds later the door slowly pushes open, her head poking through the crack. Her face drops into a pout when she sees him already awake and she steps into the room fully. "Aww. I thought I'd get the chance to wake you up."

"So you'd end up underneath me like last time? I'd rather not have that," he replies and musters her. She's not in her usual style of clothes but rather a fancy dress with a jacket over it. He's never seen her this dressed up and it's weird.

"Yeah, I guess that wouldn't be ideal." It takes her a little too long to reply, her words carefully pronounced and he raises his eyebrows.

"Did you drink?"

Her "You are not my father," accompanied by a fantastic eye-roll, is very much a yes. But really she's right and it's not his problem, even if he knows she's not old enough to drink. And after all, he did worse things at her age.

"Okay. Then at least tell me to what I owe the pleasure of your company in the middle of the night."

"Well," she twists her arms behind her back and bobs up and down on her bare feet. "If you put on some clothes, I'll show you."

"Mizuiro. Whatever you are planning is probably not something we are allowed to do. Or more specifically, I'm not allowed to do."

She crosses the small distance towards where he's sitting and places her hands on his thighs. She leans in close, her smile turning vicious. "I know for a fact you aren't being watched right now. So I won't tell if you don't."

He holds eye contact for a while — she's even wearing makeup, what was she even doing before coming here? — and only breaks it to let himself fall back onto the bed. "Okay, fine, go wait at the door. I'll be with you in a minute."

She pulls back and claps her hands together excitedly. God, he's such a pushover when she asks things of him. He really hopes it'll blow over once the gratefulness of still having her around after the issues with her father has ebbed away a little. He rolls his head to the side to look back at her. She walks backwards to the door and points at him. "Don't you dare to fall asleep again!" she says. Then she twirls around, her dress flaring out, and leaves the room.

He blinks at where she was standing a moment ago. That dress is too damn short. She should learn to properly dress herself before trying to order him around. With a sigh, he pushes himself up, off the bed and walks to the dresser. He changes quickly because who knows what else she'll come up with if he leaves her alone for too long.

When he joins her at the door, she's sitting on the floor closing the clasps of her shoes. He slips on his own and when she reaches out her hands to him, he pulls her onto her feet.

"A dress, heels, makeup, and alcohol. So what exactly were you doing before you came here?"

She looks disbelievingly at him and it's weird to have her be slightly taller than him. "I thought I mentioned that I was celebrating my birthday today? Well technically yesterday but," she shrugs her shoulders instead of finishing her sentence.

"No, you didn't. But happy belated birthday then?"

She smiles, tilting her head to the side. "Let's get going."

"Sure." 

* * *

"Mizuiro!" he hisses and pulls her back from the fence. "When you dragged me out of bed I thought we'd be going for a walk at max. What the fuck are we doing here?"

She sighs, like his question is the dumbest possible thing he could have asked right now, and turns around to look at him. "We are going swimming. Duh."

"It's 3 am and this swimming pool is neither open nor is this fence an official entrance."

"You have fantastic combination skills."

"Be serious for a second. I'm in no position to sneak into a locked, public space."

She reaches out and pats his shoulder. "I promise you, nobody cares. I know a lot of people who do this all the time, my friends and me included."

"Great, that doesn't really convince me."

"Deidara. Nothing will go wrong, okay? Nobody's watching you, nobody cares, let's just have some fun." She pouts. "Think of it as doing the birthday girl a favor."

He swallows. "If I say no, you'll still go swimming?" He's not actually worried but she did drink and he has no idea if she's actually still sober enough to be smart about things. Also, god knows if she'll leave him out here.

"Yes."

"You owe me big time after this. Don't even think about teaching me anything in the next weeks."

"I'll live. Now come on." She turns to the fence, easily jumping onto it. She looks back at him and smiles. "Need help?"

"I'm good." He may not have been the most active during his confinement but even without chakra this fence sure as hell isn't a problem. He still feels a little awkward jumping over the fence, muscles a little stiff, though he sure as hell doesn't let it show. She follows him down and starts walking in the directions of the pool. He falls into step beside her. At some point, she stops and tugs off her shoes before continuing on.

"You know, I'm pretty sure there's another flaw in your plan," he says once they stop next to the blank surface of the pool. She drops her shoes and starts unbuttoning her jacket.

"Do tell." She places her jacket next to her shoes.

"Neither of us is wearing appropriate clothing for this."

She looks up at him from below her eyelashes, her smile mischievous. And then without hesitation, she tugs her dress up and over her head and then drops it onto the ground. He doesn't get a chance to say anything before she already dives into the water.

"Well that certainly works, too," he mumbles and waits for her to surface again. When she does she wipes her hair out of her face and smiles.

"So are you going to join me?"

"I guess I have no choice."

She pushes off of the pool edge and swims backwards but doesn't take her eyes off of him for a second. Really he has no choice here, does he? Without further ado, he pulls off his own clothes, though he doesn't jump in like she did but rather lets himself sink into the water slowly. Which turns out to be a good decision because the water is much colder than expected.

"It's funny. For someone who lived on the run for four years, you sure as hell look like you've never touched cold water before."

"Watch it," he replies and flicks water at her. She grins and he only gets a split second to close his eyes before the water she splashes at him hits him in the face. With a sigh, he brushes his now wet bangs out of his eyes. He can hear her cackling and god he's already regretting agreeing to this. "If you know what's good for you, you should start running."

He opens his eyes to her looking at him apprehensively but she hasn't moved an inch. So he starts wading towards her. "I'm not joking," he adds and it seems to be enough to finally startle her into movement. Quickly she kicks off of the floor and starts swimming away from him.

He doesn't know how long he chases her around the pool, it's a good while though and he actually does have fun. He even catches himself laughing at the antics she's making, even forgetting about how they aren't supposed to be here. He can still feel himself getting tired though. He's been doing his best to keep up his strength and stamina like he told her last week. But there is not much he can do inside the apartment and he knows both still suffered a lot, with the way his breath is getting labored. He's no good like this though and he really does want to help in every way possible when push comes to shove, fighting absolutely included.

Somehow he still manages to catch her by the arm while she's trying to dive past him. They surface together and he tugs her the last few meters towards the edge of the pool before letting go. He drops his arms onto it and rests his forehead on them, trying to calm his breathing a little. She's giggling and bumps into him while grabbing onto the edge too. He assumes she pulls herself out of the water from the noises he hears and god he really can't imagine leaving the water this soon. As much as the coldness bothered him at first, now it's a relief for the light burn in his muscles. The feeling of weightlessness is nice too.

Her hand touches his head and pets over it a few times before she actually starts playing with his hair. He lets her, not bothered enough to care. "I'm sorry. Was this too much?" she asks, the worry clear in her voice and not a hint of teasing. He's not even a tiny bit surprised that even while drunk she's like this.

"I'm fine," he replies and turns his head so that he can look up at her and oh for Christ's sake. He forgot that she was in just her underwear. It really didn't matter while they were both in the water, it's not like he could've seen anything then anyway. But now she is very much on land and in clear view and he can see pretty much everything. He swallows but doesn't avert his eyes. Sue him but it's been a while since he had the chance to see a woman like this — hell it's been a while since he's been in close contact with any woman outside of her. And yeah if she's walking around like this she'll have to reckon that he'll look. So the heat in his cheeks is really not from embarrassment.

His eyes catch on something and he feels his eyebrows jump up. He barely manages to swallow the question of whether that is a hickey because clearly, it is. He's given and seen enough to know what they look like in every form and state. But it's so not his place to ask about it even though he's even more curious than ever to hear what she did before she visited him.

"It's getting late." His eyes jump up, a little scared that he got caught looking, but she's staring at the water, a faraway look in her eyes. She lightly pats his head one last time and then pulls her hand away. She sighs while stretching her arms up over her head. "We should get going."

In one swift movement, she pulls her legs out of the water and gets up without waiting for an answer from him. It takes him a while before he reacts and gets out too, a little overwhelmed by this sudden decision. When he does though she has already started to get dressed again. And oh just the idea of pulling on his clothes over his wet underwear and body sends a shiver down his back. Or maybe that's just the low temperatures of March catching up with him. But it's not like he has other options. So he follows her example of getting dressed and together they walk back to the fence. 

* * *

The walk back to his apartment is quiet and he catches her yawning more than once. Combined with the way she's clutching her jacket around herself, he assumes she's both tired and cold by now. To be fair he's too and he already slept a few hours before she woke him up. But it must be past 4 am by now and who knows when she got up yesterday.

She wordlessly unlocks the door once they reach his place but when she makes to step to the side to let him pass, he gently pushes her inside. She looks confused when he closes the door behind them. "I'll give you some dry clothes to change into. Can't have you catching a cold now, can we."

"Oh, thank you." She follows him into the bedroom where he quickly shifts through the few things he has. Once he finds something she'll mostly fit into, he throws it at her. She fumbles a little while catching it, nearly dropping it to the floor.

"You can change in the bathroom. If you want to you can shower to warm up too."

She nods and leaves the room again. He starts taking of his own clothes, dropping them to the floor. He should have gotten himself a towel to dry off with before letting her use the bathroom. With a sigh, he takes a clean shirt and dries off with that. "What a waste," he mumbles to himself and once he's done, he drops it onto the pile of clothes. He can hear the shower start running while he's pulling on fresh clothes and he nods to himself, glad that she's taking him up on the offer. He really doesn't want her to get sick and be unable to come by.

He wanders into the kitchen and makes them tea while he waits for her to finish up. He has no idea if she'll stay to drink it but just making himself some wouldn't be the nice thing to do. He laughs at himself, wondering when he started being nice for no reason and leans back against the counter while he continues to wait.

It's about five minutes later that she steps into the kitchen. The clothes, already big on him, are even bigger on her and she futilely keeps pushing up the sleeves. But at least she looks warmer and more awake now.

"Tea?" He pushes the second cup on the counter a little in her direction.

She smiles and steps up next to him. She grabs the cup of the counter and then turns around. "Thanks."

For a while they just stand next to each other, sipping their tea. It's her that breaks the silence again.

"So I uhm was wondering about something."

"And that is?" He looks at her but she's got her eyes fixed on her cup.

"You probably didn't have a lot of alone time while with Akatsuki right?"

"Define alone time."

"Like," she makes a crude gesture with her free hand.

He feels his mouth drop open a little. "You're asking if I had time to get off."

She shrugs her shoulders. "It was just a thought like I said. But you were looking at me today and it just reminded me that you have been locked up in here for months on end and maybe it got boring but you didn't want to ask me to get you anything to help. So I thought I'd offer to bring you some material."

So she did notice him looking after all. But the nerve she has to ask this question and say these things. He takes a sip of his tea and swallows down his shock with it. "You're really crossing some lines here."

"I'm sorry."

He shakes his head. He might as well then. Making eye contact with her he says, "I'll let it slide if you tell me where you got that hickey."

She blushes bright red and he smirks. Averting her gaze, she places her tea behind her on the counter. "I might have had some fun after my birthday party was over."

"Well, it can't have been that much fun if you left afterwards and came here."

"Oh my god, shut up." She slaps at his arm. "That's not true."

"Or was waking me in the middle of the night less awkward then waking up with him tomorrow or sneaking into your friend's places at this time of night?"

"How do you even know I'm still staying with them?"

"I have fantastic perception. I would have noticed if you'd finally made up with your father."

She stares at him and then shakes her head. "I don't like you today. You're too cheeky."

"Is that so?" He puts down his empty cup and steps in front of her. She straightens up immediately but he's already trapped her by placing his hands left and right from her on the counter. He gets even more up in her personal space by leaning forward and makes eye contact. "So you think I'm being cheeky today. Not you, who is breaking rules left and right and spend her night drinking and with two different guys?"

She laughs and pokes her finger into his chest. "Please. What I did has nothing has to do with what you are."

"Oh, I see. Then you'll probably won't mind me actually validating your words." He lifts his right hand up to her face. She frowns when he moves to brush her damp hair behind her ear but then her face morphs into an outraged expression. He laughs the tongue of the mouth in his hand retracting after licking her cheek. "This is being cheeky."

"Did you really just lick me?" She brings her hand up to wipe her cheek.

He takes a step back and holds his arms out to the sides while shrugging his shoulder. Then he turns around and leaves the room while saying "I'm going back to bed. You can sleep on the couch if you don't want to leave."

"We are not done talking, Deidara!" She's following him.

He laughs again and steps into his bedroom. "Your teacher voice doesn't work on me."

"That's not the important part here!" She presses her hand against the bedroom door when he tries closing it on her. She looks flustered but doesn't say anything else, just stares at him.

He holds the eye contact and patiently waits for her to continue talking. She doesn't though and at some point, he has enough and shakes his head with a smile. She's acting ridiculous today. "Just go to sleep, okay? We're both tired, you probably even more so than I. It's no use continuing this conversation right now."

She drops her hand away but still keeps staring at him. Then suddenly without a word, she turns around and walks to the couch. He takes that as his cue to being allowed to close the door and returns to his bed. Finally, he can go back to sleep. 

* * *

Waking up the next day is horrible. His whole body hurts in the most uncomfortable way and he's so tired.

Of course, he's used to feeling sore after a fight. But this time it's not the usual overexertion but instead too much exercise without chakra. Because his isn't there in the way it normally is and it's clearly showing with how he's hurting all over when he didn't do that much. To be honest, the last time his body hurt like this was when Sasori took it too far and nearly killed him with poison for being 'an insolent brat that needed to be taught a lesson' — Sasori's words of course. It's an unfortunate memory that's burned into his brain and he has to keep his eyes closed to fight against the nausea creeping up in him. It was one of the worst weeks of his life and just thinking about it makes him feel like he's going to throw up.

He focuses on his breathing and the noises he can hear Mizuiro make in the kitchen to try and push the memories aside. For the most part, it works and after a while, he can get up without feeling like he'll throw up any second.

He doesn't bother changing into day clothes, knowing that he won't get to shower until she leaves anyway. Nausea wells up again when he starts walking and he takes another moment to himself before he leaves his room for the kitchen. She's cooking something, still wearing his clothes though she's properly rolled up the sleeves now.

"Morning," he says and slumps down in the chair closer to the door. He can't bring himself to walk the few extra steps to his usual seat — facing the doorway of course — when his stomach turns just from walking already. Still, he makes sure to not let anything show on his face. He doesn't want her to worry or try help in some weird way that in the end won't make anything easier.

"Morning." She doesn't sound to lively either, so at least there's that. "The couch sucks."

"Do you really want to complain to me?"

"No, just wanted to let you know."

He hums noncommittally and they go quiet while she continues working on the food. He watches her, waiting for the familiar feeling of hunger to take over but it doesn't come. Not even when she places a plate of the prepared food in front of him. It makes him feel angry that even from his grave Sasori still can ruin his days.

He still forces himself to eat, knowing all too well that his body needs it, even if it makes his still queasy stomach turn unpleasantly. But he really doesn't want to give her a reason to ask questions. He can feel her looking at him though from time to time but she doesn't say anything. And he's glad because focusing on not throwing up is using up all of his energy.

"Is it okay if I leave you with the cleanup? I have somewhere I need to be in a bit and I still need to go and change," she asks once she's done eating.

He nods. "Yeah, it's fine."

"Thank you."

He pushes his plate away from himself and watches her get up. And even if he's not feeling much better he still has to tell her one thing that came to mind after he went to bed last night. "By the way. Concerning what you asked last night: No I don't need anything. My hands are enough for me."

She swallows hard and her smile clearly shows her embarrassment. "Right, okay. Then forget I ever asked."

"Nah I don't think so."

She ducks her head with a chuckle. "Well, it was worth a try. Enjoy the rest of the day."

"You too and don't get into trouble."

She rolls her eyes but smiles one last time at him before she leaves the room. A few moments later he hears the door fall into the lock again. With a sigh he slumps forward onto the table, pressing his forehead into the wood. He can feel the cold sweat trickling down the back of his neck and he wraps his arms around his stomach.

"Fuck," he hisses. This is going to be a fantastic day. 

* * *

Mizuiro has taken two steps away from the stairs leading up to Deidara's apartment when she makes eye contact with Yutaka across the street. She freezes, guilt and a little bit of shame creeping up within her because of how this must look. She can be glad that it's him who caught her leaving.

"You are one lucky kid," he says when she stops in front of him.

"I'm sorry," she says and lowers her head in shame.

"Explain to me why I didn't see you coming when I had the first shift today."

She swallows and fixes her eyes on the ground. "Will there be consequences?"

"No, because you're obviously unharmed and will feel guilty enough about this as it is. Now explain."

"I was embarrassed about staying with Matsuri but didn't want to sneak into Nanami's place in the middle of the night."

"So you came here?"

"I may also have been a little drunk still. But we just talked and he let me sleep on the couch." Being honest about why she's here is one thing but being honest about what they did a completely different one. She can feel Yutaka's eyes on her though and it makes her want to run away and hide. He can probably see right through her.

"I see. You should go and change before you are late for training."

She looks back up at him and nods, fully aware of how graciously she just got out of this and how much trouble she avoided. "Thank you, Sensei!"

She hurries off before he can say anything else. She avoids taking the busy roads on her way to Nanami's place as much as she can, well aware of how weird she must look with Deidara's clothes combined with her heels. On top of that, she really doesn't feel like running into someone she knows.

The front door is open when she tries the knob and she pulls off her heels to at least get to the guest bedroom without being noticed. And it works perfectly, except when she gets inside Nanami and Keiko are sitting on the bed, clearly waiting for her.

"Oh look who showed up."

"We missed you for clean up this morning."

Right cleaning up Tapu. She completely forgot. She pulls a face. "I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you."

"Of course you will. In fact, you'll do it by telling us where you were tonight because clearly, you didn't stay with Matsuri," Keiko says and raises her eyebrows.

Nanami nods solemnly. "He looked really disappointed when we showed up without you."

With a sigh, she goes and sits down between them. She pulls her legs up and crosses them. She already came up with a cover story that made sense. It was easy but there's still that lurking itch underneath her skin to just tell them the truth. She's surprised they haven't asked her about all these little white lies she's been telling. Not even about the details of the fight with her father. They just accepted her word for what it was. And she thinks it's what friends are supposed to do but at the same time, she kind of wants them to push her to tell the truth. Or maybe an accidental run in like with her father would work too — she's actually surprised it hasn't happened yet. At least it would take the pressure off of her about not being allowed to tell anyone about it. Because if they already know it's better to clear things up than let them speculate right? She sighs again.

"I wasn't feeling too well and thought it was better to leave. And I did but I wasn't thinking straight and by the time I realized it I was already nearly at my parents' house. So I went to Natori's place since it was the closest and I didn't want to walk all the way back here."

"Sounds plausible," Keiko mumbles but she doesn't sound convinced.

"Yeah we're not done talking about this," Nanami adds but gets up. "You should change, so we're not late for training."

"Give me ten minutes max and I'll be done."

"Alright." They both leave the room but once the door is shut they immediately start talking. Mizuiro can't make out anything but she knows very well that they didn't buy it. And it's fair. It was a smooth story but she's not good at lying. For now, though they let her off the hook and she's grateful for it.


	11. End of March 98 to May 98

"You want to do what with me?"

"Strength training."

As if it wasn't enough that Mizuiro's teacher invaded Deidara's space the second time within a month. Now he'll have to spend even more time with him.

"Why?" Deidara crosses his arms in front of his chest.

"You're not doing enough on your own. Mizuiro keeps telling the Hokage that you clearly want to help us. Yet she told us you don't do more than the basics in your free time. And we've also never seen you fight. Who's to say Akatsuki's judgment on you being talented and an asset wasn't wrong?"

He feels his eyebrow twitch and god the nerve of this guy. He's such an asshole. "I am a fantastic fighter."

"Then don't make such a fuss and just do as I say. It'll make things easier for you."

And god yes he wants to go out and fight, stretch his fingers again. But why does it have to be with him? He'd pick Mizuiro over him every day. He'd even be willing to admit to her that right now he isn't in a condition to properly train.

He's been having nightmares lately and sleeping through the night isn't a thing anymore. After their little outing in the middle of the night he keeps waking up, sweaty and nauseous, the tail ends of memories of that week with poison in his body in his mind. It has affected his appetite and he's spent most of his time in a horizontal position, too dizzy or nauseous to move around much. When he got up upon Yutaka's arrival he felt his vision go dark for a second and he's lucky that the adrenalin kept him from fully blacking out. So really he shouldn't train right now. No matter how badly he wants to. But this isn't Mizuiro. This is a stranger, who looks at him like he's not really worth his time. So he'll take it even if it'll do more bad than good for him in the end.

"Tell me what you want me to do."

Yutaka smiles. "See, wasn't that easy?"

The only positive thing is that maybe he'll get to punch him at some point.

* * *

It happens during the third training session.

Technically she's not supposed to be here. It's not an official rule but Yutaka told her to just let him do his work in peace and that an aspiring teacher is not what he needs there. She's mostly there though because she's curious, not because she wants to teach anyone anything. She wants to see with her own eyes what Yutaka plans on doing with Deidara and even more so how he fights. She only knows from the interrogation that he portrays himself as a good distance fighter. But not once did he mention anything about close combat or weapon skills. And that's the maximum of what he'll get to do here since there's no way that they'll release the chakra seal for this. Still, there's a pair of Anbu standing in the corner of the training area, for safety reasons she assumes, and their presence makes her feel nervous even though she doesn't have any reason for it.

And it's not like anything exciting is really going on. The most Yutaka let Deidara do until now was some basic things that even an average academy student would be able to do. Still, she leaves her Shashin Shisen activated, to make sure that she won't miss anything. Also maybe that way she can give Deidara some pointers on his form afterwards when she's actually allowed to act as a teacher.

She feels kind of bad about how strict and ruthless Yutaka is acting towards Deidara. She forgot that he gets like this sometimes and it's been since before her Chunin exam that she last had this side of him directed at her. He can be pushy and mean and she hates it but in the end, it made her stand her ground and do her best. Because that's what he uses to teach. He figures out one's weakness and then pushes and pushes and pushes until in the end the person snaps and either gets over their problem or at least finds a way to work around it.

She can see how well it's working on Deidara too. He's getting more and more agitated and angry, and it's only a matter of time before he'll explode. And Yutaka obviously waited for just that because he easily grabs his leg when Deidara suddenly turns around and goes for a roundhouse kick. He holds out his free hand towards the Anbu, a silent order for them to stay where they are.

"You're too easy," he says and pushes him backwards by his leg. To Deidara's defense, he at least stays standing, even though it takes him a moment to rebalance.

"You don't know me."

"You're a child who never learned that patience is a virtue. And obviously, you also didn't learn that you should listen to your elders."

She leans forward, biting her lip. This is going to escalate soon. The tension is thick enough to be cut with a kunai. She gets now why Yutaka didn't want her here. She's too biased already.

"Patience." Deidara laughs and it makes a shiver run down her back. "You sound like Sasori. To bad his patience with me is what brought him his death in the end."

"And your lack of it will be your death."

They just stare at each other then and she's quietly counting down in her head. They jump into action when she's at four but from the way Yutaka mostly just backs up and defends it's immediately clear that he just wants to test his abilities. So she keeps watching closely, realizing after a while that Deidara's natural fighting stance is a little off center and that he leaves his chest too open. She guesses it comes from where he carried his clay pouches, his most valuable and needed weapon and in turn his focus on what to keep protected.

The spar for a good while and Yutaka having the upper hand is clear for everyone to see. But Deidara doesn't stop or back down. She wishes he would though. Because the exhaustion is clear in every part of his body and by now his muscles must be shaking with overexertion.

And then suddenly he's flat on the ground. She jumps up in panic but there's already an arm across her chest keeping her back. It belongs to one of the Anbu and he looks at her. "Stay here."

She opens her mouth but he cuts in before she can even make a tone. "It's an order."

She deflates and wraps her arms around herself, silently watching how Yutaka checks Deidara over and then straightens back up. "He just passed out. He must have gone past his limit," he says and waves the other Anbu over.

"Well what did you expect, Sensei," she mumbles to herself, aware of the Anbu's eyes still on her.

They talk quietly for a moment before the Anbu nods and within the blink of an eye she's disappeared. Yutaka turns to them. "She's going to check if the onside infirmary is usable. We can't bring him to the apartment like this. We'll leave him there until he wakes up."

"And by leave you mean, I'll be allowed to stay with him," Mizuiro adds.

"And your reason for that request?"

Always with the questions for reasons and motives. As much as she appreciates being heard, in a situation like this, it's only bothersome. "If he wakes up alone, in an unfamiliar room, don't you think he'll panic and maybe hurt himself even more than he obviously already did? Also, my mission is to take care of him and watch over him, so that's what I should be doing."

"Alright." He turns back to Deidara, mustering him. He's still sprawled across the floor, on his back and hasn't moved. It's a little worrisome to her but no one else makes any move to do more about it and the Anbu surely won't let her leave her seat yet. So she'll have to wait a bit longer.

"Thank you."

It only takes a few more minutes before the Anbu returns and nods to Yutaka. She watches them pick him up and looks back at the Anbu next to her. He nods and finally, she can get up and join them in the small fighting area. It used to be a small practicing ring for the academy but over time it's become more of a space for tests and is rarely used during the normal school routine. So it is a little rundown but apparently still in good enough shape when it comes to the connecting rooms.

She keeps quiet and holds back until they've placed him on the cot. Only then does she step forward. There's not much she can do if they're basically only here to wait for him to wake up. And she trusts Yutaka but just to calm the worry in the back of her head she takes his pulse. It's regular and calm and it makes her breath a little easier.

She looks at his face. The dark circles underneath his eyes are more prominent than she's ever seen them. And they already were bad in the past week. She assumed he wasn't sleeping well, maybe still because of Yutaka's visit. Or again rather. That he didn't eat as much as he did before was obvious too.

And she could have asked him about it but it's not like she could have helped him. She started reading up on trauma and stress and how they influence a human but that doesn't mean she would be able to offer him proper help or advice. The only thing she could do is listen in the end and she's not sure if it'll help in any way.

"Mizuiro." She looks back at Yutaka. "We'll be outside talking about some things if you need us."

She nods and waits until the door closes behind the three of them before she sits down next to Deidara on the cot to wait.

* * *

He comes to slowly.

He feels like lead and there's the by now usual feeling of nausea in his stomach. It's a fight to even open his eyes and when he finally got them open everything is fuzzy around the edges. Mizuiro's face pops into his vision and for a moment he's confused because why is she here. But then she smiles and he doesn't really care that much anymore.

"Back with the living?" It's too much work to keep his eyes open so he lets them fall close again. Her hand comes to his forehead and it feels nice and warm against his clammy skin. "You could have said that you weren't feeling well."

He chuckles even though his throat is dry and it hurts. It doesn't surprise him that his voice comes out croaky. "Who said I wasn't feeling well?"

"You passed out on us. What about that screams 'I'm healthy' to you?"

"Fair. I guess."

Her hand disappears from his forehead and a few moments later she says "Here, you should drink something."

He opens his eyes again — it's already a little easier — and looks at her. She's holding out a bottle of some soft drink. "I'd prefer water."

"And I'd prefer to get some sugar into your body so that your circulation doesn't say bye again while I walk you back to the apartment."

He sighs and reaches out his hand. It's shaking badly and the bottle nearly slips from his hand when he brings his arm back. He doesn't bother properly sitting up, just props himself up enough so that he can drink without trouble and then slumps back down when he's done.

Her eyes are on him the whole time and her worry is palpable. "I'm fine, I promise. It was just a little too much, a little too soon."

"Yeah. I just…" she trails off and he looks over at her.

Her face is drawn, concern written all over it. And it makes him want to talk. It makes him want to actually tell her what's going on. It's a weird feeling. He licks his dry lips. But they probably aren't alone, they never really are. "Later, okay?"

For a moment she looks like she wants to protest. He can already hear her saying how he doesn't have to and how she didn't mean to pressure him. But he reaches out and pats her cheek, noticing that his hands are less shaky already, and says: "This is happening on my terms, so I'm okay with it."

She quietly says "Okay." and then smiles at him. It's genuine and yeah that's exactly what he needed. Funnily enough, it also reminds him of that comment she made once, how she liked it better when he smiles. He thinks he gets it a little more now why she said that.

* * *

He doesn't lean on her the whole way back to the apartment. She still stays close just in case because she can see how hard he's clenching his teeth. But he had made sure to let Yutaka know that he was just sore and he'd better prepare for next time. It was ridiculous and made her smile and forget about worrying for a hot second though, so she won't tease him about it.

Once the apartment door closes behind them, Deidara groans and just leans back against the door for a moment. He kicks off his shoes and it seems to take a lot out of him. She takes off her own too but watches him closely, ready to jump into action should he pass out or just get dizzy again. He doesn't though, just stands there for a moment, breathing heavily, before pushing upright and walking towards his bedroom. She follows hesitantly not quite sure if that's what he wants her to do.

She stops in the doorway and watches him flop down onto the bed. The frown on his face has evened out a bit when he rolls over, closer to the wall and onto his back. His head lolls towards her and he pats the bed beside him. "Lie down."

She makes a confused noise.

"It's annoying when you stare at me all worried while I talk. And this way you won't," he continues. He doesn't sound like he wants to hear any backtalk and honestly, she doesn't really know what to do with this other than do as he says. So she climbs up onto the bed and lies down on her back next to him. It's a tight fit and she can feel the warmth of his body, they're that close. It's weird. But it also very much does what he wanted because if they're nearly touching than directly looking at him would mean she'd be face to face with only a few inches between them. Too close.

So she fixes her gaze on the ceiling and crosses her arms over her stomach.

His voice is quiet when he starts talking. "I never made Sasori's life easy, you know that. And well at some point he had enough of my bullshit and disobedience and took it upon himself to teach me a lesson. He used one of his slow working poisons on me. I don't know how long exactly it was in my system but at some point, he switched it out with the antidote and waited until I was on the way to recovering, before poisoning me again. I was out of it for at least a week already at that point and I couldn't lift a finger without every one of my muscles screaming at me in pain. To be honest, all I really remember from that time frame is just endless pain, not being able to breathe and thinking I'd for sure got myself killed this time."

"But he gave you the antidote again," she says, keeping her voice quiet too.

"Yeah. While the Leader probably knew Sasori had taken measures to discipline me, he still gave us a new mission, so his hand was basically forced. But I'm sure he would have gone ahead and just watched me die if that hadn't happened. Either way, it taught me to be more careful and subtle in what I was doing. So I guess he taught me something at least."

She resists the urge to look at him because he doesn't even sound mad or upset. "How does it connect to today?"

"Well our trip to the pool was the first time I did anything outside of our little walks and what I can do here, so I was sore all over the next morning. It had been a while since I'd actually felt like that and it triggered the memories of that incident to come back up."

"Is that why you looked so tired lately? Because it caused nightmares?"

"Yeah sometimes. But more often I'd have sleep paralysis which didn't help either. It just reminded me more of how it was to be conscious but not able to move in any way or form. It's a horrible feeling. And not being able to sleep properly caused my appetite to drop in turn. I was dizzy and nauseous in turns from lack of both and just felt generally shitty."

She's read about sleep paralysis. It popped up in connection to stress somewhere. It must be horrible to be alone while experiencing it. She clenches her hands and bites her lip. "Why didn't you say anything? At least to Yutaka if you didn't want me to worry. He would have given you some more time before starting with the training."

"He just pushed my buttons too much. I think he's got a knack for that." He chuckles but it sounds self-pitying

"Deidara." She can't stand it anymore and turns her head to look at him. He's stubbornly staring at the ceiling and he actually looks upset. She doesn't know what to do so she says the first thing that pops into her head. "I don't know if I can help you anymore."

His gaze immediately turns to her, confusion and surprise clear in his face. His voice sounds hurt when he says "Good to know."

"Please don't get me wrong. I want to help you so badly, I just don't know how. I've been reading up on how trauma and stress affect people but the material I can get my hands on is limited and just because I know about it doesn't mean I'm actually able to do anything with that knowledge."

"And what does that mean?"

She averts her gaze, feeling a little guilty for burdening him with this too now. Maybe her father was right and this is a number too big for her. "It means I'll do my best but please don't expect anything from me. I can't do wonders."

"I never asked for those."

They go quietly and just lie there next to each other. It doesn't feel as weird anymore. She'd even call it comfortable if she didn't feel like crying because of how helpless she feels.

"Can you do me a favor?" he asks after a while.

She makes a questioning noise and looks back up. He's staring intently at her.

"Stay until I'm asleep?"

"Oh. Sure."

He gives her a small smile and then just rolls over, away from her. She stares at his back for a second and then looks back at the ceiling. It felt natural to just say yes. And really with how she can't do anything else for him, she can at least do that. She closes her eyes and sighs quietly. Maybe with time, she'll get an idea on how to really help him.

* * *

He doesn't know what it is about her presence but when she's around he sleeps easier. Maybe it's just that she is there and his subconsciousness registers it as someone who'll help if anything happens. Or maybe it's just her. He doesn't care and since she lets him sleep most of the time she's at his place nowadays, he won't complain.

Of course, it doesn't fix the problem of his sleep paralysis. It's just that now he gets a more human amount of sleep and in turn can actually stomach more food. It makes it easier to take when he startles awake in the middle of the night, sweat-soaked and unable to move. And then wakes up for real afterwards feeling completely whacked.

He doesn't know what she does while he naps during the day but she told him more than once to just sleep and not worry about her. So that's what he's been doing and since most of the time she's still been there when he woke up again, she probably keeps busy somehow.

* * *

Mizuiro is honestly at her wit's ends.

She's done with going through the books and scrolls relevant to Deidara's troubles and came up with nothing. It's depressing how little research Konohagakure put into psychological trauma and treatments. Though to be fair, ninjas are strong-minded most of the time and deep-seated trauma is rarely found, even after a war. Still, there should be more thought put into it. Prevention is better than cure after all. And right now she really could use all the help she can get.

"Hello? Earth to Mizuiro?"

She startles back into the present and accidentally drops her spoon into her cup of ice cream. It makes a jarring noise and she feels heat creep up in her cheeks.

"I'm sorry."

"Geez, what is it with you lately. You're so absent-minded," Keiko says and raises an eyebrow.

"Yeah, she's right. I'm pretty sure you weren't even listening when I mentioned the gossip I heard in the hospital. Normally you're always all over those things," Nanami adds and eats another spoonful of her own ice cream.

Mizuiro rubs her hands over her face. They are both so right. She's been completely preoccupied with Deidara's problems lately and hasn't spend her free time on anything else. Even her mother already asked her if everything was alright because of all the sighing and brooding she's been doing — she's finally staying at home again after her father left for another job last week.

"You can tell us what's bothering you."

"I know." She sighs again. "But it involves someone else and they don't really want me talking about their problems with others." It's as close as she can get to describing the real circumstances without mentioning him directly. She's told her excuses like this before in the past months and most of the time it worked. To be fair she's super lucky that she never ran into any of her friends outside of Natori when she was together with Deidara.

"Do we know him?"

"No."

"Can you tell it without mentioning his name?"

"Yes."

"Then there is no way we'd ever talk about it with anybody else. And it's not like we would do that if we knew him either. So..."

"I know that I can trust you. It's just-" she breaks off and sighs deeply. What does it matter in the end? They are right. They are her friends and as long as nothing Akatsuki related or any names slip into what she says it should be fine. And maybe they can actually help. It's worth a try and continuing to lie is exhausting enough as it is. "Okay fine. But seriously, promise me to not tell another soul about this. Not even Yutaka Sensei."

"Cross my heart!" they both reply in unison and she can't help but smile.

"Okay, so uhm to make it short my friend went through some shit a few years ago and something reminded him of it a few weeks ago and now he's having trouble sleeping."

"To what extent?"

"Sleep paralysis mostly and he didn't say it outright but I think he's a little scared of experiencing it so he has trouble falling asleep too." She's actually pretty sure of the second part. It took him so long to fall asleep the first few times she was over that there can't be a different explanation.

"Has he tried sleeping pills?" Keiko asks.

Mizuiro shakes her head. "He doesn't want to. He's trained to be a light sleeper since he was a ninja in a special unit once. And the sleep paralysis isn't making him feel safe enough in his surroundings to try them."

"There are different strength though. Maybe a light one would be enough to slow his mind down during the night."

"There are also combinations of herbs that have similar functions if he doesn't want to go the official route. Though as a medicnin apprentice I'm going to say I don't support unprofessional self-treatment."

"Yeah, I know. I'll talk to him again and try to convince him." She'll even stay with him the whole time if it makes him more willing to try. Though she assumes the talking part would be more difficult. She'd have to go through the Hokage for that and oh what a mess this is. "It just doesn't solve the initial problem in the end and he can't take them for too long."

"No, not really. But it might be enough to tide him over until he isn't as troubled by it anymore. After all he got through it once already."

"Maybe. I already looked into how psychological trauma can be treated but I didn't find too much material on it and nothing was really helpful. And I don't want to try something and accidentally make it worse for him."

"I can ask around at the hospital if we have anyone specialized in it if you want me to," Nanami says.

Again that would mean going the official route in the end unless she just asks for advice. Still she's grateful Nanami offered. "That would be nice of you."

"I'll let you know as soon as I can."

"Thank you." She picks her spoon back up but then realizes her ice cream has nearly melted completely. With a sigh she drops it back into the bowl. "What do you two think about going out for dinner next week? My treat of course. To make up for always being so busy and preoccupied lately."

"I'm in."

"Me too. We just have to work around Tsuyoshi's birthday. I don't know what the exact plans outside of him visiting are yet."

"We'll figure it out"

"Now you said something about gossip?"

* * *

Nanami's findings end up being for naught. Because when she tells Deidara about it he blocks off the idea of talking to a stranger immediately. He just doesn't want to talk about this with someone he doesn't know, someone he doesn't trust. And she gets it really but she still also thinks it could help. She's not going to force him though, already glad that he didn't get mad that she talked to others about it. But she also can't do anything else for him.

So she does something she rarely does: She builds lanterns for no reason. Normally her parents prepare everything for their absence beforehand and she'll only have to do minor work. But when she's feeling this helpless, she loves the peace and quiet of the small workshop in their garden and the meticulous work that requires all of her focus, leaving no room for intrusive thoughts and worries. She guesses it's similar to the way Deidara can get lost in his clay.

It's rare that she works on her own designs though even in her free time but with her and her father still kind of fighting, she just really doesn't want to touch any of his work. It just feels wrong.

Within a week she's made two of her own, completely from scratch. It's slower than she's able to work but it's only for her sake and nobody will have to wait, so she takes her time. She's choosing the type of paper she wants to use for her third one when her mom pokes her head in through the door.

"You have a visitor."

"A visitor?"

"I'll bring them here if you don't mind."

"It's fine." She goes back to shuffling through the papers, wondering who it could be. She saw Nanami and Keiko yesterday and there aren't a lot of other people who'd come all the way out here to visit.

The door opens again and she's surprised to see Yutaka enter. "Mizuiro," he says and nods as a greeting.

"Sensei."

And then a second person enters, hands shoved into the pockets of his pants and embarrassment written all over his face.

"Deidara? What-"

"It's Friday. You were supposed to come to collect me after training," he interrupts her, a little bit of bite in his voice.

"It's already that late?" She apparently lost track of time completely.

He huffs. "I can't believe you actually forgot."

"I'm so sorry." She gets up and bows to Yutaka. "Thank you for bringing him here."

"No problem. I'll take my leave then if it's alright. I have some other things to take care of."

"Of course."

He waves towards her and leaves the workshop, letting the door fall shut behind him. A heavy silence falls over them and she swallows, looking him over. He looks exhausted like always and the bruise forming on his cheek doesn't help. Seems like they got into another actual fight instead of just training. She sighs. "You should have let him take you to the apartment so that you could rest."

"As if I'd be able to fall asleep without you around."

She knew he'd say that since it's become their thing after the training sessions. He figured out the sleep paralysis was the worst on those days, so she'd taken to getting him after training and then staying with him until well after he fell asleep. It seemed to be the only thing she could do, so she didn't mind. Today she forgot though and it's no wonder he looks so embarrassed if he had to ask Yutaka if he could bring him here.

"I'm sorry."

He slumps down in one of the chairs and crosses his arms in front of his chest. "Just don't let it happen again."

"I'll do my best."

An awkward silence hangs over them. She doesn't know if it's okay for her to just continue working or if he would rather go home to sleep. But she also doesn't want to ask, feeling bad about what she did and making him walk here and god.

The door opens again. It's her mother again.

"Yutaka left already?"

"Yeah."

"Oh well. Do you two want anything to drink then?"

"Mom," Mizuiro starts. Of course, she'd come here to ask that. She must have realized who Deidara was the second she saw him with Yutaka and now she wants to snoop.

"Actually I'd like some water, please," Deidara speaks up, a hesitant smile on his lips.

And Mizuiro feels the rest of her composure drop away. Did he just smile at her mom? Was he just polite to her? It took her months to get a basic conversation out of him!

Her mother nods and leaves, leaving the door wide open and Mizuiro's indignant "Are you trying to smooth talk my mother?" probably still reaches her.

"I'm just being polite."

"You aren't a polite person!"

"So what?"

She stares at him for a moment and then shakes her head, turning back to the paper. She thumbs through them again and pulls out the first that jumps out at her — a pale yellow color. It'll fit nicely with the dark color she painted the frame. But he's being impossible and her mind is too busy for working properly. Still, she can prepare everything for tomorrow. So she places the rest of paper back in its spot on the shelf and then picks up her measuring tools to add the lines and points she'll need for placing it on the wooden frame correctly.

He steps up to the table she's working on, watching her movements closely. "For someone who doesn't like doing this, you take great care in being neat."

"This isn't for a customer. This is just for fun."

"And that's different?"

She jots down a few numbers on a piece of extra paper lying around and then turns to him. "Of course. You do your kind of art for your own pleasure too, don't you?"

"Well nobody actually ever bought my art, so I can't say I know what it's like."

"I'll show you then." She turns back to the shelf, pulling off a thick portfolio and takes it back to the table. "Could you put the paper next to the frame over there?" She nods in the direction of the workbench and he follows her request.

"The one you wrote down too?"

"Please." She places the portfolio on the table and unties the string keeping it together. It's collected some dust, seems like her father hasn't used it in a while either. She opens it and thumbs through the first few sketches until she gets to a black piece of fabric separating it into two parts. She flips it open to it. "We do commissions, mostly. But commission's mean doing what the customer wants and most of the time that's just the design of their emblem or shop name on a base color. By now we have stencils for most of the shops and clan symbols in Konoha to reduce the time it takes to make them new lanterns. It's rare that we get to be creative but there's always a design process involved if you don't want the usual standard." She taps on the stack of paper under the black fabric. "These are my designs."

"Ones that actually came to fruition?"

"No just the ones I did for fun." She taps the much smaller stack she placed next to it. "These are the ones that actually got sold. The other ones I only really used as inspiration for gifts. I'm pretty sure everyone close to me received at least one lantern by now."

"Can I look through them?"

Her eyebrows rise. He actually seems interested and that's not something she would have expected. But she steps out of the way. "Be my guest."

He steps up to the table and carefully starts flipping through them. It's a little embarrassing but at the same time, she's also proud of what she can do. And it's not like any of them are finished products, most of them don't even have color schemes. The real magic happens while building the lanterns.

She watches him for a while before she returns to her current project. If he's busy, then he won't interrupt her, so she can work in peace. She continues adding her lines and points of reference, the only noise the scratching of her pencil and the rustling of paper. It's comfortable in comparison with how it feels sharing this space with one of her parents.

A moment later her mother returns, a small tray with two glasses of water and a few snacks on them. She places it on the window sill without saying anything and watches them. Mizuiro glances at her out of the corner of her eye and realizes she's mostly mustering Deidara, who doesn't make it known whether he's bothered by it or not. She gets why she's curious. Mizuiro told her a lot about him but at the same time, it's really all just her words and her point of view. But now she actually has a chance to see him and talk to him a little.

"You seem to like that design," her mother says suddenly.

"It's something," Deidara responds quietly and wow what a compliment that is. She looks back over her shoulder to see which one he's looking at and freezes. She forgot she had that one. It's actually one of the few she completely colored in and didn't just give a color scheme in the corner of the paper. But she just got excited when she saw the nearly completely transparent paper her father had bought. It had screamed out for colors to her and the fireworks she had come up with would have been perfect for it.

Her father hadn't let her touch it back then though. She still wasn't too good with diluted paint and the paper was thinner than the standard which would have made it even more difficult. So she placed it in her folder for a later point in time and had forgotten about it. And of course, Deidara likes it. It's explosions in their prettiest, most difficult to achieve form. On top of that, it's been around nine months already since he's got to blow something up and just the look of them must be exciting to him.

"If you want it, I'll make it for you," she says, turning her gaze back to the pale yellow paper in front of her. She doesn't think she's ever let her friends pick from her designs, always deciding for them what she'd make. But they never complained and she knows that they are still holding onto them, so they do like what she did. It would be weird to have to live up to expectations for once.

"No. It's too much. The material must be expensive and if you're just giving them away for free, it's going to cause trouble for you one day."

Well, it's a valid argument but not even her father would get angry with her for using the materials. After all, it's practice and making sure she doesn't forget how to do it — as if that would happen, the only thing she could forget is the feeling of the different materials. And most of the time she even makes sure to use less expensive materials, especially with the wood types. She doesn't think she's ever worked with darker woods, mostly sticking to staining or painting the lighter ones.

"Then as a present for your next birthday," her mother chimes in. "That way the gift has a purpose."

Mizuiro turns around to gauge his reaction to that and to make sure they aren't being too pushy. She's kind of motivated to actually make it now, even if he doesn't want it. Still, if he does it would make her happier. He's staring at the sketch still, worrying his lower lip between his teeth and his thumb rubbing over the corner of the paper. The only way she can describe the look on his face is as pure temptation.

"It's less than a week away though. It's on the fifth of this month already."

"Yeah, that's a little short notice. But if you don't mind, you'll get it as a late present."

He makes eye contact with her, hesitates a second longer and then nods. "Okay, fine. Just don't stress yourself out over it. I know you're a busy person."

"Don't worry so much. This isn't work for me and I always make time for the pleasant things in my life."

She smiles at him. Excitement bubbling up in her and oh it's been so long since she wanted to start working on something so desperately.

"Wonderful," her mother claps her hands together. "Since you came the long way here, would you like to stay for dinner too?"

He does not stay for dinner that night. The second of panic on his face told Mizuiro everything she needed to know and she immediately talked her mother out of it, saying that he was probably tired after a hard training with Yutaka and that he probably wanted to get home soon. There's being nice for a first impression and then there's putting yourself on the spot.

Her mother had let her get away with it but not without commenting on it later on, when she came back from his place — she always makes sure he's properly asleep before she leaves and that had taken a while this time. She also told her, that he seemed like a nice person but that she should still be on guard.

Mizuiro would never admit to her that that ship had long since sailed.

* * *

Live gets in the way just when she's close to finishing the lantern for Deidara. It already took her longer than expected, with the two small test runs she did, to figure out whether drawing on the design beforehand would be too much for the paper or better. The design giving her more trouble than she thought added to the time too. She just wanted it to be perfect and that wasn't easy to achieve.

But she was so close to being done when Iruka approached her to ask for her help during the Genin exam time because on one hand he needed her there and on the other did she need the all around experience.

It cut into her free time a lot and between that and spending time with Deidara, her friends, and her mother or just training, she really didn't have time to continue the lantern.

She still celebrated his birthday at the time though, making sure to get her hands on his favorite food for the occasion and to get him at least some form of cake. He appreciated it though he did send her home with most of the small cake still intact, citing that he couldn't finish it by himself anyway as the reason. Though she's pretty sure it also had something to do with the fact that Yutaka had told her to cut back on the number of sugary things she bought him. Which wasn't a lot in the first place but apparently too much for the limited exercising Deidara was doing. Or maybe it was just Yutaka being an asshole to him again.

Either way, in the end, the lantern is still sitting out on a shelf in the workshop at the end of June when all hell breaks loose and finishing it soon suddenly becomes the least of her problems.


	12. 22 June 98 to 27 June 98

The ground shakes underneath her feet and she whirls around to locate the source of the explosion. She can see a huge plume of smoke rising up just a few streets away and suddenly there are panicked people everywhere. She freezes up, realizing suddenly that this is the attack on Konoha they've been waiting for. Somebody bumps into her and the bag of groceries slipping from her hand makes her startle back into awareness. She lets them drop to the ground and breaks into a run. Jumping onto the roof of a nearby house, she takes stock of the whole situation. She can count five major points of attack of the bet but there are already smaller ones adding to it and god how? She thought they had taken out a good amount of Akatsuki members and according to Deidara's report there had been only ten around at all. So how was this possible? Was this not Akatsuki or had they found so many new members this quickly?

Another explosion and her eyes widen. She needs to get to Deidara. There are evacuation rules for these types of situation and everyone knows to follow them on their own accord while helping the people around them. But he can't even get out of the apartment on his own.

She starts running again, using the roofs to avoid getting caught up in the panicked people. When she reaches the apartment, she's breathing hard, heart in her throat from the near run-in she had with one of the attackers. At least she knows for sure now that it is Akatsuki, though he doesn't fit anyone of Deidara's description. She slams her hand against the door, releasing the seal and pushes it open.

"Mizuiro!" Deidara is on her immediately. "What the fuck is going on?"

He's wearing shoes already, his hair is tied up and he looks ready to fight. She swallows and grabs his hand, to tug him along. "Come with me."

She can't explain it to him. She can't, he'll want to fight. He follows her wordlessly until they are on the street. There's ruckus at one end of it and Deidara stops short.

"Akatsuki," his voice nearly gets swallowed up by another explosion and she tugs on his arm, desperation settling in her bones.

"Please just come with me. I need to get you somewhere safe."

"Mizuiro." He turns back to her, dead serious. "They know my chakra, even if it's sealed. Don't you think they'll come looking for me sooner or later?"

"I can't." She can't let him fight. Even worse she doesn't want to let him fight. "None of our ninjas know you. The second anyone calls you by your name they'll get suspicious of you too and-"

He grabs her by the shoulders. His fingers are digging into her and she can practically feel his desperation now. "If I don't fight, people will get killed because of me, okay? I know this chakra. The leader is with the people attacking and he won't let me slip away like that. He'll come and kill me as retribution and he won't care who else is there."

She stares at him.

"I know you can release the seal. And you carry unpoised clay around with you in that scroll, I saw the seal for it. So please."

Another explosion, closer to them, startles her into movement. She reaches up and rips her forehead protector off. She presses it into his hands because what other choices does she have. "Don't make me regret this." He takes it and while he puts it on, she presses her hand into his chest, focusing her chakra.

"Thank you." His voice sounds relieved and when the seal dissolves under her palm, she already knows she used too much of her own chakra with the sweat breaking out at her hairline. Next, she fumbles for the clip-on-scroll and drops to the ground to unroll it and then releases the clay from it. She repacks the scroll and then gets back up. She gives herself one last deep breath before handing the clay off to him.

"Please don't get yourself killed. I really don't want to do that kind of paperwork."

He laughs and then his lips are pressed to her cheek. "Promise," he whispers before pulling back and then he's gone.

She goes in the opposite direction of him. Not sure what just happened and if she made smart choices or if he's just a smooth talker. She takes on the role of helping stray people to the shelters and hurt people to the hospital. And honestly, there's not much else she can do with her chakra level already this low. She needs to train using her chakra more focused and less wasteful. When this is over she'll ask Nanami and Keiko for help.

If they're all still alive by then that is.

* * *

She's already a few streets away from the hospital, having just brought an injured Chunin there, when there's suddenly an immense wave of pressure, bringing rubble with it. She raises her arms to shield her face, turning to the side. And then suddenly she can't move anymore, encompassed in something soft and slimy.

When she's able to move again, she stumbles back onto her feet barely noticing the clone of Katsuyu next to her. She stares at her surroundings in shock. There's nothing there. Where there were buildings seconds ago there's now only debris. Even the hospital behind her is barely standing anymore. And as far as her eye can reach there is nothing left in one piece.

"Oh my god," she whispers, taking in the other people getting shakily back onto their feet and trying to understand what just happened. "Oh my god."

"Are you alright?" Katsuyu asks and she turns towards her.

"What was that?" She's aware she's in shock and it's not good.

"One of the Pains just used a jutsu to destroy the village."

"All of it?" Pain. It's the first time she heard him referred to as that. It's fitting.

"The outer ring seems mostly intact."

She nods. "Thank you for protecting me. Is there anyone close by that needs help?"

"There's somebody fifty meters to the northeast, that's stuck under a rock. He's fine but I can't get him out myself. But are you sure you're okay yourself?"

"Yeah. I need to do something." She can't feel her legs but starts walking in the direction anyway, Katsuyu following close by. When she reaches the stuck ninja he seems delighted to see her and with some effort, she gets the rock off of him. She has to use chakra to keep her sweaty hands from slipping in the surface and god she's so close to her limit. After confirming with the ninja that he's okay by himself, she asks the Katsuyu clone for someone else she can help.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I need to keep moving."

Katsuyu follows her quietly then and lets her do her thing. She can feel her energy draining quickly though and after the third person she's helped, she needs to take a break. She watches them make their way towards the hospital and sits down on a piece of what used to be a wall. She presses her hands down on her legs to keep them from shaking too badly. She lets her eyes wander over the destruction. It will be months until they can return to a normal life after this. Even longer for those who lost more than just their home to this. She hopes her mother is okay and that this won't affect her pregnancy.

She gives herself three minutes before she pushes back to her feet. If she stays here longer she'll crash, losing the last bit of adrenaline in her veins to lethargy. And this isn't over yet so she needs to stay aware. She continues on, carefully climbing over a collapsed wall but she slips, not focused enough, and drops hard onto her feet.

She feels the snap of muscles stretching too far and then she's on the floor. She immediately rolls onto her back, breathing in sharply through clenched teeth when her left ankle brushes the ground.

"Oh no," Katsuyu catches up to her with a wet slap. "Are you okay?"

She ignores her and pushes herself upright. Her knees are bloody and her palms scratched up. "I think I twisted my ankle," she presses out between clenched teeth, then reaches out to pat her ankle down. It only really hurts on contact. But she won't know for sure until she's putting weight on it again. There's no way in hell she'll test it out though. Too much risk of making it worse.

"I can't heal it. If it's broken then it might need to be set beforehand."

"It's fine." It doesn't hurt that much that she can complain about it. It just means she's stuck here until somebody comes by. Fantastic.

"But your knees and hands I can do." She crawls onto her legs and asks her to rest her hands on her too. The warmth of her healing chakra flows through her and at least that throbbing pain ebbs off.

"Thank you."

"It's the least I can do."

She crawls off of her and settles in next to her. Now all she can do is wait.

* * *

She doesn't know how long it's been when she suddenly hears someone yell her name. She hasn't moved from where she huddled against the crumbled wall, waiting for someone to pass by. But apparently, she picked a pretty deserted spot to hurt herself.

"I'm here," she answers loudly and pulls herself up with the help of the wall, careful not to put pressure on her foot. She raises her arm to maybe be seen over the edge of the wall – it's barely taller than her anymore. And it seems to work because a few seconds later, a head and then an upper body pop over it.

"There you are," Deidara says and pulls himself onto the wall. He drops down carefully next to her and reaches out to pat her on the head. "You used too much chakra, I couldn't place you more specifically."

"Yeah." She looks him over. There's blood on his cheek, dripping down his neck and his right collarbone protrudes in a way it shouldn't. But otherwise, he seems fine.

"You don't have a clone of me with you," Katsuyu says and Deidara looks down at her.

"I was in the air when the blast hit. I barely managed to land my bird before it collapsed."

She opens her mouth to respond but the words get stuck in her throat. A sudden shudder runs down her spine and she feels sick with the feeling of a foreign chakra in the air. Her eyes get drawn to the center of the village. A loud animalistic scream sounds. "What is that?" She's not sensitive to chakra, she can't normally feel it well but this, god this feels horrible.

"The Kyuubi," Deidara immediately responds. Of course, he knows. He's been close to beast chakra before.

"I don't like it." She tightly wraps her arms around herself.

"Katsuyu was it right? I saw your clones all over, do you have one at the center too?"

"Yes of course."

"What's going on there?"

"Naruto lost control of the Kyuubi after Pain attacked Hinata. He's at six tails already."

"Oh," Mizuiro feels the color leave her face. "That's not good."

"No, it's not. We should leave."

She turns back to look at him. "I can't walk properly. I hurt my ankle and Katsuyu can't heal it."

"I'll carry you then. We just need to get away from here." He turns around, crouching down.

"Your collarbone though. It looks broken and I can't imagine you can hold me like that."

He glances back at her. "I've had worse and between the two of us, I'll think we manage. And I'd prefer this pain over dying here when Naruto freaks out even more which should be inevitable if he's already at six tails."

"He's right Mizuiro. You two should leave."

She nods and then climbs onto Deidara's back as carefully as she can, worry that she'll hurt him still in her stomach. But he doesn't make a sound, not even when she wraps her arms around his neck. It's clear though that he can't move his right arm much and she tightens the hold of her right leg a bit to make sure she won't put too much pressure on his arm.

"Okay. Let's go."

They aren't quick at all on their way in the direction of the hospital and she's not sure if that's actually his goal. He steps carefully, with the rubble uneven and partially loose underneath his feet and both of them not in a shape to fall. And he's exhausted. His breathing is loud and heavy and she can feel the sweat on his back. She glances back in the direction of the center and can't suppress the gasp that escapes her at the sight of the huge ball of debris forming in the middle of the air. "Oh my god."

"What?" he pants but doesn't look back.

She shakes her head even if he can't see it, keeping her eyes fixed on what's happening. She has no idea what's going on there but whatever it is is massive and scary. "Just keep going."

He does but there's a nervous tension in him now and then suddenly everything is gone. The feeling of the Kyuubi's chakra disappears and then a few moments later the ball crumbles, falling apart and dropping down. They can even feel the vibrations of the debris hitting the ground here.

Deidara stops abruptly, turning around to look back to. "He got his control back? How?"

"It doesn't matter. What's more important is that it means we're safer now, right?" she responds, tightening her arms around him. She's slipping a little and he hoists her up with his left arm again.

"I guess."

He stares at where the ball of debris was for a moment longer and then turns back around, starting to walk again. She drops her head forward and sighs. Now Naruto just has to win this fight, if he hasn't already.

* * *

They have just reached the hospital when she shows up. Mizuiro doesn't immediately realize who she is but she assembles out of paper in front of them and Deidara freezes up. There are other people around, too, the entrance of the makeshift tents in front of the unstable-looking hospital building busy with hurt people arriving. When her shoulders form, the commotion around them starts, the Akatsuki cloak familiar to everyone right now.

"Deidara," she says, an apologetic smile on her face.

"You think it is smart to appear here right now?" he hisses in response, his grip on her leg tightening to a point where it's almost painful.

"The fight is over, Naruto won, and I won't hurt anybody. I just came to apologize. We did you wrong."

Whispering is starting up around them and god this is bad, this is so fucking bad.

"We're sorry for pulling you into this mess. I hope you'll find happiness here."

Mizuiro feels a sudden bout of anger well up in her and says, "You showing up here isn't helping, so get lost!"

The woman glances at her, a smile playing around her lips and then she dissolves into a thousand pieces of paper that get carried away by the wind immediately.

"Let me down," she mumbles to Deidara, who complies without questioning. She pushes him a few steps forward, hobbling after him and then turns back around, facing the small crowd that has gathered. "I don't care what you're thinking, you're going to trust me and believe me: He's on our side and it doesn't matter what you think you just saw because he spent every second of this fight, helping us. So don't even think about going around, spreading rumors." She takes a deep breath. "If you don't believe me, then take it up with the Hokage. She's on his side and I'm sure she has bigger things to deal with right now than you guys."

She looks at the crowd one more time and then turns back around. Deidara's looking at her blankly and she pushes him into the tent. The sudden boost of anger made her forget about her pain for a moment and she manages to at least walk away from them a little gracefully. That high drops though the second they are out of their view. She pulls a face, going back to hobbling, but at least in this area, they cleared the ground. It's necessary though with how busy everything around them is. But Konoha's Medicnins do good and quick work, so they're approached almost immediately by one of them.

"How bad are your injuries?"

"A broken collarbone and a twisted ankle," she responds.

He hands them two yellow pieces of ribbon. "Put them clearly visible around your arms. We'll get to you as soon as we can. You can wait in there." He points them towards the actual entrance of the hospital and then he's already gone again. They follow his instructions and soon enough they've found a place to sit down.

They've been quietly sitting next to each other for a while when Deidara suddenly speaks up. "You're insane."

It's the first thing he said after that woman's appearance and she turns her head in his direction in surprise.

"Do you have any idea what you did to yourself out there?"

"Does it matter?" she replies and looks back down at her hands.

"Of course it does!" He lowers his voice. "What do you think being associated with me will do to your life now that people know that I am in some way associated with Akatsuki?"

"I think we have bigger problems right now then my personal life."

"Mizuiro-"

He gets interrupted by somebody else yelling her name and suddenly she's wrapped up in the arms of someone. She only realizes it's Nanami when she pulls back.

"Have you seen anyone else?" There's panic in her eyes and Mizuiro knows immediately that she's asking about her family, Keiko and their other friends.

"I'm sorry," she shakes her head. It must have been horrible being stuck in the hospital for medical duty.

"Okay, that's fine. I mean at least they can't be dead."

"What do you mean by that?" Deidara chimes in and she startles as if she didn't even realize somebody else was there. She looks at him for a moment, confusion clear on her face.

"Uhm a while back everybody who had died suddenly came back to life. We have no idea what happened since nobody from the center of the fight has come by to report back yet. But others have reported the same phenomena occurring outside everywhere."

"Oh my god, that's amazing."

"Yes, it's amazing."

They smile at each other and suddenly Mizuiro feels every ounce of energy leave her and all the focus she spent on not worrying too. Tears shoot into her eyes and immediately spill over.

"Oh no, you won't!" Nanami gasps. "I don't have time to cry with you right now."

"Sorry," she sobs and presses her hands against her face to hide her tears. "I'm just really glad everyone is okay."

A hand gets placed on her head and then suddenly the world tips. She fumbles and pulls her hands away from her face to grab onto something, only to realize that she's already vertical, head in Deidara's lap and his hand still on her head. She blinks in confusion, looking up at him. His face is a mixture of anger and embarrassment.

"You're crying because you're dead exhausted, not because you're happy. So just rest until it's our turn to get fixed up."

She just nods, not sure what else to say here because everything about this is weird and he is acting strange too.

"He's right. I need to get back to work too. So I can leave you in his hands right?"

"Don't worry. She's the last person I'd harm in this place."

Nanami's eyebrows jump up and she looks down at her, a question on her lips. But she doesn't actually ask it, just gets back up and then leaves with a small wave.

"I wonder if she recognized you," Mizuiro mumbles and wriggles around a little until she's more comfortable. "Yutaka had us three study the bingo book at some point."

"Don't worry right now. Just be quiet and sleep." His hand is still resting on her head and he starts to run his fingers through her hair slowly.

"Yeah." She lets her eyes slip shut and just gives in to the exhaustion.

* * *

She wakes up to a hand on her shoulder, shaking her awake. She blinks against the bright light and her body feels like lead. It's awful.

"Yutaka Sensei, good to see you," she mumbles and slowly sits up, rubbing her eyes.

"I don't have a lot of time but I need you to tell me what those rumors are on about." He's leaning in close and whispering and it takes her a moment to realize it's because he doesn't want to wake Deidara, who appears to be asleep.

"What rumors?" She knows, of course, she does but if this isn't what she thinks it is, it'll cause even more trouble. So being careful is appropriate.

"The rumors of an Akatsuki member approaching you two and making it public knowledge that he was part of them."

She pulls a face. If Yutaka already heard of it then it's probably spreading like wildfire.

"I was hoping they'd be too busy celebrating to spread it."

"Mizuiro, what happened?"

"The female member approached us when we reached the area before the medical tents, apologized to him and wished him the best. I told her to get lost and she disappeared. Afterwards, I yelled at the bystanders to take it up with the Hokage if they didn't trust my words. I didn't know what else to do."

"Okay. That's not ideal but we can work with it. Somehow. Do you think you can still tell me what exactly you told them."

She thinks for a moment and gives her best to repeat it word for word back to him. He nods. "If he was an actual Konoha ninja we could have maybe portrayed it as him being on a secret mission but as it is we don't have much choice but to hope it'll blow over soon."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Don't worry so much," Yutaka says. "He's been through enough to be able to deal with this. Right?"

"I'll be fine," Deidara responds and Mizuiro startles, not having realized he was awake again and listening in. She looks over at him. "I'm more worried about her being lumped together with me."

"I told you it doesn't matter-"

"He's right, Mizuiro," Yutaka falls into her word and lowers his voice to a whisper again. "You need to watch your back in the near future. The Hokage is not in the best condition after channeling her chakra through Katsuyu to protect the villagers. So we're walking on thin ice as it is but with the rumors it's going to get even worse."

She swallows her protests down and just nods. He sounds serious and really what does she know about the workings behind the scene. She doesn't even know who approved of Deidara being kept in Konoha outside of the Hokage. Maybe the elders were against it from the start and will use this as an excuse to throw him out again.

"Then what do you want us to do?"

"The second you're done here, you're going to go to your parents' house. We got reports back already that the outer ring is still complete and was not affected by Pain's attack. And while we're going to need every hand to rebuild the village, you are not going to leave her place until I give you the okay."

"And when my father shows up in a few days time?" She can't imagine her mother won't notify him of the attack and that he won't come back.

"We can't worry about that for now. Just keep Deidara out of sight and trouble. Everything else can wait, even sealing up his chakra again."

She nods.

"And don't forget that he's still wearing your forehead protector," Yutaka adds before getting up and leaving them alone again.

She feels heat creep up in her cheeks. Of course, he'd knew it was hers and it doesn't take long before Deidara drops the protector back in her lap.

"Thank you again."

"You're welcome."

They both go quiet again and don't say a word until a Medicnin joins them to take care of their injuries.

* * *

The track to her parents' house feels long. Partially because there's still rubble and crumbling houses everywhere, making the track even harder, and partially because Deidara feels dead tired. The nap he took at the hospital was nowhere near enough to restore any kind of energy or chakra to make him feel more lively. Especially after how long he went without it in the first place. Even the high of finally feeling his chakra running through his body again has left him by now and all he really wants to do is sleep.

So he just silently trudges along behind her, from the point where she goes looking for that friend from before in the hospital – she offers her and her family to stay at her place until they have other options again – until they reach her home, where her mother seems to have anxiously waited for her arrival because she comes storming out of the house the second they reach it.

She looks much more obviously pregnant than the last time he saw her and he assumes the tears on her face are caused more by the hormones than by actual worry – she's a ninja too, she knows the dangers of the job. Though maybe she thought Mizuiro relatively safe since she started teaching. He tunes in to their conversation when his name falls and just catches the tail end of her saying that he'll be staying here too.

Her mother nods in understanding. She didn't strike him as a person that would pick a fight over something like this but he still expected at least a little resistance. If only because of her husband and the drama it could cause.

"I offered Nanami that she could bring her family too."

"Of course. I already ran into Keiko's parents at the shelters. They wanted to go and check out their place and shop before coming here though."

He swallows hard. Realizing with a start how much chaos this attack really caused. He saw it with his own eyes obviously. Still, it didn't really settle in that it means thousands of people lost their existence. God he can't imagine having his whole existence destroyed within a few seconds and to now have to pick up the pieces. He didn't have anything of worth to him in that stupid apartment and nothing he would call his own, so he didn't even think about this before. But now he feels the anger at Pain welling up inside of him again. It was always there but now it boils up and he wishes he'd gotten the chance to yell at him and give him a piece of his mind when he had the chance.

But no. Instead, he's stuck here, not even allowed to go out and help clean up. Even though he wants to so badly. And god knows when the situation with the Hokage will be resolved and he'll be allowed to do anything again. It's a stark reminder of the first few weeks in the apartment. Except this time he actually cares and that makes it ten times worse.

He's quiet the rest of the day, scared that he'll snap and take out his bad mood on somebody who doesn't deserve it if he so much as opens his mouth. And he doesn't even bother saying anything to his own defense when Mizuiro explains to everyone that's staying here who he is and which parts of the rumors going around are true. Nobody questions her words and it shows how much trust they all put into her. But still there are looks of mistrusts and unease exchanged and it's obvious that they aren't fully comfortable with him there.

It doesn't help make him feel more at ease with his current situation either and he's glad when he can finally flee up to her room. He was surprised when Mizuiro told him he'd be staying in there too. But considering that she's technically still supposed to keep an eye on him, that feeling had quickly dissipated. And then again he actually doesn't mind having her there – her friends are a different story but there's nothing he can do about that. He sleeps better with her around. Not deeper or heavier but it at least keeps the sleep paralysis at bay. He actually hopes it won't rear its head again now that he was literally faced with his past. Though with the exhaustion he can feel slowly overtaking his body again, where he's laid down on the sleeping bag in the corner, he doesn't think it should be a problem for now.

So he lets his eyes flutter close and just gives in to his bodies request.

* * *

Mizuiro is slowly losing her mind and her patience. With the Michiko's, the Yues, Deidara and Matsuri and his father staying at their house there's just too many people around.

Yes, they are all busy with cleaning up – except Deidara who seems to be sulking more often than not about having to stay behind and isn't that a surprise – so most of the time they are only all gathered for quick meals. But still, the last thing she wants to do when she's exhausted is spent time around others. She's just not used to coming home to a full house and it irks her that she doesn't have her personal space right now. What irks her even more though is that she knows how incredibly selfish of her it would be to ask for that space because her friends have more or less lost everything and here she goes crying about not getting peace and quiet in her own home.

Even worse though is that Deidara seems to be having similar troubles and she can't do anything about it because they already had one altercation when they both caught each other in a bad mood and she doesn't want a repeat of it. And she knows everyone else is already wary enough of him as it is – except Matsuri but she's never seen him be biased towards anyone. It's just the way he is. Still, she'd feel bad if she made this situation worse for Deidara when she already feels at fault for putting him in this situation in the first place. So she keeps her distance when she's not sure if she can handle his snappy remarks and it works for the most part. She just wishes she could do more for him. Like, let him help or just give him the option of leaving the house for a walk or something. But with the Hokage still out cold her hands are tied.

At least when her father comes back on the fifth day after the attack, he doesn't even blink an eye at his presence and outside of an offhand "We'll talk about this later" he doesn't say anything about it. Mizuiro isn't quite sure whether it's because of him being happy about all of them being okay or if he just doesn't want to do this in front of the others. In the end, the details don't matter but it takes care of one of her worries at least.


	13. Matsuri's Interlude

_Two chapters today because this one is just a short little interlude uwu_

* * *

Matsuri doesn't think he ever needed a drink more than after seeing Konoha reduced to rubble. Except he couldn't have a drink because everything that had once made Tapu was buried under stone and wood and there wasn't a single piece left straight and whole. He imagined that their apartment on the other side of the main street didn't look much better – he had split up with his father and brother because he really didn't want to see their home destroyed until he absolutely had to. Tapu was bad enough with all the memories he had made there.

What a fantastic start to the week.

But at least his family shared their fate with many others and he wasn't the only one lost on where to start with rebuilding a fucking life. But then again he had friends who'd been lucky enough to get by unscathed and offered their help in every way possible.

One of them was staying with them.

And if that wasn't the most awkward introduction to Mizuiro's mother ever. They had seen each other in passing before of course but not once had they properly talked to each other and he was pretty sure she had figured out how in love with Mizuiro he was within seconds of shaking his hand. But she just smiled at him and didn't even say a word when he was placed in Mizuiro's room for sleeping arrangements. Not that he would have tried anything with her friends and that guy Deidara there. Even though admittedly he would have loved to have five minutes alone with her to just hold her, make sure that she was really okay after this. But he got his shit together and kept quiet because they all had bigger problems and she already looked on edge as it was.

Instead, he put his focus on Deidara.

Deidara, who for some reason everybody seemed to mistrust to some extent just because of some dumb rumors going around town. And wow wasn't that a show of how big of a scaredy cat most ninjas where after all if they let dumb rumors cloud their judgment. Granted they were partially true as Mizuiro told them. But if she didn't care then why should they? And really if he based his judgments on every rumor told – true or false – then he wouldn't have friends at all. Tapu had always been the best place to hear everybody shit talk everybody but he'd never cared much for it.

Either way though, when they had down time after the work for the day was done and they had eaten dinner, he tried his damn best to strike up a conversation with him. It had kind of felt like he was approaching a caged wild animal but it worked, if mostly because of how he wasn't deterred by being snapped at and showed endless patience and humor in return.

In the end, he got a new friendship out of it.

A friendship he regretted making the second life returned a little more to normal again – which was quicker than expected but after Konoha received help from other villages the rebuilding went much faster. But without everyone constantly around both Mizuiro and Deidara seemed to breathe a sigh of relief and suddenly they weren't avoiding each other anymore like they had been the first few weeks. No instead he followed her nearly everywhere in the house and garden and their quiet conversations made clear that they had a relationship that ran deep.

And it irked Matsuri. Because while it clearly wasn't of romantic or sexual nature yet it still was much more than he had ever had with her in all the six years they had known each other and he wanted it. He was jealous even though he knew he had no claim to her and Deidara had never made any claim on her either. But just the thought that he could, was enough to make him want to hate him or at least make it difficult for him. At the same time though he was very much aware of how much she actually meant to him as the only person on his side for the duration of the past year. So he would never ever actually make a move to try to take that away.

He wouldn't win either way that much had been clear from the time he had taken her virginity and she hadn't even bothered staying afterwards – he knows now that it was mostly because of how embarrassed she had been and how she really didn't know how to behave around him but at the time it had still stung a little. But at least it had shown him that while she liked him, she didn't love him and it made it easier to live with just having her to himself once in a while and being her friend the rest of the time.

Now though he's pretty sure the sexual part of their relationship is coming to an end. And really he should have probably fallen out of love with her a while ago too. It would have saved him so much trouble.


	14. October 98

Their whole life gets turned upside down within a few weeks and everything happens too fast.

First, the Hokage wakes back up, reclaiming her rightful position. And barely a day later there's the news of the temporary Hokage Danzo being declared as dead which comes with a declaration of war by the actual leader of the Akatsuki.

There's not much time to prepare until they start the track to where the war is supposed to take place – on the border of the Lightning and the Frost Country – and then suddenly they are in the middle of it. And while it feels endless during the fight and the long nights, in the end, it's over before the third day is done.

* * *

Coming back to Konoha after the war is weird.

Deidara doesn't feel traumatized or anything. Most of the people he saw die, he never even talked to before, and he's seen a fair amount of shit before to not be too freaked out by everything that happened — though admittedly the ten tails was scary and this weird dream thing didn't pass him by unnoticed. He tried to forget about it the second he had understood what had happened afterwards. He wasn't super successful but at least he pushed it far enough back that it wasn't always at the forefront of his mind. Not even when everyone around kept talking about their dreams and shared experiences.

Though it became apparent fast that it was also a dangerous topic because what you saw as your perfect dream world could differ greatly from those of the people close to you. He'd seen more than one fight break out over it already even if everybody was so exhausted still.

It's annoying, to be honest.

What's even more annoying though is that he didn't have a proper chance yet to talk to Mizuiro. They've been back for about a week and he's not yet seen her again. And it's worrying him. He saw how apathetic she looked on the way back but got distracted by somebody else before he could go up to her.

And he's allowed to walk around the village on his own — once the fifth Hokage had recovered enough to take on her position again, she had officially deemed him trustworthy enough to do as he pleases. He wasn't actually allowed to leave the village but he at least could help and wander around as he saw fit. And now it leaves him with the chance to escape to the more quiet spots when he needs a break from everybody else reconnecting with friends and families or mourning lost ones.

He even backed out of joining the big memorial service for those who had fallen during the war, preferring to just sit in the newly rebuild park and watch the clouds pass by. He probably should have gone, to pay his respect. But he doesn't know any of them, he doesn't properly belong and he felt like he would be intruding, so he didn't.

That he feels not really at home doesn't change the fact that he's worried about Mizuiro though. He's wondering if he should go by her house. It was in the circle of houses that escaped destruction by Pain and except for Mayu being born nothing much should have changed. But even though he stayed with them for a while until he could return to the rebuilt building he had lived in previously, he's not sure if he's still welcome there. So he's only come close, wandering through the nearby streets and then deciding against it again and again.

Until he runs into her father one time.

They both freeze up and just stare at each other at first. Deidara knows that he still doesn't like him. He knows it very well and so it surprises him a lot when he says, "How about you join us for dinner."

It's not even a question and he doesn't think saying no would be appreciated, so he just nods and follows him.

"How have you been doing?"

And that surprises him even more because whether or not it's concern or just polite conversation, it's weird to hear that from him. "I've been good. Slept a lot to recuperate." That his sleep paralysis crept up on him again isn't worth mentioning and it's not that bad with how exhausted he's still is.

"That's good."

They go quiet for the rest of the walk to his house. Once they reach it, Kemuri lets him in first and he feels immediately overwhelmed by the homeyness of the place. Every other house and place still looks so nacked, not really lived in yet. And this feels like too much. The added singing from the living room doesn't help either — he assumes it's Kurumi singing to Mayu. And god the trouble of raising a child during this time must be immense. He can't imagine it being easy and just thinking of how she had to send off her daughter and husband to war while staying home with a one-month-old kid sends a cold shiver down his back.

"Why don't you go up to Mizuiro's room. I'm sure she'd like to see you," Kemuri says and then disappears into the kitchen, leaving him standing there. He feels a little overwhelmed here because he was so sure he didn't like him. But he'll take it. He takes off his shoes and then walks up the stairs. The door to her room is closed and when he knocks on it, he doesn't get a response.

He still pushes it open and steps inside. For a second he thinks the room is empty but then he spots her sitting on the floor at the foot of her bed. She doesn't look present and he carefully closes the door behind himself, to not startle her. He walks up to her and just sits down next to her, pulling his legs up and resting his head back against the bed. He doesn't know how long he sits next to her without either of them saying anything.

But then she suddenly sighs and it sounds so tired. It's an uncomfortable reminder to the first few months he was locked up in that apartment and was contemplating every single one of his past decisions. He felt horrible back then and he really doesn't want her to feel like that.

"I wish I hadn't gone," she whispers.

"I know," he answers and it's all they say. She drops his head against his shoulder and they stay there like that until the door opens again and her mother tells them dinner is ready.

They follow her downstairs. And dinner is just as awkward as he expected. Nobody says anything, only Mayu gurgling to herself in her little baby carry on, and when he isn't staring at his food and eating it, he keeps glancing over at Mizuiro, who's mostly just pushing her food around on her plate. She looks even more tired in proper lighting and he feels the desperate need to push her into talking because that's obviously something she hasn't done yet. And if there's anything he learned from her, is that keeping quiet about your problems won't make them better. Not that talking always will but most of the time it does help at least a little bit.

He waits until he's finished his plate, then places his fork down and pushes his chair back. It makes a loud noise and everybody looks over at him. He stands up and makes eye contact with Mizuiro. "Get up. We're going to go outside and talk."

"I'm not done eating," she responds, a confused frown on her face.

"Eating what? The air? Because I haven't seen you eat a single forkful in the last ten minutes and I don't call that eating."

She presses her lips together and looks back down at her plate.

"That's what I thought. So either you're going to come with me or I will talk some sense into you right here and now. Take your pick." He kind of expects her parents to jump in and say something but they're just watching quietly, her father even going as far as to continue eating normally. It's like he invited him over just for this. Maybe he actually did. Maybe he didn't want to be the one fighting with her again and thought he could do the job just as well.

She rubs her hands over her face and her voice is muffled by them when she responds. "You're being pretty rude right now."

"Am I?"

"Yes, you are." She looks back at him, anger clouding her eyes and it's a welcome change to the lethargic look from before. "I don't know who invited you in but you should have learned by now to not be this disrespectful when you're the guest."

He smirks. She's practically delivering him his chances to counter on a golden plate right now. "And you should have learned to actually practice what you preach. Because all I see right now, is you going back on your words of how talking helps, even if just a little, and instead are just keeping all of your feelings inside."

She slams her hands on the table and jumps up. Her chair clatters to the floor and even Mayu goes quiet now just watching with her huge eyes. "Well I don't want to talk about it!" she yells.

"Then give me a good reason why and I'll leave you alone!"

"Because I want to forget what I saw and talking won't do that! I just want to forget it but that's the only thing this stupid Kekkei Genkai can't do! Nothing you see with it ever disappears from the user's brain, so all the names and faces of the dead people I saw won't either." She's breathing heavily from yelling at him and then she just sags back onto her chair and breaks down in tears. For a moment the room is dead silent outside of her sobs and then her mother jumps up and hurries to her side. He watches her pull Mizuiro into her arms and shush her, while she whimpers, "I just want to forget them." over and over again.

Deidara takes a deep breath and then leaves the dining room, to go through the living room onto the patio. She probably needed someone to push her to her breaking point but it doesn't feel particularly good to be the one who did it. He sinks down on the edge of the veranda and rubs his face before he stares out into the dark garden. The huge cherry tree is nearly completely barren and the few leaves left on it are swaying dangerously with the wind.

It doesn't take long for Kemuri to join him, with Mayu, now wrapped in a blanket against the cold air, in his arms. He sits down next to him.

"Did you invite me over for this?" Deidara asks after a while.

"She wouldn't talk to us and her friends are still busy with their own families. I thought you might be a good alternative..." He trails off.

"Because she's still the only person that really cares about me being around and that matters to me in this village," Deidara ends the sentence for him and Kemuri shrugs his shoulders in a 'what can you do' motion. "Well, I can tell you making her cry sucks, so thanks for picking me for the job."

"She won't care."

"But I do and even if not a lot of people seem to notice, I do in fact have feelings too."

"I'll be honest." He bounces Mayu a little when she starts whining. "I still don't like you all that much. But I appreciate that you put your own feelings aside to help my daughter. I know she means a lot to you and on some days I'm still grateful that she has friends like that at all, considering she used to have so much trouble connecting with other people."

Deidara wants to laugh at that because she is such a people person that he can't imagine her ever being something else. But he swallows it down. "I'd kill for her in a heartbeat."

Kemuri hums. "Let's hope you won't have to anytime soon so that you stay around for a while."

They go quiet and it's not even awkward anymore like they just came to the agreement that she's important to both of them, so they shouldn't fight because of her. He wouldn't mind if that was the case.

And then Kemuri reaches out to him a second time when he asks "Do you want to stay here tonight? Being alone with your thoughts all the time must get tiring."

"It's probably not a good idea right now."

"Not even when I ask?"

He turns around at Mizuiro's voice. She sounds timid and is clutching the handle of the sliding door tightly. He can't make it out to well with the only light source coming from behind her but her eyes look swollen and red but at least she's not crying anymore.

"I-" He breaks off and bites his lip. He should say no. He really should. But when she looks at him like that and with what he just did, he can't bring himself to upset her even more. "Okay."

She smiles at him and then goes back inside. He doesn't follow her, just stays sitting next to Kemuri and turns his gaze back to the garden. He's getting the feeling again that he just doesn't understand her and it's so irritating. He really just wants her to be angry at him instead of compassionate. It's annoying.

"I'm going back inside. Please lock the door when you come inside too."

He nods and Kemuri leaves him alone. He stays outside until he can't feel his sock covered feet anymore. Only then does he go inside, turning the lock fully behind him and then wanders quietly up the stairs since nobody seems to be downstairs anymore. He can hear voices and Mayu squealing from the room next to Mizuiro's and assumes her parents are getting her ready for bed. He knocks on Mizuiro's door and again doesn't get an answer. This time she isn't actually in her room though but now there's a futon lying on the ground next to her bed.

Another unexpected thing though this he doesn't mind. He still likes having her around when falling asleep and with his sleep paralysis still catching him off guard some nights it's even more of a comfort. He wanders through her room while waiting for her to return, picking up and mustering a few things. He's spent a lot of his time in her room after Pain's attack on the village, going through her books and snooping around a little to pass time and try to forget about the other people in the house and their mistrust. But he's never been here when he wasn't on edge and irritated, so he's still curious. He knows she has books that he didn't even understand the titles off. And he's not dumb but she's smart on a different level and in a different way. It's more like she's polymath smart and just curious about everything while he himself is more street smart. He doesn't like learning what others force him to learn and prefers picking up information that he needs along the way, unnecessary information is just a burden.

He picks up a book and thumbs through it. She even jots down notes and markings in them. He'd never think about doing that.

"Going through other people's stuff is rude," she says suddenly from the door.

He shrugs his shoulders and places the book back on the bookshelf before turning to her, smiling hesitantly. "I was bored waiting for you."

"I left a new toothbrush and clothes for you in the bathroom. So if you want to get ready for bed too, you can."

He nods. It's still early but he doesn't mind, so he just goes to wash up and change. When he comes back she has switched out the clothes she was wearing for pajamas and is already huddled on her bed. He settles down on the futon and watches her pick at a few loose threads of her sweater.

"I'm sorry for earlier," he forces himself to say. Because he is sorry but he also doesn't want to make her upset again by bringing it up.

She glances up at him, tilting her head. "You should be."

She doesn't sound angry even if her words are a clear accusation and he ducks his head, shrugging his shoulder. "Apparently though your father thought that me taking the bullet would be for the best."

She doesn't respond and he looks back up at her.

"He's worried, you know. I don't think anyone came back from this unscathed. We all made our experiences but there are people who can get up the next day and be mostly fine, like him, and then there are people like you, who can't."

"People like me." She repeats the words slowly, carefully and with so much weight behind them.

"People who take this to heart. People who, generally speaking, are not made to work in the field or just don't have the same experiences other do. Those who get hurt first because they're naive and take on more than they should or even can. People who put others over themselves."

"What kind of person are you then?" She makes eye contact with him.

"I've been through things that had more impact on me than a three-day war, that ended with a win for us."

"So the first type then."

"But I also have trouble sleeping properly again which means I can't say I'm dealing with this healthily. So..." He trails off and shrugs his shoulders again. "Maybe you rubbed off on me more than I thought. Spending less time with you would probably solve this."

"But I'd miss your charming personality."

"Would you now?"

She smiles but it looks sad. "You know I haven't been sleeping well either. I've had nightmares basically non stop since we came back. So I hope your trick works the other way around too and you being here helps me fall asleep easier too."

"What about your parents? They are around too aren't they?" For him, it was about not being alone while falling asleep, about not feeling so vulnerable. But this shouldn't be the case for her.

"They have Mayu to take care of and don't have a lot of time to spend on me at the moment. But I'm not complaining. I'm old enough to take care of myself and I know how exhausting it must be to raise a baby right now. And I just don't want to burden them with all my problems too."

He can't believe what he's hearing right now and the laugh that bubbles out of him feels too loud. "How can you be so smart but yet so stupid at the same time?"

She looks offended and confused and it only makes him laugh harder. He presses his hand to his mouth to stifle it a little. "What do you think they'd say when you'd tell them about your problems? 'Sorry dear, we can't invest a single minute into you because we need to watch Mayu with four eyes at all times'? That's ridiculous."

"If I had known you'd make fun of me I wouldn't have said anything." She's pouting now and he shakes his head. He moves around until he's kneeling in front of her and reaches out, placing his hands on her cheeks. He squishes them together when she tries pulling back and gets close to her face.

"Do you think your father would let me stay here, in your room, even though he hates me if he didn't want to help you feel better?"

"No?" Her voice comes out smushed.

"Do you think your mother would've let you cry on her shoulder if she didn't want to help you feel better too?"

She shakes her head.

"They love you a lot okay? And I don't know them that well but I'm sure they'd drop everything they are doing if you would just open up your mouth and tell them about everything that's bothering you and not just parts of it. It's what parents do."

She's started crying again and he can feel the wetness of her tears on his hands. It wasn't what he wanted to achieve — again making her cry is not a pleasant thing — but he's sure he at least got his point across properly and on top of that he didn't even pick a fight this time. He lets go of her cheeks and wipes her tears away.

"Words are hard though," she mumbles and it breaks his fucking heart. He doesn't even bother with keeping up any kind of pretense, just wraps his arms around her shoulders and pulls her off the bed and into his arms. She latches onto him immediately and he pulls her even closer until she's literally in his lap.

She doesn't make a move to leave the futon for the rest of the night. And even if she would have, he wouldn't have let her go because he needed this hug and the closeness as much as she did. He doesn't hold her the whole night though, knowing it would cross lines he doesn't want to cross. But just lying next to her, feeling the warmth of her body next to him is enough. He doesn't experience sleep paralysis that night — though it hasn't become that much of a regular occurrence so maybe it wouldn't have happened either way. Still, he doesn't sleep through the night. He keeps waking up, worried about whether or not she's sleeping well too. But she's asleep like a baby every time he wakes up and it makes him want to reach out and hold her close each time. And when it gets too hard to resist, he lets himself reach out and grab her hand.

He lets himself have that at least.

* * *

She wakes up feeling too warm and heavy and with no motivation to move. So she stays lying on her stomach, face smushed into the pillow. She's acutely aware of Deidara's presence next to her, not only because he's holding her hand still but also because she can feel his breath against her shoulder — her sweater must have slipped off of it again.

She wants to feel embarrassed for how she acted yesterday but what's the point. He'd notice anyway and make her forget about it. He's much more caring than he gives himself credit for.

"It's what parents do," he had said yesterday. She wonders if he thinks about his own parents that way too or if it were just empty words of comfort. She's read enough about humans to know that unconditional love between parents and their children is a thing that should exist. But she's also heard of cases and all the exceptions that showed it only reached so far before snapping. It's a discrepancy in itself to even call it unconditional.

"You're thinking too hard, it's annoying."

His voice is scratchy and rough with sleep and she turns her head to look at him. His hair is a mess and it makes her giggle. She's never seen him looking like this, not even when he was exhausted and it makes her feel weirdly happy.

He makes a face and then burrows it back into the pillow. "God, you're a morning person."

"No, not really," she says, smiles and squeezes his hand. It must startle him like he forgot he was holding it, because a second later he's sitting upright and has let go of it.

"I- uhm bathroom," he mumbles while pushing to his feet and then he leaves the room. She watches him go and rolls over onto her back, lifting her hand up to her face to look at it. It feels weird to her to get so much comfort out of so little touch. And she's not even a person pulling a lot of comfort from touch in the first place.

Now that he left, lying around on the futon doesn't feel as comfortable anymore, so she forces herself to sit up while yawning and stretching her arms above her head. Yesterday took a lot out of her emotionally and she still feels the bone-deep exhaustion from those three days in the Land of Lightning. She's not sure how fast either of those things will fade and to be honest she's already gotten kind of used to not feeling like herself since she came back. She doesn't like it. But like she told Deidara yesterday and as mentioned afterwards to her mother, talking properly about it won't help much. She really just wants to forget it all, from the clouded over eyes of the dead bodies to the heaviness in her own body.

It just isn't that easy. There are jutsus that can help you forget things — she already studied those to exhaustion. But they aren't made for the amount she wants to forget and it wouldn't be efficient to use them on her. She gets up, already pulling her arms out of the sleeves of her sweater to then put on her bra underneath it. Then she puts the sweater back on properly and some fresh underwear, socks, and sweats. She's not leaving the house today. She doesn't even have to think about it because she knows her mother will want to talk to her later and that it'll be long and exhausting.

She makes her way downstairs and into the kitchen. Her father looks up from what he's reading.

"Oh so you are awake," he says and she raises an eyebrow in question. "I was just wondering because Deidara came downstairs by himself and left. He told me to tell you goodbye. I thought he might not have wanted to wake you up."

"What?" She straightens up and nearly drops the spoon she got from a drawer. "He left?"

Her father nods and she feels a little bit of anger well up in her but mostly she's just confused. Sure he'd been acting a little weird this morning but what was going on in his head that made him just leave without telling her? She turns back to the counter and continues preparing her breakfast. When she takes a seat at the table with it her father is still watching her.

"How are you doing today?" he asks after a while.

"I think I'm okay. Maybe?" She shrugs her shoulders. "At least better than yesterday."

"That's good. When you're done talking to your mother, how about you join me in the workshop for a while. I could use a little help if you have the mind for it."

"I'll think about it." She's not sure if she can focus enough on the meticulous work. Normally it helps get her out of her head but she's worried it won't be enough this time. That's a problem for later though. For now, all she has to focus on is her food and then getting through the talk with her mother without breaking down again.

* * *

It knocks on the door to his apartment and when Deidara opens it, he finds Mizuiro on the other side. She's bouncing a little on her feet and holding a square cardboard box.

"Hi," she says and smiles. She looks better, more rested and fresher.

"Hey," he replies. He feels off center in her sudden company after he left so abruptly last week. He doesn't even know why, he had just suddenly felt embarrassed and confused for no apparent reason, his heart hammering away in his chest while he got dressed in the bathroom. It was odd and for a moment he had actually thought he might throw up. He didn't like it.

"Are you not going to let me in?" She looks expectant, eyebrows raised.

He wordlessly steps aside and then closes the door once she's passed him, on a direct path to the tiny living room. He follows her and watches her place the box on the table and then steps back. "This is for you," she says and smiles again. It's such a stark contrast to the last time he saw her but maybe she really does feel better already, as unlikely as it sounds.

"What for?"

She twists her hands together and looks away. "It's a belated birthday present. I keep my promises."

It takes him a moment to figure it out. "The lantern."

"Yes. I found it sitting on a shelf in the workshop while helping my father. I thought I'd finally finish it up."

He kneels down at the table and opens the cardboard box. He pulls the lantern out carefully and breathes in sharply. It's pretty. Much prettier than he expected it to be, to be honest. He's never seen fireworks captured with paint and it's damn near beautiful. "I can't say I'm mad about you forgetting about it," he says.

"Good. Because I don't feel bad about it. I'm actually kind of glad I didn't finish it before Pain attacked Konoha. Otherwise, it probably would have gotten destroyed."

He nods and twists it around to look at it from all sides. He can't imagine how much better it will look once it's lit up in the dark. But he'll have to wait for that, it's still too early in the day. He looks back at her. "Thank you. I like it a lot."

"Good," she responds and her smile gets just a little bit bigger. He smiles back.

"Do you have plans to get to?"

"No."

"Then stay for a while, okay?"

"Okay."

She sounds genuinely happy about him asking and here his heart goes again, hammering away in his chest.


	15. December 98 to February 99

In retrospective it took Deidara way too long to figure it out. In his opinion at least. It's nearly Christmas and he just realized what's been plaguing him since even before the war and he really can't believe it took him this long.

He likes Mizuiro. And he means not just on a friendly basis but rather a more sexual one. It feels weird to think about her that way. Because the urge to hold and touch her is becoming bigger with every day and he doesn't want to say he has bad self-control but he's been catching himself staring at her so much lately that even she must have realized something is up.

Or maybe he's just sexually frustrated and it's a dumb infatuation that'll go away, how would he know. Not that he isn't taking care of himself but he's a tiny bit scared it'll lead him down the rabbit hole if he even just once — no matter if accidentally or not — thought about her during masturbation. So he tries to avoid getting off at all.

He doesn't even know how it really started. Hell, the only thing that actually clued him in was seeing her with Matsuri hanging off of her. God it sucked seeing him touching her like that and it wasn't even lewd in any way, just an arm thrown around her waist and every now and then a touch to her hair or shoulders.

It drove him a little mad on the inside but since she made no move to stop him — hell she even encouraged it — he certainly couldn't say anything. On top of that, he already was enough of an outsider that evening without causing trouble and he did appreciate being invited to hang out with her friends. He would've even called it fun if it wasn't for that boy, even if he found him enjoyable company on previous occasions.

Still, that evening left behind a sour taste in his mouth and the faint feeling of not liking Matsuri all that much after all and Mizuiro maybe a little too much.

Though he already swore to himself to not cross that line. She is his Friend. With a capital F. His one person in the village that cares about him. At least it still feels that way. And it's not like he hasn't tried making contact outside of her and her group of friends. It's just that the rumors, that weren't really rumors, concerning him and Akatsuki had spread like literal wildfire after Pain's attack. By the time he had been able to go out and help with rebuilding the village, it felt like everybody knew. Some people didn't care, like the frail old lady from the grocery store he often visited with Mizuiro. But most of them did care a lot and it made life difficult for him. It's ebbed off a little over time and even more so after the war was won.

But still, he can't risk doing anything that could jeopardize his friendship with Mizuiro. No matter what his body wants.

* * *

The first real festival Konoha has after the war is a simple street fair to celebrate the new year. But the villagers are noticeably excited and put a lot of work into it. There are appropriate decorations everywhere — including lanterns provided by the Kandeya clan of course — music and somebody even managed to organize fireworks. The spirits are high and everyone's been working so hard after Pain's attack and the war to rebuild the village that the festive mood is a welcome change.

It also means the rules are more relaxed and nobody really cares that the younger generation got their hands on some alcohol. They're responsible enough to handle themselves. Of course, they get some odd looks from the older folks when they start a game of tag at some point in a way too crowded area for it. But since it ends without anybody getting hurt they are left alone. After that, the groups split up for a while until they somehow find themselves back together in Tapu after the fireworks.

There are a few somber moments while reminiscing about some of the people that died during the war but all in all the mood is great and they have fun. Though their little get together ends suddenly around two a.m. when Gimonfu shows up and throws them out. There are some people who complain of course — Naruto probably the loudest, though Kiba is not far behind.

Mizuiro doesn't stop pouting while talking to Nanami and Keiko for a bit before they part ways. "It's so unfair that you two live so close by."

"The offer to stay at my place still stands," Keiko says, tugging at her scarf.

"Nah I'll be happy when I wake up tomorrow and know that I can stay right where I am and am not expected to move any time soon." She looks over her shoulder to where Deidara is talking to Shikamaru. "Also Deidara offered to accompany me, so at least I won't have to walk alone."

"That's quite out of his way."

She shrugs her shoulders. "He offered and I'm not gonna say no to the company. Though I think he just wants to make sure I don't trip over my own feet. He obviously has not seen me when I am more than just a little drunk."

"Alright then. We'll see each other in two days for our training session."

They hug each other goodbye and Mizuiro waves to them once more while they walk away. She shoves her hands into the pockets of her sweater and bobs back and forth on her feet, while she waits for Deidara to finish up his conversation too. It doesn't take long before he's walking up to her.

"Ready to go?"

She nods and together they start walking down the street. They stay quiet for most of the way but it's nice to have the company. Walking alone in the dark has always set her on edge, more so after the war, though she guesses it comes naturally with being a ninja. At some point, though her drunk brain doesn't want to stay quiet anymore and she starts to complain again about how unfair it is that she lives so far from everything and everyone.

"I have literally the longest trip to work you can have while staying within the walls of the village. I swear the first apartment I get for myself will be directly on the main street and as close to the academy as I can get." She kicks a rock and it skips along the street.

Deidara laughs. "Sure. If you can afford that by yourself."

"Don't laugh at me, I'm being serious! I already started saving up you know." She pouts.

"Alright." He's still laughing though and Mizuiro tries to keep her face in a frown but she's too drunk to be mad and instead starts laughing too.

When she's calmed down again, she lets herself fall into step next to him and grabs his arm to lift it up and place it around her shoulders. He chuckles and pulls her a little closer but doesn't say anything. She sighs happily. She's been touchy-feely all day and she's not sure if it's just the general mood the whole festivities put her in or if it's actually the alcohol's fault. She tried to evenly space out the amount of physical affection she gave her friends today but she's pretty sure Deidara got most of it anyway. Some way she'd always ended up tucked into his side and he'd let her stay there for however long she wanted without actually acknowledging the curious looks they got from some people — Ino and surprisingly enough Tenten were the ones who'd seemed the most interested.

Mizuiro even turned down Matsuri's challenge to a drinking contest and she'd never really done that before. Not that there were that many in the past but still it was kinda their thing. She also has the suspicion that it was just supposed to lure her away from his side. Not that she wants to accuse Matsuri of jealousy but considering that barely two weeks ago she was on the verge of going home with him, he might have gotten the wrong idea again.

"You know, I'm really glad that you got out of the war pretty much unscathed. I was kind of worried you'd do something stupid if Sasori would taunt you too much," she says after she has calmed down again. It's been on her mind for a while now.

"Nah. His digs lost effectiveness years ago. It was always the same old things. I just liked playing along because it was the only fun I could have with him as my company."

She looks up to him and examines his face for a second. "But you still liked him in some ways, didn't you?"

"Maybe a little," She's not sure if she's imagining the faint blush on his cheeks but in the dark, it's hard to tell. "It was nice to at least be stuck with a fellow artist. It could have been way worse."

"Well, it's nice to know that you at least had a sort of friend even if he tried killing you a few times."

He chuckles. "You know this is a really serious conversation for how drunk you are."

She gasps in protest. "I told you already, I am not that drunk!" That she nearly trips over her own feet in that exact moment, doesn't help to reinforce her statement.

"You sure?"

"I didn't say I wasn't drunk! Just...you know not that drunk."

"Ah, it's cute that you're trying to defend yourself. You know I saw how much you drank, right?"

"But you've also never seen me really drunk, so."

"Fair point. Still, as a sober person, I'd like to reserve myself the room to judge you drunk people."

She stops short and he follows suit but his arm slips from her shoulders.

"You didn't drink?" She was kind of expecting him to be at least a little drunk. It made sense in her head. Because while there were hugs and unnecessary body contact in the past months, he rarely let it go on for too long if there wasn't a good reason for it — like her crying her eyes out again. And tonight there really wasn't a reason why she was acting this way.

He shrugs. "I've never really had the chance to try it before and I didn't feel like embarrassing myself in front of the others because I can't hold my liquor."

"You've never… geez did they not let you have any fun by Akatsuki? I mean you don't need alcohol to have fun but damn that's harsh. But you know what? We can change that. We'll find a day where both of us have the next day off and then I'm going to show you the world of alcohol." She pauses for a second, her brain already working in overtime to think about the best way to plan this. "Well, at least the part of it I can get my hands on. Maybe I can ask Matsuri for a little-"

"You know what," he stops her mid-sentence and she stares at him in confusion when he takes a step closer. "That's a brilliant idea." He places one hand on her cheek and the other on her back and then his lips are on hers.

Her brain is slow to catch up but when it does, she closes her eyes and instinctively starts kissing him back. She brings her own hands up to rest on his shoulders. It's a pretty tame kiss as far as kissing goes but it's still better than drunkenly making out with Matsuri ever was.

She feels Deidara's hand slip underneath her sweater, pulling her in even closer. It's a little cold on her bare skin and she shudders. He tilts his head and deepens the kiss, teasingly licking over her lips. Except she can feel the mouth in his hand open against her back too. The tongue comes out and licks over her skin and it makes her moan into the kiss. It startles her enough to break away and take a step back, which makes Deidara hands slip from her body. She immediately misses the warmth of his touch but her breathing is too heavy and her face is on fire. She glances up at him but he doesn't look any more composed.

"I don't," she stops and rethinks her words. She doesn't want to say the wrong thing. Honestly, she doesn't even know what she wants to say. "I'm too drunk," is what she settles on.

He nods, seemingly getting what she wants to say without her having to continue and takes a step back too. He doesn't look upset but the blush on his face is prominent and the way he scratches the back of his head makes clear he's embarrassed. She's too to be honest, though she's not sure why. It's not like she's the one who just got rejected.

Mizuiro tugs her sweater back into place and for a moment they both stay standing there awkwardly, avoiding each other's eyes. She shivers a little, the cold slowly getting to her.

Deidara must notice because he says "We should keep walking."

She nods and they continue their trek to her house. And they stay quiet for the rest of the walk but her mind is racing with questions she'd like to ask right now. They had situations before where she didn't know what his intentions were and his actions confused her greatly. But this probably takes the cake. She didn't know at all that he was interested in her like that.

"Alright," Deidara says and she startles out of her thoughts. She looks around and notices that they've reached her house. "Drink some water before you go to bed."

She nods and normally she'd roll her eyes — she's drunk, not dumb — but it feels unfitting to be this blunt right now. "Thanks for walking with me."

He smiles at her. It looks a little sad and it makes her feel sad too. She doesn't like what this situation could mean for them. But then he comes closer again and before she knows it he's pressed a kiss to her forehead. "It was my pleasure." With one last wave, he's gone.

She watches him skip away over the roofs and has no idea what to make of his behavior anymore. With a sigh, she turns and enters her home. There she grabs a bottle of water from the kitchen and takes it up to her room with her. She takes a few sips, throws the bottle onto her bed and halfheartedly undresses. A quick trip to the bathroom later and she climbs under her blanket. For a while she just lies there, staring at the ceiling before she groans and burrows her head in her pillow. Now that she's alone with her thoughts in the dark they are running rampant again. Making her remember the feeling of the warmth of his hand on her skin, his lips against hers, his smell. A shiver runs down her spine and she wraps her arms around her midsection.

If she was sober right now she'd probably follow the signs of her body being turned on and do something about it. But for one masturbating while drunk has never been enjoyable for her — it takes too long, keeping quiet is harder and in the end, it's just not worth it — and on the other hand, she doesn't want to think about him like that. She was so good about it in the past and she doesn't want to go there now, just because he showed a glimmer of interest in her. Because it's going to spark a trip down a road she forbid herself from going down.

She presses her eyes closed and hopes her brain will still shut up so and let her sleep in peace.

* * *

It's been a few days now and Deidara still can't believe he kissed her.

He kissed her. He fucking kissed her and she told him off for it. God, he was stupid but she kept touching him, kept being close to him and accepting his touch in return. And no matter how drunk she was, she was definitely flirting with him and then when she suddenly mentioned Matsuri on their walk to her house he just snapped. And maybe he took it a little farther than just a kiss. There was some tongue — and not the expected one at that — and maybe that was what too much for her. But he really doesn't know what she's thinking because she doesn't say anything to him the next time they see each other. Or the time after that.

She assured him she wasn't that drunk but maybe she still forgot about it. It's his guess at least. Or she's just trying to lighten the pain of rejection by pretending like nothing ever happened, which isn't working for him. But if that's the case she at least likes him enough to keep hanging out with him.

He's sure he can get by on that even if now that he's got that tiny taste of her, he really wants more.

* * *

It's been more than a few weeks and Mizuiro still can't stop thinking about that stupid kiss. It made way too many of her nights restless and falling asleep easily has momentarily become a thing of the past.

And if the kiss in itself wasn't enough there are his stupid hands. She never once wasted a thought on what he could do with them outside of fighting but god damn now she can't stop thinking about it. And that just because he touched her bare skin in a slightly sexual situation. Even worse though is that she can't help but focus on his hands whenever she's around him and it's distracting and annoying.

But there is an even bigger issue because why won't he bring it up again? She's not sure if he's just pretending nothing happened and hoping she was too drunk to remember or if he's waiting for her to make a move. But it's not like she's figured out what she should do about this. Yes, the smart choice would probably be to pretend like nothing ever happened and to write it off as a heat of the moment thing. She's just not sure if the smart choice is the best choice for once.

Either way, the ball is in her court now and she needs to make up her mind before she loses even more sleep over this. Sure, if she gets the opportunity to bring it up naturally in a conversation she'll mention it. At least to find out his side of the story. Until then though she'll simply try to figure out her own feelings but other than that she won't force this matter.

Except she didn't take her stupid hormones into account. And of course his hands.

Their get together starts out innocently enough. They still tend to meet up at his place most of the time since he's never been all too comfortable around her father. Sometimes though, when the weather is good, they'll go out to train together. But with how hard it's been raining the past week it's not really an option.

The only problem with staying in is that it can get boring after a while. Not boring in a sense of 'we see each other too often' but rather in the way of 'we have nothing to do'. Though to be fair it's rare that they can't even occupy themselves separately. She always has something or other for the academy to work on and he's never had a problem with working on his clay if nothing else was interesting. Still, sometimes even those things fail to keep them busy and when that's the case she's even started to occasionally help him clean. Which isn't a thing she normally enjoys but it's better than just sitting around and complaining about being bored.

Today's one of the days though where she can't be bothered to help. The rain has made her lazy and that it's already dark outside isn't helping either. So she just leans against the counter and watches him wash the dishes. She glances over to the window again and sighs. "I'm going to get drenched when I walk home."

"I thought you liked rain," he says, still focused on scrubbing the saucepan in his hands.

"In moderation, yes. In the summer after a heatwave, yes. When I don't have to go outside, yes absolutely. But like this it just gets annoying."

He chuckles. "So picky."

She sighs again and forces herself to start drying off the clean dishes and returning them to their designated spots. They quietly work together until Mizuiro gets her hand on a bowl she's never seen before — it happens from time to time now that he can go out and buy his own things. She turns to him and asks, "Where does this go?"

She could look herself obviously. His kitchen isn't that big, so there can't be too many options but she's lazy and she doesn't want to put it where it doesn't belong and be at fault if he can't find it anymore. She expects him to simply tell her where she should put it. What she doesn't expect is for him to dry his hands off, take a few steps closer and take it from her. Before she can ask what he's doing — and why would she ask, really, it's obvious he wants to show its place to her — he's opening the door of the cupboard next to her head and leaning forward to place the bowl in it. Since he's standing behind her though, he apparently has to get up on his tiptoes a little and for some reason, he places his free hand on her back to balance himself.

Her body reacts immediately. She blushes, the feeling of his lips on hers coming back to her and how his hand felt on her lower back. How the mouth and the tongue felt against her skin. And the worst part is she can feel herself getting turned on by just this little touch.

He's saying something to her but she can't focus enough to make out the words. Still, she turns to look at him and he's so close. He must have taken another step towards her. His eyebrows are drawn in confusion and she can feel his hand tense against her back when she reaches out to place her own on his cheeks.

"What-"

Mizuiro doesn't let him finish his sentence. She simply kisses him and it takes a second but then Deidara's responding, pulling her closer by her back. And god kissing him is even better than she remembers it being. She tilts her head to deepen the kiss, pushing in closer, while letting her hands drop onto his shoulders. She opens her mouth a little, lets her tongue tease at his.

Deidara gasp against her lips, his hand, still on her back, finding its way underneath her shirt and the other one coming up to grasp her neck. Mizuiro hears herself make a noise in her throat, that's close to a moan, and when he sucks lightly at her tongue, she pulls back and lets her head drop into the crook of his neck.

She's already breathing heavily and her heart's hammering in her chest. She gives herself a second to calm down and then she pulls back a little. He's already looking at her when she raises her head and once they make eye contact she's done for. Even if it probably would have been smarter to stop right there, she doesn't care anymore and he doesn't seem to either with the way he's moving them both around a little and then crowds her against the counter.

They lean in to kiss each other again at the same time and for a while, that's all they do. But then she feels something wet touch her neck and she groans before turning her head to get closer to the sensation. It makes their lips part but he doesn't seem too bothered and just starts peppering kisses from the corner of her mouth to her jaw.

"Oh god, your hands."

She can feel Deidara smirk against her skin and then there are teeth nibbling on one side of her neck, while the other side is being sucked on and Jesus Christ she's going to combust with how good this feels. Her fingers dig into his back and he makes a noise. Mizuiro lets her head fall back, to give him more room and it hits the cabinet with a quiet thunk. She should worry about him leaving hickeys but damn she really doesn't care right now. She just wants him to keep doing what he's doing because it's sort of magical.

But even that she doesn't want him to stop isn't an excuse for how desperately she whines when he does pull away. She can feel her face heat up and when she blinks her eyes open, she expects him to be smirking at her. And he is. But it looks different and combined with the way he's looking at her it feels too intimate for what they're doing and for how this started. She straightening up and kisses him again so that she doesn't have to continue looking at it.

The tempo has changed in comparison to before though. It's a lot less rushed and there's no tongue, just the soft slide of lips against lips and she feels a tug in her stomach when his thumb starts brushing back and forth where his hand is still lying on her neck.

They could stop right now. It's actually the perfect moment to break this off and maybe talk about this and them and what it means. Mizuiro doesn't really want that though. Because now that she has an idea of how good kissing him and having his hands on her can feel, she wants to know all of it. Her drunk memories are still present but this is more. This is satisfying the part of her that wants to know instead of guess and fantasize about it.

She carefully tries to convey her feelings through the kiss, making it a little more insistent again and Deidara lets her. Of course, she can only assume but it seems like he wouldn't mind it that much if they kept going. She shifts her weight a little, which brings her closer to him and oh. That is definitely his dick pressing against her and the way he groans against her lips is enough to make her push herself against him a little further.

It's like she just flipped a switch and from that point, the heat is turned back up to one hundred percent. She feels the hand on her back slip over her side to her stomach, leaving a wet trail behind and it should be gross but it really isn't. Not a single bit.

"Okay?" he asks and it takes her moment to realize what he's asking but then she notices that his hand had a specific goal and is now resting on the button of her shorts.

She whines and nods because yes that is a fantastic idea.

"You sure?"

"Yes goddammit."

He laughs and it's probably because of the face she's making. He makes quick work of the button and zipper and then he's pushing his hand inside of her underwear and for a few seconds, she's fucking elated that she wore her loose pants today and he has actually room to move and then her brain just stops working altogether because he's actually touching her.

For a hot second she tenses up, feeling the familiar sense of uncomfortableness overwhelm her but curiously enough it passes just as quickly as it came. She doesn't want to question why that is and instead focuses on enjoying the sensations of his fingers and tongue against her.

And really, Mizuiro has to admit that she was always convinced that she's not that easy to please. It's mostly based on what she learned from past experiences in getting off. But apparently, she's found her perfect match with him because it's like he doesn't even have to try and she can already feel her orgasm building.

She presses her face into the crook of his neck again, clutching his shirt in her hands. She's acutely aware of how many noises she's making and it should be embarrassing but she can't get herself to close her mouth and shut up. But it also seems to make him less hesitant in his efforts, so she's not sure if she even wants to be quiet.

When he actually pushes his fingers inside of her, she's done for. Her first instinct is to bite down where she is panting against the skin on his neck. And she comes admittedly hard, her body tensing up and her bare toes curling into the floor. He lets her ride it out before he carefully pulls her head back and leans in to kiss her again. He distracts her with it while he pulls his hand out of her pants. Though she twitches and moans against his lips when he accidentally brushes up against her.

He pulls back and licks his lips. "Sorry."

"It's fine." Her voice is shaking just as much as her legs are and she's hanging onto him more than standing by herself. "You have...very talented hands."

"I'm well aware but thank you." They both laugh and he pulls her into a hug. She gladly takes the offer and lets herself sag further against him for a bit. She just needs a moment to regain full control of her body. Then she'll repay the favor because she can still feel his hard-on pressed against her hip and she really wants to touch him, too. It's like he stirred a fire in her and apparently just because she came doesn't mean she's satisfied.

She pulls back a little and makes eye contact with him. "We should move this to your bedroom."

"Okay." He smirks and it's the only warning she gets before he picks her up and starts walking in the direction of his bedroom. She squeaks in surprise — both at being picked up and at the tug of arousal in her stomach — and wraps her arms tighter around his neck.

"I could've walked by myself you know," she says with her face on fire when he sets her down next to his bed. The movement makes her shorts slip down a little and she decides to just take them off completely. She wriggles around until they slip down and then kicks them off to the side.

"So we're getting naked now?"

"Well, I only see one of us losing clothes at the moment." She gives him a provocative look.

"We can change that." And just like that he pulls off his sweater, takes a few steps back and starts working on his pants.

Her cheeks turn an even darker red and she starts undoing the buttons on her shirt. She doesn't need to open them to take it off, but right now she's glad she can stall a little. She's not uncomfortable with her own body but she's also not quite as shameless as Deidara seems to be. Her shirt drops to the floor and she takes off the top underneath it to but decides against taking her underwear off already. The idea of standing around naked feels too weird for her.

When she looks up again, her eyes catch on Deidara and well apparently he had no concern about keeping his on since he's completely naked. It seems like that blush won't leave her face anytime soon and she averts her eyes while folding her arms over her stomach.

She hears him come closer and then he tilts her head up by her chin. She closes her eyes slowly when he kisses her again and lets herself relax into it. He pulls away after a moment and brings his hands up and pulls off her forehead protector — she didn't even realize she was still wearing it, too used to the familiar weight. It drops to the floor with a loud noise and he rests his forehead against hers.

"You can look you know."

She nods lightly. "Yeah, I just wasn't really expecting you to be completely naked yet."

He frowns. "That was the plan though right? Getting naked, having sex. Or did I get that wrong?"

"No. No that was the plans." She groans and closes her eyes again. "I'm sorry. I'm being awkward. There are probably sexier things than this."

"Hey now. There's no need to worry this much." He grabs her hand and turns them both around. She watches him sit down on the edge of the bed and follows willingly when he pulls her onto his lap. He takes an unsteady breath when his hard dick gets caught between their bodies. "See. Very much, still turned on."

She ducks her head and laughs a little.

"Honest conversation has never made sex bad for me before. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Good. Now that we talked about this, are you sure you still want to do this?"

As an answer, she nods and then kisses him. He brings his arms up and winds them around her waist, pulling her even closer. She lets her hands slide up his arms and over his shoulders into his hair. Gently she tugs his head back by it and kisses along his jaw until she reaches the point where it meets his neck and sucks at the skin there. He moans quietly, his fingers digging into her skin.

She keeps working on his neck, switching spots and sides every once in a while, and when he pulls her back into a kiss, there are more than a few hickeys. It's all fair though since she's sure she won't walk away without her own.

"You need to stop moving your hips like that."

She blushes but doesn't stop, instead just slowing her movements down a little. She hadn't even realized that she had started moving them in the first place, too caught up in the kiss. But apparently, her body had made the decision to look for friction by itself.

"Or maybe we could move this along?" She bites her lip.

"Or that. Yeah, I'm fine with that, too."

He pulls his hands away and she gets up and pulls her underwear off, while he turns to his nightstand. She climbs onto the bed and kneels behind him letting her fingers run up and down his back and pressing her lips to the nape of his neck. He groans but it isn't a good groan. She watches him rub his face.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't have condoms."

"Oh." She didn't even think about that. To be fair she never had to before. Matsuri was always prepared for everything. "I'm not on birth control either."

"What great ninjas we are."

She chuckles. "We can do other things though, right?"

He turns to look at her. "And what, pray to tell, did you have in mind."

"Oh, you know." She lets her hand slide around his waist and grabs his dick. "Handjobs." She starts stroking him slowly. "Maybe even blowjobs."

He hums and leans back against her.

"And maybe you can use those magical hands on me again."

"Sounds good to me."

"Lie down?" she asks and after she made room for him, he follows her request. She pushes his legs apart and settles between them, licks over her hand and brings it back to his dick. He props himself up on his lower arms and watches her. And she takes her sweet time, keeping the rhythm slow and steady, rubbing her thumb over the head every now and then. But mostly she just watches his reactions to what she's doing closely and once he's let his head fall back, his eyes slipping close with pleasure, she leans down and licks a stripe up his dick.

His reaction is immediate, he moans and his hips twitch up, making his dick bump into her cheek. It leaves a little trail of wetness behind and she wipes it away with her free hand.

"Sorry. I'm sorry. That was unexpected."

She smiles to herself and just slides her arm over his hips, pressing down a little with it. She licks over the head before lightly sucking at it. She can feel his muscles tense under her arm but otherwise, he doesn't move. She starts stroking him again with her free hand while simultaneously working over the top half of his dick with her mouth. This is something she enjoys doing and she's comfortable with it. She hasn't quite figured out why or what exactly she likes so much about it but it gives her a deep level of satisfaction so she won't question it.

At some point she can feel his hand brush over her head and tug at her top knot. She looks up and finds him propped up on one arm again and breathing heavily while watching her. She pulls off with a pop but keeps stroking him.

"What?"

"Come up here for a second, will you."

Mizuiro frowns but crawls up over him. He tugs at her top knot again and this time he actually pulls it free. He lets the hair tie drop on the bed and pulls her into a kiss.

"That's better", he mumbles against her lips and rakes his hand through her hair. She hums in agreement.

She pulls back and tucks a few strands of hair behind her ear. "Can I go back down now?"

"Wait." He presses another kiss to her lips. "Now you can."

She goes back to her position from before and starts jerking him off again. She teases him a bit before she goes back to actually sucking his dick. His hand runs through her hair again and then he gently starts to guide her head a little. She lets him for now but glances up at him. He has his eyes closed and is biting his lower lip, seemingly lost in enjoying her actions.

She can feel his thighs tremble and the grip of his hand tightens. So she bobs up and down a few more times and then pulls off. He doesn't stop her and she quickens the strokes of her hand, twisting it at the top and starts sucking at the base. It doesn't take long before he shudders, moans and comes on himself. She strokes him through it. The hand on her head drops away and she waits until he's looking at her, a pleased smile on his face, to run her finger through a bit of his come and suck it into her mouth.

"Jesus." He drops back into the pillow. "You've got quite the mouth on you too."

She sits up, smirking and watches him get his breath back under control. While she waits she moves her jaw around a bit. It hurts a little but nothing too bad. So she simply moves to lie on her side next to him and props her head up on her hand. He rolls over onto his side, too and throws his arm over her waist. She presses a short kiss to his lips but when she makes to pull back, he kisses her again and licks into her mouth. They just make out for a while and it's lazy and comfortable.

It's actually making her a little sleepy but she sure as hell is alert again when she feels his hand wander down her side. It's clear that he has a goal in his mind, especially when he actually pushes his hand between her thighs. So she rolls over onto her back and spreads them to give him more room to work. She expects him to just keep going but instead, he sits up and moves his body between her legs.

He lowers his head between her thighs and she makes a high pitched noise when he starts sucking at her clit. The next few minutes he works her over thoroughly while apparently paying good attention to her reactions and repeating his actions according to them. It's no surprise that she comes fairly quickly again. He goes easier on her after that but doesn't stop until she's had another orgasm. She's pretty sure he would have kept going if she didn't tug him away by his hair. But he still stays between her thighs and waits until she's calmed down a little. He presses a kiss against her thigh.

"I'm gonna go and clean up a little," he says and she nods, still too breathless to respond. He climbs off the bed and she watches him walk towards the bathroom. She blushes when she catches herself staring at his butt even if he allowed her to look — though she has to admit it is a nice one. She sighs and rolls over onto her side to be able to look out of the window. Even with how dark it is she can still see the rain pelting against the glass. She has no idea what time it is but she probably should leave soon. There are some small things she needs to prepare for tomorrow's classes still. Nothing she couldn't finish up at school but she likes to be prepared.

For now though she's very comfortable where she is and moving seems like too much of a chore. She lets her eyes slip shut for just a second and only realizes she actually nodded off when Deidara shakes her shoulder lightly. She makes an unhappy noise but forces her eyes open to look at him.

He has a small smile on his face and brushes some hair out of her face. "You can go back to sleep in a second. I just need you to put this on so you don't get cold."

She grumbles a little but lets him pull her upright. She takes the offered shirt and slips it on before curling back up on her side and closing her eyes again. Moments later a blanket settle over her and shortly after that she can feel the movement of both the mattress and the blanket when Deidara settles behind her. He pulls her close and she sighs happily. She could get used to this.

Before long she drifts off to sleep again.

* * *

When Mizuiro wakes up the next time, it's still raining outside and she feels sweaty and too hot. They must have both moved around since they fell asleep because she's turned towards Deidara now and he's lying on his back, an arm thrown above his head.

She can hear him breathing evenly and it makes her want to curl into his side and just continue sleeping too. But she feels too awake to do that so she just looks at his face for a while. Or at least at what she can see of it in the dark. He looks younger with his face relaxed like this and his hair not tied up. It's something she noticed before when she stayed with him until he was asleep but it still surprises him how much older and serious he normally looks.

The last few years of his live must have taken their toll on him after all, even if he always acts like everything's fine. She really hopes that, now that the war is over and he is finally considered an actual citizen of Konoha, he can find his place here and catch a break for once. She's sure he could be happy here but at the same time she thinks he might take the chance to just up and leave once he's cleared to leave the village without it causing trouble — they haven't made their mind up concerning his reintroduction as a ninja.

She hopes he won't leave. At least not for forever. She'd miss him terribly and for a split second, she thinks about joining him if that were to happen. She doesn't think she'd hesitate for long if he'd let her come along and that's not just because of how much she enjoys gathering information about all the different lands and cultures. Mostly it would be because of him.

She blinks and rolls onto her back. For a moment her brain feels empty, the new information settling in slowly and overshadowing everything else on her mind. She knew she liked him a lot and back when he won their bet and in turn the clay, she also realized she was attracted to him in some form. Surprisingly enough she never finished drawing the lines between both those things and her recent behavior towards him.

But now it's clear as day. She doesn't just like him, she's crushing on him.

Maybe she's even in love with him. She isn't sure what that is supposed to feel like or if it even is that different from having a crush and her stomach clenches uncomfortably with the knowledge of what this could do to her. What this will do to her if he ends up leaving. Especially now that they had sex.

She swallows and glances back at him. He's still asleep and she makes the decision to leave without a moment of hesitation. She's careful sneaking out from underneath the blanket — they are both ninjas after all and even if she can be really sneaky, his sleep is so light that it easily cancels it out — and tiptoes around the room to pick up her clothes and get dressed. In the end, she can't find is her forehead protector. But that's fine, she can get that back at a different time. It's not like she needs it to teach. Her hair tie must also still be somewhere between the covers but she has enough of those at home that she won't miss one.

She stops in the doorway once more, overthinking whether or not this really is the right decision but her stomach is still in knots and staying won't help. So she sneaks to the front door, pulls on her shoes and leaves. The second she tugs the door closed behind her, she realizes how awkward the next time they'll see each other will be.

But they'll be fine. She'll figure this out for herself and then they'll be okay again. Hopefully.

* * *

The sun shining through the bedroom window and lighting up the room is what wakes Deidara up the next morning.

It's a welcome change to the constant rain of the past week but it doesn't lift his mood much because the rest of the bed is empty and he can't feel Mizuiro's chakra anywhere else in the apartment. He would like to assume that she left already because of work but he knows her well enough by now to know that she would have either left a note or woken him up if that was the case.

But neither of those happened. So something about last night must have made her decide to sneak out at some point. He just has no idea what. After all, it was her who initiated most of the things that they did last night. And the sex was good even if there were a few hiccups — no condoms, really he should have thought about that earlier — and it was a fantastic feeling to make her lose her composure. She was putty in his hands and if he ever needed a boost for his confidence this certainly was enough.

And he thought she had enjoyed it too. Scratch that, he's sure she enjoyed it too — she came three times and there's no way she faked it, she looked too flustered and flushed afterwards. He knows she doesn't like putting herself into awkward positions but was leaving really the only choice she saw? Or maybe she's really just the hit and run type of person. It would be unexpected but considering she did it to Matsuri before then why shouldn't she do it to him. God, why can't she just use her words and talk to him?

At least it would make figuring out his own feelings so much easier. Because now he's the one left hanging, having no idea if he took a step forward or two steps backwards with her. God she's going to drive him mad one of these days.

"And then I attacked together with Sayuri and it was amazing. We've been working so well together lately," Keiko says and takes a sip of her tea. She's been giving an account of her last mission to them for the past few minutes.

"If you keep working like that, I'm sure you won't have any trouble with the Jonin exams once they take place again," Mizuiro says and rests her chin on her propped up hand.

"Oh god no. I haven't even thought about them. I know it might be a year or two until Kakashi has everything in order but I really don't see me participating happening that soon."

"Same," Nanami sighs. "Medicnin training is getting hard. I don't even have enough time for myself anymore, let alone preparing for any type of exams."

"Well if you change your mind let me know. I want to help you prepare if I can. It's the least I can do for you guys."

"Oh, you want to take time out of your busy schedule for training with us? That's unexpected." It's said in a teasing manner and Mizuiro knows it's not mean spirited but she still blushes in embarrassment.

"I'm not that busy."

"Hmm no, you're not. You're just spending an awful lot of time with Deidara lately." Nanami smirks and Keiko leans back in her chair, eyebrows raised expectantly.

"I haven't seen him in nearly two weeks."

"Yeah but before that, it was like daily. I mean we don't begrudge you. You can hang out with whoever you want and how much you want. We're just, you know, curious what's going on between you guys."

"Nanami's right. I know he's started building friendships with other people by now, so you can't use the 'you're his only friend' excuse anymore. And it's not like you've ever been the type to spend that much time with your friends."

"To make it short, we want the details."

Mizuiro feels the blush rise on her face and for once she's unhappy that they just accepted Deidara so readily into their midst, treating him cordially and without any judgment and getting to know him on their own volition. "There's nothing going on between us."

It sounds weak and unconvincing to her own ears and she takes a sip of her tea to not sigh in defeat.

Keiko grins. "You know maybe we should ask Deidara himself." Nanami and Mizuiro turn to where Keiko is looking and indeed, Deidara is walking up to them, hands shoved into the pockets of his pants. Mizuiro feels her heart drop into her stomach when he stops at their table. This surely won't end well for her.

"Hello, ladies. Mizuiro." He nods in greeting and Nanami and Keiko give her looks before turning back to him.

"Deidara, nice to see you. How have you been?"

"Ah just fine. I'm still trying to figure out how to convince the Hokage of enlisting me as a ninja again. Which also reminds me." He pulls his left hand out of his pocket and with it a forehead protector. And oh she feels all the color drain from her face. "Look what I found."

"Oh thank you," her voice trips over itself in panic and she takes it from him, accidentally making eye contact. There's a smug glint in his eyes.

"Found it underneath my bed. No idea how it got there though."

Except he does and she does too. And he's doing this on purpose, putting her on spot in front of her friends. She's just not sure if it's because he's mad at her or if he assumes she's not talking about her issues and this is a badly hidden attempt to try and push her into doing just that. Either way, she wishes he wouldn't have done it because she still doesn't know what she's feeling.

"Anyway. Gotta go. Still, have some things I need to do today. Enjoy your tea."

And as suddenly as he showed up he's gone again and Mizuiro is faced with two shit-eating grins and no choice but to talk.

"Nothing going on, eh?"

"Sure doesn't sound like it."

"Guys please."

"Tell us why your headband was in his bedroom and we might let you off the hook for now."

Mizuiro sighs. There's no way they'll let it go if she doesn't say anything so she caves. And they are her friends, so they won't judge her for this. "Fine. We had sex."

"Told you so," Keiko sing songs quietly.

"Oh please. I never said they didn't have sex. I mean that was bound to happen with the tension between them." Nanami places a hand on Mizuiro's shoulder and pats it, followed by an apologetic, "Sorry. You two were just really obvious around each other. Even Matsuri asked us if we knew anything."

"I think he's worried that he's finally lost his chance with you for good."

"I should probably talk to him about this, shouldn't I?" Matsuri's feelings aren't really her biggest worries, considering that she doesn't even know what she herself is feeling. But still, she doesn't want to hurt him more than necessary.

"How about you talk to us first because right now you look like you don't know how to handle this. Maybe we can help."

She nods. It's the smartest choice after all and they care about her. So talking this through won't be a problem. She'll just have to leave out the part where she is possibly in love with him. That's none of their concern for now.

* * *

It's been a few days and Mizuiro isn't really mad at Deidara anymore for the stunt he pulled in front of Keiko and Nanami. Not that she was ever that upset with him in the first place. In the end, their advice was actually quite helpful but he doesn't need to know that. It at least gave her enough courage to come back to his apartment and try talking with him.

When she knocks on his apartment door it doesn't take long for him to answer and he looks honestly surprised to see her. His reaction is fair but it still upsets her that he thought she wouldn't man up to come by on her own free will.

"What are you doing here? We didn't have plans."

"No, we didn't." She doesn't wait for him to let her inside and just pushes past him.

"Alright, come in I guess," she hears him mumble but he makes no attempt to send her back out.

She turns around, where she stopped in the middle of the living room, and crosses her arms over her chest, waiting for him to step into the room too. Once he does she asks, "Why did you give me my headband in front of Nanami and Keiko? Couldn't you have waited until you got me alone?"

He stares at her for a moment then says "Why did you leave after we had sex?"

Of course, he'd ask that and she feels so young for wanting to say that she asked a question first, so he has to answer first. But she settles on "That's none of your business."

He sighs. "Give me a good reason why it isn't and I might consider letting you off the hook."

Theoretically, he absolutely deserves an answer. She probably hurt him or at least damaged his pride or something. It's the only explanation she could come up with for him being that obvious in front of her friends. But at the moment she's more worried about him figuring out what's going on in her head and heart than him being angry with her. "Like I said. It's none of your business."

He crosses his arms and rolls his eyes. "You know I thought it would be nice of me to give you space to let you work through your issues because obviously, you have a lot of those. But apparently, that didn't do you good either."

"I don't have issues to work through." It's not really the truth but she just can't be honest right now.

"Really? So that you tend to run away after having sex with someone doesn't strike you as odd? Because I very much remember that you did that to Matsuri too."

She bites her lip and averts her gaze. That's not what she thought this would be about.

"What's the reason for that, huh? Are you embarrassed about somebody knowing that you had sex with him or me?"

"No. I'm not."

"You know I can't quite find it in me to believe you."

"Then don't!" He seems to be pushing all her buttons and she's reaching the end of her patience. "What do you want me to do here? Shout from the rooftops that I'm having sex with you? Because if that's the proof you need to believe my words then fine! Just watch me."

She turns around and starts determinedly walking towards the tiny balcony that connects to the living room.

"What are you-"

She slides open the door and steps out but right when she opens her mouth, a hand covers it and a second one encircles her waist. "Mizuiro, I just want you to talk to me, okay? If you don't want to then tell me and I'll leave it alone. There's no need to get this angry about it."

She is very aware of that but she's also mad at him so instead, she starts tugging at the hand on her face. When he doesn't lower it though, the only option she finds to lick it. They both freeze for a moment and then Mizuiro turns her head as far as she can in this position to look at his face. He looks positively scandalized.

"You did not just do that."

She licks it again.

"Alright. I see how it is."

And that's all the warning she gets before he's lifting her up and carrying her inside. She's too startled to react and by the time she catches on to what he's doing, he's already throwing her onto the bed. She tries getting her bearings back and scrambling into an upright position quickly. But before she has any real chance, he's pushed her flat onto her back and is climbing over her. He settles on her lap but twists his feet over her legs to keep them under control and catches her hands in one of his. His free hand lowers onto her stomach and pushes up her shirt.

"Nononononono! You don't have to do this." She sucks in her stomach in an attempt to get away from his fingers but it's no use.

"Oh but I think I do. After all, it's not me who lowered the bar to this level."

And then he starts tickling her without mercy. She tries desperately to escape in some way but he's stronger than her and has her completely pinned. All she can do is twist around to try to get away from his hand while laughing until she cries and begging for mercy.

"Please! Stop!" She's gasping for air by now and Deidara still doesn't seem like he plans to let her go anytime soon. "I'll do whatever you want, just please stop!"

He indeed halts his administration at that. She uses the break to take a few deep breaths. When she makes eye contact with him and she can literally feel the mood shift.

"Anything, hm?"

"Yes. Just please stop tickling me."

He shifts his weight a little and reaches up with his free hand to take one of her wrists into it and then he starts to massage them lightly. They're a little red from where she tried to twist them out of his grip but they don't actually hurt. So she watches him attentively, waiting for his answer.

Except he doesn't really answer but instead leans forward and presses her arms into the pillow on each side of her head. He lowers his head until his lips are barely an inch away from hers. It's clear what he wants and she lets her eyes slip close before nodding slightly

A second later he presses his lips to hers. She lets herself fall into the kiss and enjoy it, the wet slide of their lips against each other, the way it feels to have him sucking her lower lip into his mouth, the way the grip of hands on her wrists tightens a little.

She doesn't want to say she missed kissing him already, after all, she's only experienced it once — well twice, but drunk Mizuiro was to overwhelmed by everything to remember every detail. And it's nice to know that they both are on the same page concerning their mutual attraction.

His hands slide down her arms, over her breasts, and underneath her shirt. He pushes it up even further and then sits up, pulling her upright too. She raises her arms and he tugs her shirt off, throwing it off the bed. She grabs at his shirt, tugging it up.

"You too."

"In a second." He kisses her again and then pulls back to take off his shirt.

She watches him closely, letting her eyes wander over his upper body. They catch on the mouth on his chest and she lets herself reach out and draw her fingers along the lines. She didn't put much thought into it the last time, the heat of the moment combined with the darkness letting her forget about it.

"Found something more interesting?"

She looks up and he's smirking and apparently not bothered by her touch. Still, she feels her face flush a little. "Just paying attention to everything."

"Well I'm not going to stop you but first how about we move this along a little." He grabs her hand and pulls it up to his face. He presses a kiss to it and then lets go of her to climb off of her.

She watches him start to undo his pants and with an amused sigh she lets herself fall onto her back so she can lift her hips and wriggle out of her own pants. Just like last time she leaves her underwear on though, still too aware of how awkward she'd feel without it.

Deidara apparently still feels no shame whatsoever since he's currently climbing back onto the bed completely naked. Her attention is immediately drawn to his dick. Still, she blushes bright red when he catches her looking and brings her hands up to hide her face.

"You're allowed to look remember?"

"I know. You're just so...out there, you know. I'm not used to that."

He starts laughing and she feels him push her legs apart so he can kneel between them. "Did you just compliment my dick?"

She groans and drops her hands to her stomach to stare at him indignantly. "That's not what I meant!"

"I know, I know. I'm just messing with you." He settles more comfortably and then takes hold of her hands to pull her onto his lap. She goes willingly, wrapping an arm around his neck when he lets go of her to hold herself in the position. She feels his dick get caught between them and it feels oddly reminiscent of the last time. She leans forward and presses a kiss to his mouth before letting her lips wander to his neck. With her free hand, she reaches down between them and starts stroking him. He sighs and lets his head fall to the side, giving her more room to suck kisses into his skin.

He enjoys her ministrations for a while before one of his hands starts fumbling with the clasp of her bra, while he lowers the other between them. She bumps into it on an upstroke and removes her own hand for a few seconds. She looks down curious as to what he's doing and a shiver runs down her spine when she sees him literally licking his own dick.

"That's really hot," she breathes against his ear and then tugs off her now open bra. She throws it off the bed and then pulls him back into a kiss. She pushes his hand out of the way and takes over stroking him again. It's slicker now and she quickens her movement a little. She has to admit that the Kinjutsu seems to be pretty handy for all kind of different things.

"You know I went shopping the other day," he mumbles against her lips.

She pulls back a little to look him into the eyes, eyebrows raised in question, but doesn't stop jerking him off.

"Condoms. I bought condoms."

Her eyes widen, her stomach clenching with excitement. "We could actually have sex this time?"

He nods. "If you still want to."

"Of course I do."

She lets go of his dick and grabs his face with both hands before he has a chance to pull away. He makes a face and she laughs. Instead of kissing him, she rolls her eyes. "It's your own spit. Get over it."

"That doesn't mean it doesn't feel tacky." Even if he sounds a little miffed he's still grinning.

His hands come up around her waist and he tugs her even closer against him. She starts moving her hips slowly against him and lets him suck on her neck. She's sure she'll have a lovely hickey tomorrow but she's fine with it — the colder weather means her turtleneck will cover it. She slides her clean hand up into his hair and carefully tugs the hair tie off. She runs her fingers through his hair, pushing his bangs back and he bites her lightly.

She whines. "Have I ever told you that I really like your hair?" To make her point clear she tugs his head back by it and kisses him. She doesn't let go of it even when they part and it's oddly hot to be able to look at his whole face. She makes sure to hold the eye contact when she whispers "Also, fuck me now, please?"

His eyes seem to darken. "Well if you ask so nicely."

He lets go of her and she lets herself fall back onto the bed. She lifts her legs up so that he can tug off her panties and then he leans down and simply licks over her before sucking her clit into his mouth for a moment, to which she responds with a loud moan.

"Don't tease," she mumbles when he pulls away again a moment later.

He laughs and reaches for the nightstand to open the top drawer. She watches him rummage through it and lets a hand wander down her own body to start touching herself.

When he closes it and turns back to her, he has a condom and lube in his hand. "Starting without me I see."

She sticks her tongue out but keeps going. "I'm a strong independent woman, I can come by myself."

"Well don't let me interrupt you." He starts getting himself ready and then just keeps stroking his dick while he watches her. For a while they both just watch each other do their own thing but when she feels her body tense up, she reaches for him and tugs him down into a kiss. She comes like that and only breaks the kiss when she's stopped twitching with the aftershocks. She gives herself a moment to catch her breath before whispering "Go ahead."

He positions himself and she takes a few deep breaths trying to relax her body even further. When he actually starts pushing in, her grip on his arm still tightens. It's not painful or uncomfortable but rather just plain weird. It's been a while since she had anything bigger than fingers inside of her and well they still don't compare to this at all.

He pauses once he's fully inside of her and she hesitantly tenses her pelvic muscles to check if she's really okay. She is but apparently, he's not.

"Oh god stop," he groans and drops his head into the crook of her neck. "Just give me a second or this will be over pretty damn soon."

She laughs and oh that feels different than normal. She can feel him panting against her neck and she brings up her hands to rake her fingers slowly up and down his back. He shudders.

"That's not helping."

"You don't need to impress me you know.

He shifts his weight and it makes him sink in a little deeper. They both groan.

"I'm not trying to. I'd just like to last more than a few seconds."

"Well, now you're the one complimenting my vagina."

He laughs and presses kisses up her neck and over her jaw to her mouth. They start making out and it's not long before he slowly starts to move his hips. She lets him push her arms down into the pillow and crosses her legs behind him, pulling him a little closer.

She feels the mouths in his hands open and gasps when they start biting at her underarms. It feels weirdly good and she lets herself get lost in the interplay of the different sensations happening to her body.

And just like he said beforehand it really doesn't take too long until he breaks the kiss and presses his face into her neck. His body shudders, he pushes in deep and comes. He sags against her and the grip of his hands loosens a little. So she twists hers free and brings them up to run her fingers through his hair until he's caught his breath again.

"Well that was nice," Mizuiro says when he's propped himself up on his arms and she can actually see his face again.

He raises an eyebrow at her.

"I mean there's always room for improvement but-" He kisses her before she can finish her sentence but they are both smiling into it. When he pulls back he sits up and reaches down, to grab the condom and pull out. She watches him tie it off and then he gets up to throw it away. She climbs off the bed too and picks up her underwear from the floor. She tugs it on and goes looking for her bra.

By the time she's found it and put it on, Deidara's standing in the doorway, frowning and arms crossed. He's wearing pants again but his feet and chest are still bare.

"So we're going to talk about this now, right?"

She picks up his sweater from the floor, not feeling the skin tight cling of her turtleneck, and pulls it over her head. It's only a little baggy on her but mostly it's just too long. "I actually came here to do that in the first place. So yes."

He smiles. "I'll make some tea."

* * *

He takes his time making the tea, feeling her eyes on him from where she's sitting at the table. He's not quite sure where to start with his thoughts and what he wants to say to her. Even with how natural everything before this felt, it has that hint of awkwardness right now that makes him clam up.

"I need to apologize to you," she says after a while.

He picks up both of their cups and places them on the table before taking the seat across from her.

"I shouldn't take my insecurities out on you," she adds, clutching the cup between her hands.

He takes a sip from his tea and turns the cup around in his hands once. He knows she didn't mean any harm by her behavior. And she obviously wasn't embarrassed about him specifically, she's never been before so why would she be now? He musters her. She's staring into her tea, biting her lip. The sweater is slipping off her right shoulder, revealing a few hickeys he left. It sends an illicit thrill through him, to know he did this and it makes him want to take her back to his bed already again. It's a strange feeling. He's not used to something or someone holding his interest this way for long. "Apology accepted."

She looks up at him and catches his eyes. A faint blush rises on her cheeks. "Thank you."

"I have to apologize to you too. I get pushy when I'm on edge and I just wanted you to finally talk to me, so I could know where we were at."

"It's okay. I did the thing again where I just stuffed my problems inside of me and you giving me my forehead protector in front of Nanami and Keiko at least made me talk about it. It was needed."

"I'm glad me being an asshole helped you."

She smiles and shakes her head. "You're not an asshole, Deidara. Just a little difficult sometimes. But we all have those days, so as long as it doesn't become the norm you're good."

"You know," he starts and takes another sip of his tea. "I never really was into this hot teacher thing but if you talk like that while barely dressed, I might be able to get behind it."

"I don't like it when you talk like that." She drinks some of her tea, a blush rising on her face. He would believe her if she looked more embarrassed. But as it is, she mostly just looks like she didn't expect this to come out of his mouth and also as if she's a little turned on by the idea.

He smirks and stretches his legs out. His feet knock into her legs and she blushes even further, pulling them back. Definitely turned on then. That she's avoiding making eye contact only proves it further.

"Uhm. So are we going to call this a two-time thing and call it quits or..." she trails off, looking like she's not quite sure how to phrase it.

"Or we are just going to continue hooking up when we feel like it?"

She nods. "Yeah, that."

"Well, what do you want?" He won't mind either way. At least he hopes his sexual interest in her will go away after some time, now that he's had her twice already. Though he really won't say anything against keeping her as an option for sex. Not that he wouldn't be able to find other people but with her, he at least knows it'll be fun and less awkward. That he generally enjoys her company is a bonus too.

She blushes bright red and ducks her head. "Matsuri never managed to make me come so I stopped sleeping with him. But you did so I really don't want to say no to sex with you."

With how fast she spoke it takes him a moment to process what exactly she said. But when he does he feels his mouth twist into a smirk and there's a spike of excitement in the pit of his stomach. "He never made you come, huh?"

She shrugs her shoulders. "I just figured I wasn't able to relax properly or something. But then you just snapped your fingers and I went boom." She even makes an explosive motion with her hand.

"Fitting analogy. But you know, maybe it was just him. Some guys simply suck at repaying the favor or struggle with the technique. Believe it or not, even I had a learning curve."

"Did you now?"

"Oh yes, absolutely. But nowadays my hands are simply magical." He taps his fingers against the table. Her eyes snap down to them immediately and he grins. "Need further proof?"

"I uhm- yes I'd like that very much."

He gets up to place his empty cup in the sink and then turns back to her and reaches out his hands. She takes them and he pulls her up onto her feet. The whole look she got going right now, is one of his dreams. The half-naked-except-for-his-sweater thing would have been enough already but add to that her open messy hair, her flushed cheeks, and the hickeys peeking out from underneath the collar and she's the picture of pure debauchery. It's such a stark contrast to her usual look and it's fantastic. He's all too willing to fall for it.

"Then let's get to it."

* * *

Mizuiro flops down onto the ground, opens her jacket and pushes up her sleeves. Just for a moment. She's feeling too hot.

"You are going to get sick if you sit around sweaty in the cold," Nanami says but tugs her own scarf a little loose.

"Just a minute," she responds and tugs away the turtleneck from her skin and fans herself some air. Training really did a number on her today.

"Are those bruises from today?" Keiko suddenly asks, handing her a bottle of water and settling down next to her.

"Bruises?" She unscrews the bottle cap and takes a sip.

"On your wrists Mizu," Nanami points out.

She looks down at her arms and oh wow those are some dark bruises. She blinks and it's like a movie plays in her head of the events from yesterday. She didn't realize they had gotten this intense and she feels her face flush red. "No, they aren't."

"What happened then? Those don't look like you just bumped into something."

"Uhm...they are hickeys?" She might as well tell them. Sooner or later she'll have to follow up their talk from a few days ago with the end results anyway, so why not now.

"Hickeys? There? How did that even-" Keiko breaks off. "Ohhhh. Oh right. Deidara's hands."

She presses her hands to her cheeks and nods.

"Well seems like his hands are good for more than just fighting, huh?" Nanami grins.

"You have no idea," Mizuiro mumbles. Deidara gave her three more orgasms yesterday and that without there being much foreplay or other kinds of touching. It had been an interesting experience, to say the least and she'd walked away from it with the certainty that he probably would be able to make her come even when she wasn't turned on at all.

"But you two talked too right?"

She nods. "Both of us apologized for being assholes and we came to an agreement that we'll keep each other as an option when we feel the need."

"So like what you did with Matsuri."

"Yeah just a lot better since the orgasms are fairly split and I don't have to do most of the work."

"Was it really that bad? You never complained before," Keiko says and pushes back to her feet. She dusts off her pants and it's a clear sign that they'll go back to training in a minute. Mizuiro closes the water bottle before dropping it down and fixing her shirt and jacket.

"No it wasn't," she sighs and gets up too. "I just didn't know better then. Or maybe I did and didn't want to admit to myself that it could be better." She stretches her arms, getting rid of the momentary stiffness in her muscles.

"Well you know better what you need and if he gives that to you we can't complain. Just tell us when he takes it too far," Nanami adds giving her a stern look.

"Of course. But let's get back to training for now."

The two nod in agreement and a minute later they're back at it.


	16. March 99

On the last weekend of February Mizuiro shows up unannounced at Deidara's place with a big backpack filled to the brim — because sometimes sealing things into scrolls is just not worth the effort — and a smaller bag of groceries.

When he opens the door, he looks her over and raises an eyebrow. "What's in the bags?"

"Some clothes, some food, some alcohol. The usual things a woman needs when doing a slumber party with a friend." She makes a vague hand motion, slips of her boots with a little difficulty and then walks past him towards his kitchen. She sets her bag down on one of the chairs and starts by unpacking the groceries into the fridge and cabinets. It's mostly snacks but also some fresh vegetables because god knows she won't survive if she only eats junk food this weekend and she wasn't sure what he'd have at home.

"Not a kunoichi?" he asks when stepping into the kitchen.

"Nope, just a normal woman."

"And why are you bringing that here?"

"Well you see," she knocks the fridge door closed with her hip and turns towards him. "I had nothing planned for the weekend and I know that you have nothing planned this weekend either. I mean except for being all artsy."

"Which means that I actually had plans of you know working on my art."

She stops him with a wave of her hand and starts to rummage around her bag and unpack some of things, placing them neatly on the table. "Don't worry. You can still do that."

He walks over to the table and picks up one of the bottles she put down. "Sake? Seriously?"

"Yes, and it's the good one too."

He unscrews the bottle, smells it and immediately pulls a face. "This is disgusting."

"I know. Which is why I also brought all these other actually tasty things. Matsuri was very generous with the collection he gave me."

"So you really want to get me drunk." He chuckles and shakes his head. "I was kind of hoping you'd forgotten about that by now."

"And miss out on experiencing you drunk? Hell no. Also you're always so tense and poised and I really want to see you let loose a little."

He sighs and wraps an arm around her waist while placing the sake back on the table. He leans in close and says, "I could think of other things that would loosen me up."

"Maybe later." She smiles at him and then shrugs off his arm. And that's that.

He says, "Alright, got it." but there's no disappointment in his voice or any kind of negative emotion. He simply accepts her words and goes back to inspecting the alcohol. She loves that they are still friends first and can hang out without it leading to sex immediately.

Though admittedly most of the time it still does because it's like he woke her up from a slumber and she feels so insatiable some days that she doesn't quite understand how she's supposed to go through her normal daily life. But that she started staying some of the weeknights with him because she can't catch a full night's rest at her parents house anymore — Mayu loves to scream her lungs out in the middle of the night — has so far only helped in supporting her need to get her hands on him too often.

At least he's the same and doesn't mind her spontaneous urges.

"So," she starts and grabs her bag again to place it in the corner, out of the way. "I'm obviously not going to force you to drink anything. But I'm asking you very nicely to not let me get drunk by myself. It really took me a lot of time to wheedle some of these bottles out of Matsuri's hands and I'd hate for all my work to go to waste. And I promise in the end it will be worth it for you."

He looks at her for a moment and then shrugs his shoulders. "Alright. Let's make some food and then we can try this."

A smile spreads on her lips. Oh, this will be good.

* * *

He feels fuzzy and heavy and warm. He could fall asleep at any second probably but at the same time he feels so awake and aware of every touch, especially where her head is resting on his stomach.

She's also starring at him so he lolls his head to the side and makes eye contact. Her cheeks are flushed and her eyes wide and without even really thinking about it he reaches out and pats her head. It makes her giggle.

"Still doing good?" she asks, a smile on her lips

"Perfect, just perfect," he responds. It's not fair that she still seems so put together even though she drank more than him — he made sure of it because he didn't find it fair if she'd be less drunk than him just because she was more used to it. Apparently though it didn't work as well as he'd hoped. "You on the other hand could probably use another glass."

"Nooo," she whines and presses her face into his stomach. "This is comfy."

Her hair tickles his bare skin, where his shirt has slid up, and he can't keep a small laugh from breaking out. God he feels drunk. "I'm so drunk."

"I know." She laughs again and then she suddenly does move, even though a second ago she didn't want to. It feels like he blinks and then she flops down next to him, their faces next to each other. "Can I ask you something?"

He looks at her and then just nods because he kind of wants to tell her everything she wants to hear.

"How did you lose your virginity?"

Oddly enough his first focus is that she just asked this without blushing when a few weeks ago she couldn't even go about asking him if they'd continue hooking up without him having to finish her sentences. It's kind of odd and he wonders if he already ruined her more than he thought. He must laugh out loud at that thought because she presses a finger to his lips and shushes him.

"Don't laugh, answer my question," she whines but starts giggling too. It takes both of them a moment to get their bearings back under control.

"I paid someone. It wasn't the best experience of my life but I had fun." She gets this intense look on her face and he continues on, to distract her. He doesn't want to make her feel bad for him and ruin the mood. "I assume Matsuri took yours?"

She rolls her eyes. "I was emotionally vulnerable and he took full advantage of it. Can't say I'm mad at him for it but I never really got why he thought me crying my eyes out was the best situation to do that."

"You're cute when you cry," he mumbles without wanting to. He really is drunk. "Why were you crying anyway?"

"I had a close call on a mission and realized what being a ninja actually means. It threw my brain for a loop because I suddenly didn't know if I wanted to keep doing this but also didn't know what else I could do. It was pure emotional stress for me."

"That's where you got the scar on your back." He noticed it before both with his eyes and hands. It fit the wounds kunais left and he'd figured she'd gotten injured on a mission. But he had no clue that it had been such a bad experience for her.

"Yeah," her voice sounds somber and now it was him who ruined the mood. "I hate it."

"Why?"

"Because it's an ever-present reminder of how I failed at the one thing I wanted to do and I can't get rid of it."

He rolls over onto his stomach and props himself up on his elbows. She looks over at him and he reaches out and bobs her on the nose. "I'm not going to tell you what to think but you should rather take it as a sign that you survived that."

She groans in annoyance and bats his hand away. "Stop trying to make me feel better when I'm being whiny. I shouldn't even worry about it that much even if I think it's ugly. At least I can hide it while others don't have that option."

"If it bothers you, it bothers you. Doesn't matter how irrelevant it is in comparison to others. So if you don't want me to pay attention to it, I won't. Even if personally I don't care."

"Matsuri did," she breaks eye contact and she doesn't look that convinced of his words, a faint blush rising on her cheeks. "At least he never liked it when my back was to him."

Deidara assumes it was still new and relatively freshly healed when Matsuri saw it for the first time. And he's not a ninja, so it must have served as a constant reminder of how much danger she put herself into. Of course he wouldn't want to see it.

"Well good thing you're stuck with me right now, because I'd show you right now how much I don't mind it if I wasn't drunk."

A pleased little smile pops up on her face at his words. It's cute and makes him want to kiss her, so he does. When he pulls back she's got a strange look on her face that he can't quite place but she's still smiling. It makes him feel funny. Or maybe it's just the alcohol.

"We should have another drink," she says after they've stared at each other for too long.

"Sure. Just not that disgusting one again." He pulls back, so that she can sit up. Her top knot has come nearly undone by now and she pulls out her hair tie completely. She leaves it on the floor when she gets up and combs her hands through her hair.

"I admit that wasn't my best creation but I have one that's definitely yummy still up my sleeve. So get ready for that." She winks at him and disappears into the kitchen.

He flops back down onto his back with a sigh. God, he hopes they won't feel this tomorrow.

And turns out he's lucky because while he gets a little dizzy when switching between lying and sitting positions during the first few hours after waking up the next day otherwise he feels fine. Especially after he's had food. He decides for himself then that he should be fine during her birthday party in a few weeks and that he definitely won't embarrass himself.

* * *

She's sticking to the wall, pinning a garland to it when the door to Tapu opens. She makes sure it will hold and lets her head fall back to check who's early. She has a good idea already and it's confirmed when she sees Deidara stand there, hands shoved into his pockets.

"Someone didn't listen when I told them the time."

"Well someone was on their knees while telling me so sue me for being distracted. At least I'm not late."

She laughs and drops down to the floor.

"It's fine. You can help me decorate since Keiko's gonna be late. She had to help her mother with something."

"Alright. Where should I start?"

She points him into the direction of the bag of decorations she dug out of the backroom and the other bag she brought herself. For a while they work quietly and efficiently on their own ends of the room. Until Mizuiro wanders over to the small stereo and turns the music louder. She spins on the spot, her dress flaring out nicely and holds out her hand to Deidara.

"What?" He looks curious, comes over and takes her hand. "I told you I won't dance."

"Don't worry." She pulls him close and lets her hands slide up his arms and over his shoulders. She intertwines them behind his head. "I just want a kiss."

He smiles and rests his forehead against hers. "I guess I can let one kiss slide since you're technically still the birthday girl."

He kisses her. It's short and sweet but already leaves her wanting more — he really ruined her during those past weeks. So she instinctively follows him when he pulls away.

"We have a job to finish."

"Ah, you're no fun."

He doesn't respond to her pout and ducks out of her arms. Then he turns her around and gently pushes her in the direction of where she stopped decorating.

"Killjoy," she mumbles and starts working on her end of the room again. He just chuckles and continues his work too.

They work quietly until Keiko arrives with a flushed face from the cold and already halfway out of her jacket.

"Sorry I'm so late!" she says and starts rummaging in her bag for something.

"It's fine," Mizuiro answers and skips over to her to greet her probably. "I got unexpected help."

She looks up from her bag. "Oh. Hi Deidara."

"Hey." He waves at her over his shoulder and then goes back to pinning the garland to the wall.

"Well, I brought the balloons you asked me for."

"Great. Can you start blowing them up?"

"Of course."

The next half an hour they spend their time finishing up the decorations and laughing themselves to tears when they can't manage to blow up a few of the balloons no matter how hard they try.

Shortly after that Gimonfu and Matsuri arrive since they also have some things left to prepare. It's a little awkward for her when Matsuri doesn't just hug her in greeting but also presses a kiss to her cheek. She hasn't seen him since before she started hooking up with Deidara and well she hasn't spent a second on thinking about whether he's still interested in her. But well she'll have to deal with this now and see how the evening goes.

She glances over to Deidara when Matsuri disappears behind the bar but he's still talking with Keiko and doesn't look bothered at all by the cheek kiss. Not like he has to care. They're just having sex and never said anything about being exclusive in any form or way. So technically she's still allowed to do things with Matsuri. That she doesn't want to is a different story.

"You wanna pay today or tomorrow, girl?" Gimonfu asks and sets down a couple of bottles behind the bar.

She rolls her eyes at her own brain — she should just enjoy her evening and not worry about any of this — and turns towards him. "I have the money with me so we might as well do the business stuff now. The usual deal of people who break shit have to bring in replacements stands?"

"Of course. Let's go to the back real quick. You can stash your bags and left over decorations there too."

She collects her things — except for a tiny bag — and follows him. It's quick business like always afterwards. She hands over the small stack of money and he counts it three times as he tends to do and then reminds her of how she's supposed to clean up the next day and that she better not be late. She promises and makes a mental note to mention it to Keiko too since she offered to help doing that too. Gimonfu pats her on the shoulder and shoos her back out to the front.

"Give the girl her favorite, Matsuri. She needs to start this evening off right!"

"But it's still so early and-" Her protests fall on deaf ears.

"Alright! Coming right up!"

She looks helplessly over to where Keiko and Deidara are sitting but they just shrug and laugh.

She throws her hands up. "Fine. I already see how this evening will go. But you three are responsible for making sure that I get into a real bed tonight."

"I'm sure we'll manage to do that somehow," Deidara says and grins. 

Matsuri puts down her drink on the bar and winks at her. "Well, I sure as hell won't mind getting you into a bed."

And he is on a roll today. She smiles, grabs her drink and exes it. The taste of the alcohol in it is stronger than she remembers it being. But well she feels like she's going to need this. And getting attention from Matsuri leaves her feeling kind of weird because she's so focused on getting and having Deidara's interest instead. She slams the empty glass down on the bar.

"And that's why you're my favorite customer!" Gimonfu says. "A girl that knows how to drink properly."

"Well, your son taught me well."

Gimonfu laughs loudly and slaps her on the back. "And she knows just what to say too. Now Matsuri let's get some of the good stuff out here. This is gonna be a good party!"

"Thank you!" she shouts after them and returns to Deidara and Keiko.

"How much did you pay if you're getting the good stuff?" Keiko asks with a raised eyebrow. The prices for alcohol are pretty steep with all the regulations placed on it, so the question is totally reasonable.

"Don't worry. I get discounts." It's the truth but she still safes up for a while. Especially since being a teaching apprentice is not the best paying job there is. She settles into a chair and starts rummaging through the small bag she left on the table. She places her eyeliner neatly next to it and then zips it up again.

"Oh, can I?" Deidara asks, his fingers already reaching for it.

"I was hoping you'd ask." She says, smiles and turns. She scoots her chair a little closer and closes her eyes, sticking her head out towards him. "You do it better than me anyway."

"And how did you two figure that out," Keiko asks while Deidara starts his work.

"Just one of the things you notice when you stay at somebody's place."

"How often do you stay with him?"

Mizuiro mumbles "Not that often." at the same time that Deidara says "Like three times a week by now?"

"Huh, really? I guess your parents aren't too excited by that."

"Well, my father isn't. As if it was my idea that they have another child." She pitches her voice differently to make it sound more like her father when he's reprimanding her. "Young lady you need to learn to take responsibility outside of being a ninja."

Keiko chuckles. "Because you are the one who needs to be told to be responsible"

"I know right?"

"Mizuiro, stop moving your face so much or I'm gonna screw up."

"Sorry." She sighs. "Anyway I can't get a full night's sleep at home, because Mayu's favorite time to scream her lungs out is the middle of the night. And I can't deal with the students when I'm tired all the time, so when I'm really tired I just stay with Deidara on weeknights."

"And I don't mind because she buys me groceries in return and I enjoy her company. So win-win for both of us. And done." He leans back and caps the eyeliner.

She opens her eyes and he musters her for a second before nodding. "You're good."

"Awesome. Thank you." He drops it into her hands and she grabs her bag and gets up again. "I'm gonna bring this to the back real quick and then I guess we'll just sit back and relax until people arrive."

* * *

She has no idea how she ends up in a bathroom stall with Deidara at some point during the evening. Not in the sense of a memory lapse but rather in the way off one minute she's talking to Tenten and the next she's here with him between her legs.

What she does remember though is that there was lots of unnecessarily prolonged eye contact and flirty smiles. And seemingly innocent touching when passing by. It was like they had unanimously decided to play a game of who would crack first and it hadn't been her thank you very much. But she really doesn't care because if the goal was to make her come she's a-okay with this.

The door to the bathroom opens and she can feel Deidara pause and pull away a bit. She throws her hands up in annoyance — why now, she was so close — and looks down. He's staring up at her, a challenging smirk on his face. Then he leans in again and continues right where he left off. She gasps quietly, burrowing a hand in his hair and pulling him that little bit closer.

There's a knock on the door of the stall they're in.

"Shit," she mumbles and reflexively tightens the grip of her hand. She clears her throat. "Yeah?"

There's a slightly annoyed sigh outside and then Keiko's voice resounds from the tiles. "Look I don't care what you two are doing in there but please finish up. Matsuri's looking for you and he's starting to get annoying, Mizu."

"Thanks for letting me know, Keiko. I'll be right-" she breaks off into a whimper. "out."

"Yeah I'm gonna wait outside because I actually need to pee and I'm not doing that while you two are here. So seriously, hurry up."

She comes a few seconds after the door clicks shut again, pressing his head closer and raising up onto her toes. Afterwards, she slumps back against the wall and pats aimlessly over his head. "Good timing."

Deidara laughs and stands back up while wiping a hand over his mouth. He presses a short kiss to her lips. She watches him adjust himself, before tugging his sweater into place — it's not really long or loose enough to cover anything but well with the dim light she's sure nobody will notice anyway. "Too bad I don't get the chance to repay the favor."

"It's fine. I'm sure you can make it up to me on a different night."

She laughs and unlocks the stall door, heading straight for the sink. She washes her hands and splashes some water onto her cheeks to cool off. It's not like the flush in them will be too obvious — the dim light and the alcohol will make sure of that — but it still makes her feel a little more put together. While Deidara cleans up, she pulls her hair up into a ponytail and then waits for him to redo his own hair. She probably shouldn't have burrowed her hands in it but it's always so damn inviting.

"Ready?

"Yeah."

He tugs the door open and just like promised, Keiko's standing directly next to it, arms crossed in front of her chest.

"Seriously? In a public bathroom with all your friends in the next room?" She looks at them reproachfully and then turns to Deidara. "You're a really bad influence on her. I swear she was nice and innocent before you."

"Aww, Keiko. Don't make him feel bad just because he does everything I ask him to."

Keiko pulls a face and Mizuiro breaks out into giggles. She hurries off before she can reprimand them further. She hears her shout "So much for you being the responsible one!" after her and then Deidara's laughter.

She comes back into the main room to excited shouting and she spots Matsuri the exact same second he spots her. His whole face lights up.

"You!" He points at her and then comes over to grab and pull her to the middle of the table. There's already two big glasses of something on it and he places her in front of one. "Look who's here again!" 

Somebody whoops excitedly and she grins. She waits until Matsuri is in front of his own glass before she asks "So what's the drink of choice tonight?"

He shrugs. "No idea. My father made it. He promised it's nothing too hard though."

"Great! Can I try a sip to make sure I actually like it?"

"Go ahead. Won't do us any good if you have to throw up afterwards."

"Thanks." She tries a small sip of the drink and well it's definitely acceptable. "Yeah, I can live with this."

"Nice. Well then, let's get this show started! Who'll give us the countdown?"

* * *

Even if Matsuri has already set down his glass and started cheering, accompanied by the loud yelling of everybody around, Mizuiro still finishes of her own drink.

"One round of shots on my son!" Gimonfu announces loudly and gets cheers in response.

"So close!" She slams her empty glass back onto the table and pushes it away. "It was so close!" Somebody pats her on the shoulder and she pouts dramatically.

"Well being close doesn't mean you win!" Matsuri says and sticks out his tongue.

"Next time I'll get you."

"Ha! Keep dreaming."

They both take the shots Gimonfu hands them and touch glasses before downing them too. She feels a cold shiver run down her back and pulls a face at the taste of it. Matsuri wanders off with a wink in her direction and she falls into conversation with some of the others who jokingly offer their condolences over her loss.

At some point, someone taps her on the back and she spins around in her chair.

"Oh Sensei Yutaka." She frowns a little confused. "You're still here."

He laughs. "Don't worry I'm heading out now before I witness more things I shouldn't or don't want to see."

She giggles, feeling her face flush with embarrassment.

"Take care and make sure you actually get home safe."

"I have three people who promised to make sure I get home and into a bed. I'm sure we'll manage somehow."

"Alright. See you later then."

She waves after him and then returns her attention to the conversation Keiko and Hinata were having next to her. They're soon joined by Nanami who drops into the empty chair across from her.

"Nanami! You made it!" Mizuiro claps her hands together excitedly.

"Sorry that I couldn't be there on your actual birthday. You're present is still at home."

"It's okay." She giggles. God, she's so happy that all her favorite people showed their faces today. She couldn't have better friends.

"How was your mission?" Hinata asks and Nanami immediately launches into retelling it. 

* * *

While Nanami tells her story, Mizuiro's attention strays from her quickly. It's not that she doesn't want to hear about the mission but she's very much feeling the effects of the alcohol right now and there's an itch under her skin that she can't quite place. Also she's sure Nanami will happily tell her all about it at another point — when she's sober. So she doesn't feel too bad getting up from her chair and wandering off. She checks in with her other friends, talks with them and takes shots with a few of them. But she still feels off a little.

She gets stuck talking to Lee for a while — or rather it's her trying to make sense of his words because he's slurring his speech a lot and she's not sober enough to follow him fully. So she quickly leaves Lee under the guise of needing to pee — which she does actually.

Afterwards, she gets another drink. This time only water, so that she has something to balance out the huge glass of whatever she had before a little. She leans against the bar for a moment while letting her eyes wander around the room.

They catch on Deidara who's laughing at something Sai said and she watches him for a moment, taking another sip of water. He says something in response, her eyes following the movements of his gesturing and it hits her like a ton of bricks why she's feeling so weird. She's still horny. She pulls a face and takes another sip. It's the worst situation she could be in because she's sure that he being able to make her come earlier was pure luck — maybe also the thrill of breaking the rules a little — and that by now the levels of alcohol in her body would prevent that from happening again.

But well she could still go over there and make out with him. Just feeling his hands and his mouth on her in some way — she giggles to herself, it's actually never really just one mouth with him — would probably help to disperse the feeling a little. Huh, maybe she should do that.

He smirks at something Sai says and she feels a familiar tug in her stomach. Yep, she definitely should go over there right now. She takes her glass with her and walks to them. She lets herself fall onto the bench next to Deidara and says "Hi."

Sai stops in the middle of his sentence, smiles and says, "Hello. Feeling good?"

She smiles brightly and nods. Her facial expression must look a little weird though because he raises his eyebrows and turns to Deidara, who seems pretty amused. "Is she really okay?"

"Yeah, she's just drunk."

"Don't mind me just keep talking," she offers and turns to people watching.

Their conversation continues and she mostly just listens and keeps sipping on her water. She doesn't really want to interrupt their conversation completely since they both seem to very much enjoy it but she's also getting a little fidgety.

She doesn't even realize that she started bouncing her leg until Deidara's hand lands on her thigh and presses down to stop the motion. He throws her a look and she hastily drinks the rest of her water to hide her blush. She makes sure to keep her feet still after that but his hand stays on her leg and he even starts drawing circles with his thumb. It's quite distracting, to be honest and after a while, she lets her head drop against his shoulder.

"Still feeling okay?" he asks and it would be cute that he worries about her getting sick if she wasn't slowly going mad over the fact that she can't decide between shooing Sai away and finally getting what she came over here for or just letting Deidara make his own friends — not that he didn't make any during the time he's been in Konoha now but it's clear that people are quicker to trust him after the war and he's been taking full advantage of it.

So yes, her "I'm wonderful." comes out with a hint of irony. He pats her leg and pulls his hand away but she stops him mid-motion and very pointedly places it back where it was. Even if she can't make up her mind she at least wants to keep this sensation going. They share a look. 

"Do you two want me to leave?", Sai asks and Mizuiro can't help but shrug her shoulders. She has to admit her drunk self isn't the most polite one.

"You don't have too. I'm sure she can keep quiet for a little longer."

"Ah it's fine. I'm getting tired anyway." Sai smiles and gets up. "Don't let me stop your foreplay any longer. Thank you for inviting me."

Mizuiro frowns but nods and they watch him walk away.

"He still doesn't have the best grasp on social interactions, does he?"

"Well, he managed to read my mood right."

"What foreplay is your mood?"

"No, you idiot. I'm horny. I came here to make out with you but I didn't want to ruin your conversation."

He raises an eyebrow. "Is that so?"

She rolls her eyes and unceremoniously and without any grace — she knocks into the table behind her making the glasses on it wobble — climbs into his lap. It takes a second for her to figure out how to place her legs comfortably but once she's settled, she sticks out her tongue at him.

"I see that seventeen brought you all the maturity of a little kid."

"And I see that not coming makes you grumpy."

He rests his hands on her upper thighs, awfully close to the hemline of her dress, and pinches her lightly. "I thought you were supposed to be nice to the person you want something from."

She brings her arms up and wraps them around his shoulder, resting her forehead against his. "It's not like you don't get anything out of this."

He hums in agreement and pulls her a little closer, dragging his nose over her cheek. When he reaches her ear, he bites her earlobe lightly before whispering: "You really wanna do this here?"

"I told you already that I don't care who knows about this," she responds and pulls back to look him in the eyes. "And I'm sure a lot of people already know anyway if even Sai noticed it."

"I mean because of Matsuri. He seems like the guy who'd start a fight over a girl. Especially when drunk"

She can't suppress the amused smile. "He's harmless, you've spent enough time with him to know that by now. And it's not like he has any claims on me."

"If you say so."

"I do. And now let me kiss you."

His chuckles get cut off by her pressing her lips to his and from that point, they don't really talk for a while.

* * *

She's still very much sitting in Deidara's lap even if they stopped making out by now — Gimonfu and Lee nearly starting a fight helped to bring her back to the present — when Matsuri yells for her and everyone else to come to the bar. She sighs, letting her head drop against Deidara's shoulder.

"I don't wanna," she mumbles into the fabric of his sweater and rubs her cheek against it. She's very much comfortable where she is.

"You're the host."

"My leg fell asleep."

"Alright." It's a little complicated but he manages to scoot over with her still in his lap, so that they are in between tables. Then he wraps his arms around her waist a little tighter and gets up. She makes a startled noise and clutches onto him a little tighter, while stretching out her legs, looking for the ground underneath her feet. He carefully sets her down and doesn't immediately let go of her. "You good on your own?"

She pulls out of his arms and stares at him indignantly, a blush high on her cheeks. "Don't just do that!"

He tilts his head and raises an eyebrow. For a moment he just looks at her and then he seems to realize something. "This is a thing for you."

"No." Her answer is out too fast to be genuine and by the smirk that appears on his face, he knows.

"Oh, it is!" He smirks. "So that is why you always make such a fuss when I pick you up. Because you don't want to admit that you like it."

"Oh my god shut up," she hisses and slaps his arm, before turning around and fleeing to where the others are gathering around the bar. Once she's found a place in between people, safely away from Deidara, she stretches out her toes in her shoe, the tingling feeling of her leg slowly waking up again deeply unpleasant.

He wasn't wrong in his assumptions but this was also so not the time and place, she wanted to discuss this at. She's way too drunk for this conversation.

She accepts the shot Matsuri hands her with a smile and knocks it back without hesitation once everybody has theirs. It's disgusting but takes care of the leftover embarrassment, and the next shot she accepts she's already calm enough again to take part in the conversation next to her.

It's a steady stream of drinks after that, Matsuri handing them out to everybody like they are on a mission to empty Tapu's resources, and one after the other the people around her start saying their goodbyes. She gets a lot of hugs and thank yous for the invitations and to her, it doesn't feel long before it's just Matsuri, Deidara and her left at their end of the bar. With Nanami and Sasuke a little further down.

"How late is it anyway?" Matsuri asks, his speech slurred from the alcohol.

"Nearly five."

"Oh wow," Mizuiro says and lets her forehead drop onto her folded arms. "I have to be back here in eight hours to clean up already."

"Maybe we should go home too."

"Deidara?"

"Sure. Let me just go use the bathroom real quick."

She watches him walk away, staring kind of obviously at his ass and sighs happily. Matsuri knocks his elbow into her side and leans closer.

"So how's the sex with him?"

"Sorry what?" She sits up straight again and feels the panic rise in her.

"Come on Mizu." He smirks and leans in a little closer. "You don't need to pretend. I saw you two making out and there are enough rumors going around. So?"

"We've had sex, yes."

"And?"

She squints her eyes. "Why do you want to know?"

"Just satisfying my curiosity."

She looks at him for a second longer and lowers her voice a little. "All I will tell you is, his hands are worth gold."

He laughs and empties his glass. "So orgasms are plentiful?" 

She's amazed that she can still feel her cheeks turn red after all the alcohol she's had. "I said that's all I'll tell you!"

"Alright, alright." He goes quiet, though there is still a mischievous grin on his face.

Deidara returns to them, with their jackets tucked underneath his arm and hands her hers willingly when she reaches for it. She slips into it while still on the barstool. Afterwards she gets up and maybe she drank more than she thought she did, because she feels the world tilt just a little bit too much. She reaches out for the bar to steady herself a little. "Ohhh," she mumbles and somehow this feels hilarious and she can't help but start giggling.

"You okay?"

"Perfect," she brings out in between bursts of giggles.

She can feel an arm wrap around her waist and steer her into the direction of the door.

"I'm gonna go home now too. Just lock the door when you leave, Nanami," she hears Matsuri say and then they are outside. The air is surprisingly cold but a nice change to the stuffy air inside Tapu. Still she feels the goosebumps appear on her bare legs and tucks her jacket a little tighter around herself. Her giggles taper off after a while too and she feels a little more clear-headed again.

"So Deidara," Matsuri starts after they've been walking for a moment, and they both look over to him. "A little bird told me that your hands are magical. Why's that?"

"Matsuri!" she yelps and makes to slap his shoulder but misses.

Deidara raises an eyebrow at her indignant face. But still lifts his hand in his direction and sticks the tongue out of the mouth in it. "I'm assuming she didn't mean in an artistic sense." 

Matsuri's facial expression changes within seconds from curiosity to mild disgust and then excitement. "Dude that must be amazing while jerking off!"

"Uhm sure."

"Wow. I didn't think I would ever be jealous of you, Mizuiro, but damn. I wouldn't say no to trying that. And you have one in each hand? So three mouths at once, wow." Matsuri trails off and his eyes get that far off look.

She can't help but giggle at Deidara's confused expression and when he leans down and quietly asks "Is he trying to hit on me? I thought he was straight." she breaks out into full out laughter. This is the best thing that could happen to her.

"Maybe he just appreciates the art of sex," she gets out and then has to stop walking for a moment because she's laughing too hard. Her laughter gets Matsuri to return back to earth too, and he looks over at her.

"Sex isn't art," Deidara says, eyebrows raised.

"Well, technically it is. Under your reasoning art is an explosion. And well orgasms are some kind of explosion too, right?"

"Again, with the logical explanations when you're drunk. It's not okay that you're still this coherent. Now keep walking."

She sticks out her tongue at him. "You'll just have to live with the fact, that I'm still smarter than you even when I'm drunk." 

"Geez, could you two be any cuter?" Matsuri sighs and very obviously rolls his eyes.

"Aw, Matsuri." She steps closer to him, linking their arms and sort of awkwardly rests her head against his shoulder while walking. "Would you like it more if we kept talking about what he can do with his hands?"

"Actually, yes," he says and sounds so genuine that she can't not talk about it now.

* * *

"So this is us," Deidara says, interrupting Mizuiro talking, and stops. "I'm assuming we long since passed where you live?"

Matsuri blinks and looks around. "Oh whoops. Well, the conversation was worth it."

"You're welcome to stay. I mean as long as you don't try anything."

"Nah. Thanks for the offer but I don't feel like being a fifth wheel all night."

Deidara shrugs his shoulders. "Suit yourself."

Matsuri pulls her into a hug and claps her onto her back. "Maybe I'll come by and help clean up. But if I don't, don't be a stranger, alright?"

"Same goes for you."

"And you," he turns to Deidara. "You know if you ever change your mind." He winks very obviously at him. "Or maybe even if both of you are looking for somebody to add to the mix, hit me up."

"If that is ever the case, we know where to find you."

"Awesome," he winks at them again and then turns around and walks back down the street.

They watch him walk away and she waits until he's out of earshot before she quietly says in a voice as serious as she can muster "Art of sex," again.

They both crack up.

"You're so fucking drunk."

"You aren't doing much better."

He pushes her into the direction of the stairs up to his apartment. "Say that again when I'm taking care of your hangover self tomorrow."

"Oh don't remind me." She pouts. "Cleaning up is gonna be no fun." She takes the last few steps to his door and leans back against it. She looks up at him from underneath her eyelashes and when he tries to unlock the door, she places her hand in front of the lock. "You're helping me clean up tomorrow, too, right?"

He tilts his head and stares right back into her eyes. "What do I get for that?"

"Well, what do you want?" She walks the fingers of her hand not on the lock up his chest, letting them rest against his collarbone.

"I can think of a few things." He smirks and in combination with the dark look he gives her, it makes a shiver run down her back.

"Great." Her voice sounds too breathy already.

"Not tonight though, so don't get too excited. You got to have more than enough fun tonight." He pushes her hand from the lock and finally opens the door. She straightens up a little. He's completely right and she knows she wants to not be drunk for whatever he has in mind. Still, she can feel the excitement already rise inside of her.

"Come on let's go to bed."

"Yeah."


	17. May 99 to August 99

"Genin." Deidara knows his voice is void of all emotion and his face is unmoving. All of this sounds like a joke.

"Yes," the Hokage says and leans back in his chair. The forehead protector on the table shimmers in the light a little. "I thought you'd be more excited about finally being recognized as a ninja of the leaf."

He blinks and sighs. There's no use in being angry about it when he's happy about the recognition in itself. He just didn't think he'd have to start at the bottom. "What does that mean for taking part in missions?"

"You aren't part of a team so there's not much we can let you do. Of course, we could appoint you to one but that really would be a waste now wouldn't it?" The Hokage smiles underneath his mask. "Mostly we'd like to keep you as a backup for when we are in need of higher ranked ninjas. The war has left us short on them and we can use all hands we actually still have."

"Then why not appoint me as a Jonin directly? Wouldn't that be more practical if I could regularly help you?"

"We have rules concerning the ranking system and the village elders don't like them being bypassed," Yutaka says and finally turns around from where he's been looking out of the window since Deidara entered the room. "And this was the only way we could come up with to do just that."

"Alright, I get it." He shrugs his shoulders. "Then I'm fine with it I guess."

"But on the bright side, this means we can allow you to leave the village. Not yet but soon. We're well aware of how you must be going stir crazy. Just give us a few more weeks to finalize the rest of your paperwork."

This in comparison to the news of becoming a Genin makes him perk up. "Really?"

"Yes. You can expect our official permission at the beginning of June."

He can't quite stop himself from smiling at these news. It's fantastic news. Maybe he'll ask Mizuiro to join him for his first trip, even if it would mean to wait until the summer break starts. God, she'll be excited to hear this. "Thank you."

"Oh don't worry. In the end, we're doing this for our own good. Now take your protector and shoo. I'm sure you're burning to tell Mizuiro about this and we have other things to take care off."

He's not proud of the heat that rises in his cheeks because the Hokage is absolutely right. So he wordlessly grabs the protector from the table and then takes his leave. He's not sure when he got that predictable. But well he already made the decision to hang around the academy grounds to wait for school to be over so he can go and talk to her. After all, she's still the person who'll care the most about this development.

* * *

Mizuiro is playing with Mayu – her laughter and squeals loud and bright – and he's long since given up on reading his book in favor of just watching them. For how much she complains about her little sister, she sure looks damn happy when she's around her. At least until Mayu starts crying. Then it's fifty-fifty on whether or not she enjoys being around her still.

But he guesses that's why she invites him over so much when she has to babysit Mayu. He has a knack for calming her down and it's not really much trouble to him to do her that favor. And this way he at least gets the chance to see Mizuiro more often. That she likes to graciously give back to him in other ways doesn't hurt either. She's gotten so good at blowjobs that lately he's been getting erections the second she drops to her knees. That it's not always in a sexual manner doesn't seem to matter to his dick. It led to more than a few awkward situations for him but he manages. At least it's a small price to pay for the actual payoff.

He chuckles to himself and it makes Mizuiro look over to him.

"And what are you laughing about?" she asks, face lit up with a smile so big that it makes her eyes crinkle.

"Nothing that's PG."

She playfully rolls her eyes. "As much as my parents act like Mayu will remember every bad thing you say, she won't."

"Oh no, I know that. I was more worried about distracting you from your job."

Her eyebrows rise and she gives Mayu a look to make sure she's still busy with her toy before getting up and wandering over to the couch he's sitting on. Gracefully she climbs onto his lap and rests her hands on each side of his head on the backrest.

"Pray tell?" Her voice has dropped into that sweet lilt he loves so much and that makes a shiver run down his spine. He's so glad he got to watch her go from fumbling and unsure to sexy and self-assured in bed because it's been a damn joy and brought nothing but good things with it.

He rests his hands on her bare thighs. Her clothes have gotten shorter with the warmer weather too and it's something else he fully enjoys. "Well I could tell you but where would the fun be in that?"

She leans in closer, her lips barely a hair's breadth away from his. "You're right. I'd much rather have you show me."

Their lips have barely touched when Mayu starts screaming her head off. With an overdramatic motion, Mizuiro pulls away and throws her hands in the air. She lets herself fall to the side onto the couch. "I swear she does that on purpose!"

He smirks. "Don't worry. It's only a pleasure deferred." He pushes her legs to the side and gets up to walk the few steps to where Mayu is sitting on the ground and screaming. He kneels down in front of her and bops her onto the nose once which already startles her enough to go from screaming to just crying. "And how can we help you, missy? Huh?" She doesn't have the stuffed toy she had before anymore, and he assumes she threw it somewhere again. Maybe she actually does do these things on purpose.

He looks around her near vicinity and sure enough, he finds the toy underneath the cupboard. He reaches over and picks it up to give it back to her. The second she got it back in her hands, she stops crying. "There we go." He wipes the rest of the tears of her face with his hand. "Can I go back to being nice to your sister now?"

Mayu looks at him with her big green eyes and then grabs his sleeve.

"I guess that's a no."

"You want to adopt her as your sister?" he hears Mizuiro say. She sounds amused but when he turns towards her, she has a look on her face that he's never seen before. It's too serious for her tone but also far off like she's not really thinking about this at all.

"I like her better as yours."

She blinks and her expression is back to normal, a smile slowly spreading on her face. "Well, you should still think about having kids one day. You'd make a great father."

He raises his eyebrows and looks back at Mayu. He's never been in a position that would have allowed him to even think about this before. But now that she brought it up, it makes an image pop into his head. An image that startles him enough to sit up straight and blush.

"I really mean that you know," Mizuiro adds but he doesn't dare to look at her, too scared that she'll suddenly be able to read his mind.

"I don't- Maybe, I guess?"

She giggles at his flustered answer. "You don't need to panic. It's not like you have to decide right now."

"Yeah." He carefully tugs Mayu's hand off and rubs his suddenly sweaty hands along his pants before pushing himself back to his feet. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick."

He doesn't bother waiting for her response and just leaves the room. The second he closes the bathroom door behind him, he makes a noise of pure distress. His face is on fire and he takes the last few steps to the sink and places his hands on the rim of it. Meeting his own eyes in the mirror and he says to himself, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Because seriously why is the first thing that pops into his head at the thought of having kids one day, Mizuiro with a child on her hip and very obviously pregnant with another. He has no idea what tricks his mind is trying to play on him. He just has to assume that it's because of her being the one asking the question and Mayu being his only real reference for babies.

Yeah, that's probably what it was. Really it has to be. 

* * *

He tries forgetting about that day except he apparently opened a door that was previously closed and now he's a fucking mess around her.

And it's not even that he doesn't know how to act around her but rather that he keeps fumbling his words and that there's a permanent blush on his cheeks. That he keeps being caught staring at her doesn't make it better either because he doesn't notice what he's doing until he's being called out. She's started looking at him like she wants to say something about how he's acting but he always manages to distract her – mostly with sex.

Because at least that's something he can still do without any of his behavior being perceived as weird. During sex, he can stare at her and have flushed cheeks and fuck up what he's saying because there are so many other things happening that explain all of it. So yeah they've been having a lot of sex lately. That she seems to enjoy all the extra attention he's been giving her is a bonus. Because his only other option would be avoiding her and even thinking about it, makes him gloomy.

But then he catches himself taking things too far one night and he can't just continue like this anymore.

That night he's still kneeling between her legs after another extensive round of sex and she's spread out before him, legs shaking, hickey littered body heaving with her breaths and the aftermath of tears and eye makeup all over her cheeks. She's goddamn beautiful all messed up and with no trace of her usual composure left and seeing her like this, makes him want to keep her to himself and never let anyone else touch her, never let her leave his bed.

He leans forward over her, bracing himself on his hands next to her head. The motion makes his hair slide from his shoulder and it barely brushes her skin but she twitches a little anyway. Slowly she drops her arm away from her face. Her smile is tired but blissed out and he presses a kiss to the corner of it, before pulling further away again. She lets her eyes fall shut and he lifts one of his hands to run his fingers along her cheek, wiping away some of her tears. Blindly she brings up her hand to cover his and then turns her head to press a kiss to his palm. It's unexpectedly soft in comparison to what he did to her and it makes his heart ache.

And maybe Sasori was right in some ways, maybe some things are more artistic as eternal things because right now she's art to him, that he wants to keep around forever.

The realization of what that means registers slowly but once it sets in he feels himself freeze up, his mouth opening a little in shock. He can barely keep himself from suddenly jerking away and it takes too much willpower to slowly pull his hand from underneath hers and maneuver himself around until he can lie down next to her on his back.

He stares at the ceiling and breathes, nothing on the outside showing how his mind is overthrowing itself with thoughts about what this could put into motion and what it definitely will and how he's not quite sure if he even wants this at all.

Her forehead knocks into his shoulder and her sigh feels loud in the otherwise silent room. He didn't even notice her rolling over. "I think we'll need to take it easy for a while. I'm going to be sore after this one."

It's such a trivial thing but it reminds him of how he'll have to face her again and again after today, how it'll look weird if he just starts avoiding her without reason and how she'll question him. She'll want to talk about it. He's not even sure if he can put this into words. But he can't think with her around and suddenly he feels the urge to run.

"It's okay if I stay?" she mumbles, sounding half asleep already.

"Of course." He just won't be there anymore once she wakes up.

He waits until she's been asleep for a while before he gets up – he's lucky that she isn't much of a cuddler while asleep – and starts packing. It's a job done quick, he still doesn't own that much after all. He only hesitates a moment when he considers what weaponry to take with him. His clay, obviously, but he's not sure if he needs the small weapon pouch she gave him for his birthday as another reminder of her. He can get by with just his bombs and Taijutsu as it is and he's sure he'll be thinking of her enough already. But he's also still a big enough target to be forced to be careful about what he does – the Hokage warned him about that when he gave him the permission to finally leave the village at his own will last week. So the extra protection the Kunais and Shuriken deliver, wins out in the end.

He cleans up quickly and gets dressed, always one ear open for any kind of noises from her but she continues sleeping and he manages to get ready without any trouble. Before he leaves, he stands in the door to his bedroom for a moment, just watching her. She's rolled from her side over onto his side – because that's what he considers the side further from the wall to be – and has curled further into the blanket. He can't quite make out her face in the darkness but he's sure it's as peaceful as ever. He bites his lip and then turns around and leaves.

And while he doesn't know for how long he'll be gone, he already knows his first destination. Because if he's already on a trip to figure his own feelings out then he might as well settle some old scores.

The door closes with a click behind him and he squares his shoulders. The quiet night is the only thing listening when he says "Iwa it is."

* * *

She discovers he's gone — not only he but his ninja belongings too — the next morning and it feels like the floor gets dragged out from underneath her feet.

Her heart clenches uncomfortably and she slumps down right there in the living room, clutching her chest and can't manage to get her breathing under control. She's pretty sure she's having a panic attack right now. The tears spilling over and clouding her vision don't help either.

He left.

He did what she's been scared of for months. And he did it without telling her. And she's left behind, her heart breaking because she fell in love with him anyway even if she knew this could happen. Would happen, honestly. What was she expecting? He was never here by choice, so why would he stay when they've finally stopped surveilling him and he's no longer a Nukenin no matter where he is.

She just wishes he would have trusted her enough and told her so that she could have prepared for it. Because now she'll have to figure out how to live without him around all of a sudden while falling out of love at the same time.

She's not sure she can do that.

* * *

Deidara takes three weeks to himself and his first stop after he comes back to Konoha is his apartment.

Though he doesn't stay for long. He leaves his bag there and showers and then he's off again. He hadn't realized how much he'd gotten used to being around people at nearly all times and how lonely traveling could get after a while. More importantly, he hadn't realized how much he would miss Mizuiro. He kind of wanted to come back after two weeks already, when he was done in Iwa but then again he wasn't sure if he should. So he'd taken some more days to himself and now he at least feels sure about his feelings and has made up his mind.

His second stop is Tapu. Even if Matsuri isn't working, he's always there when it's summer, citing scantily clad woman ready to drink, showing up at all times as his reasoning. It can get really annoying but who is he to judge him for enjoying life.

"Deidara, my man! You're back!" Matsuri shouts excitedly the second the door falls shut behind him. Tapu is relatively empty but it's still early so that's not unusual. Most people are probably still enjoying the sun outside. So he settles on one of the barstools and gratefully accepts the cold drink Matsuri pushes towards him. He watches as he goes to make sure that all of the other guests are satisfied before coming back to him. He leans forward onto the counter, resting his face on his hands and grins. "How has being out in the wilderness treated you?"

"Good. It was kind of overdue, to be honest."

"Hmm. You look more relaxed. Also more tan. I always assumed you were a typical pale person that burns up the second they're out in the sun."

Deidara raises an eyebrow and takes a sip of his drink. "One, I'm from Iwa – a village with weather that ranges from sunny to dry and dusty and not much rain to speak off. Not as bad as Suna of course but still. Two, I spent the most part of four years on the road and in the sun. So, me being pale is not a natural occurrence."

His grin widens. "Ah man, I missed you. I really hope you satisfied whatever reason you had for traveling and don't just disappear on me like that again.

Deidara draws his finger along the edge of his glass. "Actually I kind of came here to talk to you about that."

He perks up and opens his mouth to speak when he gets called over to one of the tables. He lifts a finger to make clear that he'll be back in a minute. "Don't go anywhere!"

Deidara sighs into his drink and takes another sip. He's sure Matsuri will be delighted by what he's about to tell him though he still doesn't quite understand why he's so invested in that topic. His only guess is because he's friends with both him and Mizuiro but still. He's too curious about this.

"I'm back, now talk."

It makes it easier though to not mince his words and just say it. "I'm in love with Mizuiro. And I really want to be with her."

Matsuri's eyes widen in – he's actually not sure if it's surprise or excitement. Both are a real possibility.

"I left so I could have some time to myself and figure out my feelings. It was kind of difficult with her always around. But I'm certain now." It's surprisingly nice to actually have said it out loud, it feels like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders. Though the way more difficult thing is still before him. "The only thing I didn't figure out is how to tell her. But I'm sure I'll find the right moment."

The happy grin Matsuri was spouting falls into a frown and he feels his stomach drop. "Uhm about that-"

"Yo Nekosawa! Make me another beer would you?"

"Get your damn beer yourself, Izumi! I'm busy right now," he yells back, without looking away from Deidara. The customer grumbles something to himself, while Matsuri lowers his voice and picks up where he left off. "You should wait a bit before telling her."

"Why?"

"She's been acting weird lately. Uhm actually it started when you left. And I tried figuring out what was going on but not even Nanami and Keiko know."

"You need to be more specific here."

"But no getting angry with the messenger!"

He rolls his eyes. "Jesus Christ just tell me."

"Well, she started getting really bitchy after you left and it didn't really look like pent up sexual frustration but rather like she had an actual reason to be pissed off? And then a week and a half ago she just flat out asked me to have sex with her. I said no of course." He pauses for a moment and then shrugs his shoulders. "I mean not that I didn't want to have sex with her but I kind of had an inkling about you liking her. And you know how it is, I wouldn't be able to make her happy in the end anyway, so I didn't want to ruin my friendship with both of you. Anyway when I asked her why she got kind of mad at me and now she's short with me too. After that, well..." Matsuri trails off and glances to the side.

Deidara swallows hard. He's not sure if he wants to hear the rest of this but it's probably better than seeing her and being unprepared. He knew it was a dick move to just pack his bags and leave while she was asleep in his bed. But the surprise he'd felt, at how desperately he wanted to keep her right there and not let anyone else have her, had overwhelmed him. He had felt forced to leave after that because if he was thinking those things already he was scared of accidentally pushing her too far. "What else happened?"

"Uhm, she kind of started sleeping around?"

By the way, it's a carefully phrased question instead of a definite answer, he knows Matsuri is trying to make this easier on him. And yes while just the idea of her with someone else makes him clench his hand into a fist in anger, he's not really hurt by this. But he hurt her and because of that she's doing stupid shit, that much is clear. At the same time though he sure as hell can't see a reason why she couldn't get by on her own for three fucking weeks. She's smarter than that and it doesn't even matter if she likes him or not. But he's sure she knows that one-night-stands can't compete with the knowledge he gathered over the past five months. So he's not sure what she's trying to achieve here.

"She wasn't really smooth about it either. To be honest she looked kind of desperate like she was trying to prove something to herself. She only went home with two guys though as far as I know. But as I said, she's not really talking to any of us right now, so we don't know for sure."

"Well, maybe I should try then." His mood has shifted a little and he doesn't feel as optimistic anymore as he did when he returned.

"Let me break the news to her that you're back first?"

"You think she deserves that warning?"

Matsuri scrunches up his nose and shakes his head. "I know both of you. You're probably going to pick a fight and make her cry. So yes. She should at least have a fair chance at defending herself."

"I won't. I hate seeing her cry."

His eyebrows rise and he smirks, even if there's still a hint of discomfort in it. "You know she tells me about what you two do in the bedroom right? And she overshares, more so than you already do. So believe me, I know you like making her cry. Maybe not during a fight but you do."

Deidara feels his face flush and downs the rest of his drink. "You should fuck off and do your job properly before I tell on you," he says and pushes the empty glass back to Matsuri. "And while you're at it you can make me another drink."

* * *

He gives Matsuri a day to find her and warn her, as he put it. After that, he's out of luck. Because even if he doesn't look forward to talking about this topic with her, he really missed her stupid face like crazy and he really wants to kiss and touch her all over. Also talking, not just about this but also his trip. He has so much to tell her and he's glad she enjoys the finer details because he has so much to tell.

He tries in the most obvious place first: looking for her at her parents' house. Because surely that's his best bet if she doesn't want to talk to her friends at the moment but goes out to screw around with guys. He just hopes her parents are gone because really he's still not sure what they think of him and he'd rather not deal with them, too.

He rings the doorbell and it takes a good minute before anybody opens but to his pleasure it's actually her. Except she's apparently in the middle of getting ready to go out. He takes a second to muster her and oh dear just the sight of her hair – open and a little messy – makes him feel jealous. Because usually, that's his job, making her come undone, making her lose the composure she craves so much. The clothes she's wearing aren't better either. She has a great body and surely can wear them but they look like they belong to one of the drunk girls that like to catch Matsuri's attention.

"Oh," is all she gets out and it makes his attention snap back to her face and oh for fuck's sake she even put on makeup.

They stare at each other for a moment and then he's on her, pushing her back inside while kicking the door shut with his foot. He turns her against the wall and grabs her face. She gasps against his lips and immediately opens her mouth to the forceful pressure he applies, her hands grabbing onto the front of his shirt and tugging him in closer. He sucks her lower lip into his mouth and bites it, making her whimper. A shiver of excitement runs down his spine and his dick is perking up too.

But he can also feel anger rising inside him – at her and at himself. Because he doesn't want her to dress up for other guys. They can look all they want but he doesn't want them touching her, messing her up. God, he's so desperately in love with her and he can't believe he was stupid enough to not figure this out sooner. Why did he have to leave first and mess it up?

He pulls back and stares at her, waiting for her to open her eyes. She's already breathing heavily and it takes a moment before she slowly blinks her eyes open. "You're back," she says quietly. It almost sounds sad and if that's all he gets then he'd rather not listen to her at all right now.

"Upstairs," is the only thing he replies and then pulls her away from the wall and tugs her up the stairs to her room. She goes willingly and once they're in her room he turns back to her. He doesn't ask for permission, just tugs off her shirt. His face darkens when he sees that she even put on fancy underwear. She was really going all out, wasn't she?

"Lie down."

Mizuiro doesn't react immediately so he takes matters into his own hands and pushes her face first onto her bed. She makes a surprised noise but he doesn't give her the chance to get her bearings back and just climbs on top of her, pinning her arms down into the mattress. "No talking," he whispers into her ear.

She turns her head to look back at him and he presses a kiss to her lips. She kisses back but when he opens his eyes again, she' still looking at him, clearly gauging his reactions and trying to figure out what his goal here is. But she doesn't stop him. He knows she could if she really wanted to, but she doesn't.

He pulls back letting his hands slide down her arms and then over her back to her waist. He doesn't tread lightly and instead of his usual kisses, he trails bites down her back – making sure to leave marks – while he fumbles with the button of her pants. Once they're open he pulls her hips up and then her pants and underwear down until they hit her knees. He leaves them there, scratching his nails over her skin and sucking a hickey into her lower back. She pushes back into it and he smirks. He knows how much she loves that but today is not about making her feel good. It's more that he wants to reclaim her as his and just the thought of it makes him feel like an asshole but he can't bring himself to stop.

So he presses a kiss to it and then scoots backwards until he can lean forward comfortably and lick a clean stripe up over her labia. He pulls them apart after that and sucks her clit into his mouth. She whines and from the way it comes out muffled, he assumes she has her face turned into the pillow. He keeps at it for a while, pushing two fingers inside of her to add to the sensation. Only when he can feel her tensing up, a sure sign that she's about to come, does he pull away. Her moan is more desperate this time but he ignores it and instead leans over her again, runs his hand through her hair and tugs her head to the side by it. Her cheeks are red and her hooded eyes go back towards him immediately.

"Condom?"

She points down at her pants and oh she really was prepared wasn't she. He pulls back again, searching through the pockets of her pants and sure enough, he ends up with two condoms in his hand. He tsks at her and rips one open before throwing the other one away. Then in quick succession, he pulls down his pants and rolls on the condom, before leaning forward again. While he leans his weight on one hand by her head, he jerks himself off with the other one for a moment, covering his dick in spit.

She arches her back and moans when he pushes inside her. When she squeezes around him – on purpose if the look she gives him is any indication – he bites his lip to keep from groaning too loudly. Her tiny smirk in response makes the anger well up in him again. In a flash he leans back until he's sitting upright, pulling her with him and into his lap. That it can't be too comfortable for her with the way her pants are keeping her knees locked doesn't matter to him. He runs his hand down her body – tongue out – until he can press it against her clit while grinding his hips up.

She lets her head drop back against his shoulder and he turns his mouth towards her ear. "Matsuri told me about what you've been doing." He changes up the rhythm of his fingers against her and it makes her breath in sharply. "And I don't like what I heard."

"Maybe you shouldn't-" she starts but he interrupts her with a sharp thrust into her.

"I told you already, no talking." He lets the teeth of the mouth in his hand graze over her clit in warning and he can feel her twitch away. She's told him before that she doesn't like that sensation a lot and it's been a good way of keeping her in check or bringing her back to the matter in hand in the past.

She doesn't try to talk back and he goes back to rubbing her clit while he lets his hips grind against her. He turns his head into her neck, places his mouth over her pulse point and sucks hard. Her hands scrambling for purchase come to rest on his leg and clutching his arm, fingernails digging in at a nearly painful level. Still, he doesn't let it deter him from his goal of making her come and only quickens his movements.

The second he can feel her tense up around his dick, he starts fucking her in earnest, no holding back anymore. She's making more noises now and normally he'd let her calm down a moment because of how sensitive she sometimes gets during her orgasms but he really doesn't feel like taking his time. Today he just wants to make her feel this. He wraps both his arms around her waist, giving her no chance of moving away from him and keeps working on the hickey on her neck.

His own orgasm hits him by surprise when she quietly whines his name. His thrusts get erratic and then with a loud moan he spills inside the condom. He can feel her body heaving with each inhale and he takes a second to get his own breathing under control again before he loosens his grip on her. She lets herself slump forward immediately, barely catching herself with her arms to lower herself down the last bit.

Her movement also forces him to pull out and he grabs his dick to pull off the condom. He ties it off and then gets up to pull on his pants properly again and throw the condom into her trashcan – he's complained to her before about the position of it making it impossible to just throw things into it from afar but she never moved it. When he turns back to the bed, Mizuiro has rolled over and is propped up onto her forearms. And even with her staring him down, the hickey he left on her neck still catches his attention. It looks pretty if painful and he feels a sense of calmness spread in him.

"So are you going to explain to me what the hell this just was?" She sounds upset and it makes him straighten up and brace himself immediately.

"I already told you."

Her brows furrow. "I wasn't aware I needed your permission to have sex with other people."

"And I wasn't aware that you're the type to sleep around either but apparently three weeks on your own was too much for you." He doesn't want to egg her on but he feels cornered already because she's completely right. This was a dick move and outside of telling her the truth, he can't explain why he acted like this.

Her eyes darken and she gets up from the bed, angrily tugging her bra and pants back into place. "Well, why does it matter to you, that I do what I want? We're not exclusive, so clearly you have no rights to me. And if you'd care about me you wouldn't just leave without telling me why or where you're going."

Her words hit him hard because of course, she's right. He has no entitlement to her or her body. He was aware that it probably hurt her that he left but he didn't think she'd take that from it. And she doesn't know what he's thinking so to her this must be so confusing right now.

By the time he manages to find his words, she's pushed past him to pick up her shirt from the floor. Though she freezes in her movement the second he utters the words "I'm in love with you."

A second passes and then she spins around, shirt clutched to her chest and mouth wordlessly open. He holds her gaze even though he feels like the silence is choking him and waits for her to do something.

That she starts crying is not what he expected and he hesitantly takes a step in her direction. He really hates seeing her cry and he desperately wants to do something. But him moving seems to startle her and her face twists back into an angry frown. "Get out."

"What?"

"I said get out!" she yells and chucks her shirt at him, hitting him square in the chest. It falls to the ground with a soft thump. "You have no right to do this to me. First, you just leave and then you come back and say these things. Who do you even think you are?"

He's frozen to the spot in confusion and apparently, she's not interested in waiting for him to get his bearings back because she comes to him and starts forcefully pushing him in the direction of the window. He goes willingly and when she shoves open the window, his body moves on instinct, climbing through it. He lands on the rooftop of the porch and turns back to look at her. There are still tears running down her cheeks when she says "I don't want to see you for a while." The window slamming close sounds final and he swallows hard when he realizes that even through the glass and with her back to him he can still hear her sobs.

Seems like Matsuri was right after all. He did make her cry.

* * *

The next few days he doesn't bother leaving his apartment. He feels too confused and at the same time too lethargic to do much of everything. Even playing around with clay doesn't capture his attention as it usually does. So he just ends up lying around on the floor in the sun, like he used to do so much at the beginning of his time here.

It's a weird comparison because back then he was trying to protect himself from everything, most importantly from getting attached to anyone and anything – he'd slept on the floor for the first month because he was scared they were just testing him and would take away the comfort they'd given him once he'd gotten used to it again. He wasn't sure why he was being treated the way he was and acutely aware of what he had done and what it should mean.

Now though he feels out of place in a space he made his home and it's offsetting in a wholly different way. He doesn't even want to say it's because of being rejected by her – and that's what it was right? A rejection – but rather because of the way it happened, making it his own fault again. He surely could win a prize for how many times he went and screwed himself over with his short temper running his mouth. He keeping his cool seems to have finally completely turned into a thing of the past. Or maybe that's just how he gets when he cares about someone or something — after all, he's always quick to react too when someone insults his art.

He sighs and rolls over onto his stomach, burrowing his head in his arms. He lets the sun beat down on his back and just tries clearing his mind to doze a little.

Except clearing his mind means the reflexive check in with his surroundings to make sure he's save. Her familiar chakra jumps out to him immediately even though it's faint – still, she can't be further away than downstairs on the street. Her chakra presence isn't a strong one in general but he could pick it out of hundreds. Back when she was the only one visiting he latched onto the feeling of it as much as he could, desperate to be aware of when it wasn't her entering his space.

For a while she doesn't move from her spot, so he just waits in tense anticipation for her to decide what she'll do and counts the seconds. He's at 327 when she finally starts taking the stairs and he pushes himself up onto his feet. They reach the door at the same time and she has her hand raised to knock when he pulls it open.

Slowly she lowers her hand again and lifts her head to look him in the eyes. She's pale, her eyes red and the dark bags under her eyes tell him that she must have slept just as much as he did the last few days.

"I'm sorry for Friday," he says quietly because that's all he's sure off after the last few days.

"I'm sorry, too."

He steps to the side to let her pass by and then follows her into the living room after closing the door. She stops in the middle of the room and looks helplessly around. It's been a while since she looked this uncomfortable in his space.

"Do you want something to drink?"

She shakes her head. She obviously floundering just as much as he is and it's a nice comfort to know he isn't the only one that really doesn't know what this is anymore; what they are anymore. He steps closer to her and even if he isn't sure if his touch is welcome or not he reaches for her hand. She lets him intertwine their fingers and looks down at their hands. It's not something they ever really did before. Holding hands on purpose was an invisible line they weren't willing to cross but right now it feels like the easiest way to center them both in this mess.

"I was scared you wouldn't come back," she suddenly speaks. Her voice is shaking but she continues. "You never once said that you wanted to stay in Konoha. Not before the war, not after it, not when I directly asked you. So when I woke up and you were gone I panicked. I didn't know what to do. I asked around of course but I wasn't sure if you wouldn't go as far as lying at the gate about where you're going when you didn't even tell me."

The hurt in her voice is especially noticeable in her last words. It suddenly dawns on him and her behavior, combined with the way Matsuri described it to him, makes sense now. He doesn't want to assume he knows all the details but at least he has a good idea now what this was about. "That's why you slept with those guys."

She nods. "I needed to prove to myself that I could get by without you, that I could get over you if I just wanted to."

His heart skips a beat and he squeezes her hand. "Did it work?"

She looks up at him, eyes wide and a slight rose tint to her cheeks and she knows that he can read the answer clear as day on her face but for once that's not enough. He leans in to rest his forehead against hers. "I need to hear you say this."

It sounds more desperate than it's supposed to but it's true. There aren't many things he has to hear to believe but he really doesn't want to spend his life second guessing whether or not he read her right.

"It didn't," her voice is barely a whisper. "I'm still in love with you."

He feels ten times lighter now and he can't keep the smile from growing on his face. "Thank you."

She just stares at him for a moment and then she twists her hand free and throws both arms around him. Her fingers dig into his back and her breath is warm against his neck. "Please don't ever leave like that again. You didn't even leave me a note, you asshole."

He wraps his arms around her and presses a kiss to the side of her head, breathing her in. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you worry. I just-" He swallows, suddenly feeling a little stupid about his reactions back on that day. "I was scared of what I would do to you if I had stayed."

Her chuckle sounds a little wet with tears. "Geez, that sounds like you wanted to hurt me."

He feels the blush rise in his cheeks and he must take too long to reply because she pulls back and looks at him, eyebrows raised. "Seriously? That's why you left? Because you were scared you'd be too rough with me during sex?"

"No! I just- It's not like that." He fumbles his words hard and it makes her expression soften a little. "It sounds dumb but the way you looked after what I did to you made me realize that I didn't want anybody else to see you like that. And it kind of freaked me out because I wasn't acutely aware that I wanted you in that way. I don't have much experience with these kinds of feelings and it was just too much at once. So I decided to take a step back and figure myself out before I'd ultimately end up crossing a line and pushing you too far. Which I'm not sure I managed considering what happened Friday."

She sighs exasperatedly, letting her head drop to his shoulder again, and pets his back. "At least we're both stupid."

He chuckles. "I'm not gonna disagree with that."

For a while they just stand there, holding each other. He can feel her relax against him and only when she yawns loudly, does he even consider moving. "Nap?"

"Please," she mumbles and squeezes him one more time before pulling back. Even with the tiredness clear on her face she still looks content and it makes him smile. Together they go to his bedroom, where she immediately flops onto his bed.

"You don't want to change?"

Her response is muffled by the pillows so he doesn't really catch any of it but he assumes it's one of her usual explanations off it just being a nap and not worth the effort.

"At least take your bra off before I have to listen to you complain about it again later."

She grumbles but sits up anyway to follow his instructions, while he climbs onto the bed too, and lies down.

"Happy?" she asks when she finally tugs her bra out from underneath her shirt and throws it off the bed. Instead of responding he just reaches his arms out towards her and she takes the offer, lying down with her head resting against his shoulder. He takes off her hair tie while she gets comfortable and once he managed that, he burrows his hand in it.

"You know," he starts after a minute or two. "As long as they don't kick me out, I don't plan on leaving Konoha permanently."

She squeezes his waist and her voice sounds half asleep when she mumbles "I'll stay with you and keep you from screwing things up then."

He chuckles. "I'd like that."

* * *

Deidara wants to say that their relationship doesn't change much now that they are dating in comparison to before. They still hang out, they still babysit Mayu together, they still train together and they still squabble about stupid things. Really nothing changed but at the same time, it's like she woke up from the nap they took as a different person.

He's never once seen her act like this around him. Never before has she blushed like this when he touched her in the most innocent ways possible and never before has she just turned away when he smiled at her.

It should be annoying really but he can't bring himself to care when she looks so cute. He's caught her multiple times now with her face hidden in her hands, mumbling to herself about how stupid she's being. And that she's aware of it but still can't do anything about it makes it that much more appealing to him. He doesn't even want to tease her about it.

Still, he couldn't have anticipated how she'd react when he asked her out on a date.

He didn't feel the need to do that at first, being comfortable with the way things were going. But Matsuri grabbing his face and hissing "Take her out and treat her like she's your girlfriend or I might rethink letting you have her." at him, had made him reconsider. After all, Matsuri has a better idea about those things and what's appropriate and what's not. So he took the advice and thought it through a little. He made some plans and scratched them again until he just settled on dinner. It's the safest and easiest choice anyway.

Sure they'd gone out to eat together before but most of the times they'd kept to the old tiny places she went to when she wanted her peace and quiet. And it was rare that he paid for it because she was well aware that her teaching salary was still much higher than what he got from the village to cover his needs — they told him they'd keep paying it until he had the chance to save up some money and actually take care of himself.

And maybe him bringing it up while she was holding a plate in her hands wasn't the best idea. But he really just wanted to get it the question out there.

"Do you want to go on a date?"

"Of course I do!" She practically yells her answer at his face and it doesn't just startle him but herself too. She slaps her hands in shock over her mouth but it means she lets go of the plate. Normally he'd have been able to react and catch it but he's still frozen in shock and so it falls to the ground where it shatters into pieces.

That at least brings them both back to the present. They simultaneously lean forward to kneel down and pick up the big parts. But they're too close and instead the only thing they achieve is knocking their heads into each other. It's not really painful but he still reflexively brings up his hand to rub the spot.

When he looks back at her, she's staring at him, eyes swimming with tears, hand pressed to her forehead and face flushed.

"I'm- I don't know what that was," she mumbles and bites her lip.

"Excitement, I hope." He chuckles and rubs the back of his neck.

"Obviously." She blinks the tears out of her eyes and smiles, embarrassment written all over her face. "I'm sorry, I've been kind of weird lately."

"I noticed."

"I just- I think my brain is still catching up with us being a thing now. Like not having to avoid to blab about my feelings anymore and touching being not just a lead up to sex."

He hums in agreement and smiles. He totally gets what she's saying, he's not quite used to being allowed to just touch and be and do without restriction either yet. But he's apparently still dealing better with the change than her. He squats down and starts picking up the big pieces of the plate from around their feet. She wiggles her bare toes and he can feel her eyes on him, watching his movements closely.

"What did you have in mind for the date?" she asks after a moment of silence.

He glances up at her. "I thought we could maybe go to that one sushi place you like since you love the food there a lot but never seem to actually go there."

"Yeah because it's expensive."

"So what?"

"You know I don't like spending money on unnecessary things." She sounds so embarrassed to have to say it out loud and he waits with his answer until he picked up the last piece before straightening back up. She's wringing her hands in front of her body but makes eye contact.

"Who said you're paying for anything?"

"But-"

"Ah!" he interrupts her before she can protest further. He turns and goes to the trash can — unlike her, he's wearing slippers and doesn't have to worry about stepping into leftover shards. When he's gotten his hands free, he turns towards her again. "You've done a lot for me in the past two years, so just let me do something nice for you too, alright?"

She's obviously not really convinced of his words and he wonders for a second if maybe Matsuri was wrong and he just should have left things as they were. Though with the excitement she showed before he can't really imagine it. After a moment she nods.

"Okay, we can go. But please promise me that this won't become a habit. There are other ways you can pay me back if you really feel like you have to. But I don't expect you to do that. I did all of that without ulterior motives."

He grins. "Yeah, you did it because you had a big fat crush on me as it turns out."

She blushes again and he knows she would have lunged for him if she wasn't still kind of trapped by the possible shards on the floor. "That had nothing to do with it!"

He raises his eyebrows, steps up to her and wraps his arms around her waist. Her hands automatically come up to rest on his shoulders. "Well, I'm doing this because I love you, so I don't see any reasons for you to object."

She goes completely silent and just looks at him. It's the same look she's gotten every time, he even mentioned that he liked her during the past four weeks, whether it was in passing or on purpose. It's like she's in awe of his words and he doesn't even care that half the time she just forgets to say anything back. He knows it well enough.

He tightens his arms around her and lifts her up. Her fingers dig into him harshly but she doesn't protest and just wordlessly lets him. He carries her out of the kitchen and into the living room where he sets her down again. He spots her slippers lying next to the couch, where they definitely shouldn't be and shakes his head. "I'm going to clean up the mess you made. So just wait here and don't destroy anything else."

"Deidara?" He's already in the kitchen again when she speaks up but she continues speaking without him giving an affirmation that he's listening. "I love you, too."

He smiles to himself. Because even if he knows it, it's still nice to hear.


	18. September 99

They're lounging around on the grass at the river, enjoying the rest of the sun on a warm September evening. It's a quiet place, close to her parents' house and nobody ever really goes out of their way to walk out here to just relax at the river.

She actually came here alone in the first place to have some quiet to work on correcting exams but apparently, Deidara came looking for her and her mother pointed him in this direction. They've both become a little clingy towards the other, hanging out even more so than they did before and showing up unexpectedly at the others place. But it's kind of nice that he finally doesn't care anymore and just shows up at her house even when her father still looks at him like he's a criminal.

So now he's joined her here and is lying around while she's finishing up. And god bless him for having patience because he didn't even try talking to her once outside of saying hello and it makes it much easier to concentrate on her work. That she herself would much rather kiss him than correct the same mistakes again and again, is easier to ignore that way too and it takes no time for her to finish up.

"So," she closes her folder and wraps the elastic around it. "A little bird told me something today."

"And since when can you communicate with birds?"

She grins and turns towards him. He's smiling too, his hair falling loosely in his face — he still wears it down, only tied at the ends most of the days and she loves it. "A secret."

"So you're a bird whisperer then?"

"Maybe."

He reaches out his hand and bops her on the nose. "Well, what did the bird tell you?"

She grabs his hand and lowers it down to her lap. She starts playing with it. "That you might get your first mission soon."

His eyebrows rise up in surprise but there's also a spark of excitement in his eyes. "Tell me more."

"I can't. I don't know anything else. Just that there's something important going on and that they don't have enough people available. So you should be at the top of their list."

"Sounds promising."

She hums in agreement and ducks her head, her expression going a little sad.

"What is it?" he asks.

"I kind of liked not having to worry about you, too."

"There's no need to worry though."

"You say that but isn't there always?"

He squeezes her hand. "I may get easily riled up but I'm not reckless. And I won't risk my life unnecessarily. Okay?"

"I know. Won't stop my brain from running rampant though."

"I promise I'll be extra careful just for you."

She smiles and then leans down to press a kiss to his forehead. "Thank you," she mumbles against his skin and before she can pull away his free hand comes to rest on her neck, pulling her into a proper kiss.

She trusts him to keep his promises but it's nice to know that he understands where she's coming from. She just can't treat things like this lightly anymore. Not with the war behind them, not with her scar itching, not with her stuck here in the village.

* * *

"Oi, bird whisperer."

Mizuiro turns around at her desk, because this can be only meant for her, and her mouth widens into a smile. "Deidara, what are you doing here?"

It's unusual to see him on the school grounds and even more so to see him in the faculty room. It's after school hours so it's not a big deal but she still checks, who else is here, to gauge how she can behave — it's not that she's embarrassed to be seen with him but they both know that there are still people who don't like him much and she doesn't want to provocate any of them if she can avoid it. There are still some other teachers around but none of them are ones that would care, except for Noriko, who's staring at them from over at her desk. They make eye contact for a second and her eyes narrow before she looks back at whatever she's working on. Mizuiro returns her attention to Deidara.

He's grinning and looks genuinely excited. "Your birds were right."

She returns his smile. "I'm glad. You deserve it."

"Well, I'm only coming as an accessory and I don't think the team captain was completely happy about a Genin coming along." He makes air quotes with his hands around the word Genin and she chuckles.

"Then you'll just have to convince him of your talents. When are you leaving?"

"In a few hours. The captain didn't want to waste too much time."

"I see." She nods and hesitates for only a second before she gets up. She takes the last few steps up to him and wraps her arms around his waist, hugging him tightly. His arms come to rest around her shoulders. "Good luck," she says and it's muffled by his shirt but he presses a kiss to her head and she knows he heard it.

"It's not a dangerous mission but I'll be careful, I promise." His voice is barely a whisper and she nods again.

For a second they stay like that and she tries to force this feeling into her memory as best as she can. When she pulls back, he's already looking at her and leans in for a short kiss. He's well aware that she wants to look good at her job and that exuberant goodbyes aren't part of that. And really she's used to the saying goodbye part with how often she did it with her parents. It just feels a little more painful with him for whatever reason and she can't keep in the sigh when a few minutes later he presses a key to his apartment into her hand and leaves her with the words "I know you won't be able to sleep as it is. So if this helps, use it."

She wants to laugh because even if he still sometimes says he can't figure her out, he knows perfectly what she needs. And she is just so head over heels for him that it isn't even funny.


	19. March 100

_Hello!_

 _So this is the last chapter of Part 1! The story is by no means over though. Part 2 is currently at around 80.000 words and maybe halfway to three quarters done? I'm not completely sure how long it will take me to finish it up. (It was supposed to be my NaNoWriMo project this year but I'm currently working on an original project that has stolen my heart and I'm not sure if I won't prioritize it over Part 2.) But once Part 2 is done I'll definitely post it on here, too._

 _If you read this, thank you! If you left me a favorite or follow, thank you even more! (And if you made it this far I'd appreciate if you could let me know what you liked and disliked! It'll help me in the future!)_

 _Enjoy reading!_

* * *

Deidara unlocks the door to his apartment and steps inside, the warmth of it greeting him like a hug and making his wet body shiver. It's already past midnight and it's been raining nonstop since early yesterday morning and he and the rest of the team he was on the road with got drenched to their bones. Of course, they had the standardized raincoats with them but they didn't do much against the monsoon-like rain. At least they were on their way back already, so now he can take a hot shower, drink a cup of tea and then just crash.

He takes off his wet clothes in the hallway, not wanting to drag water all over the floor, and leaves them there. First, he needs to get warm, then he can clean up. He has no interest in getting sick. He goes to the bedroom and pushes the door open, not surprised at finding Mizuiro asleep on his side of the bed. She's been taking full advantage of the key to the apartment ever since he gave it to her last year. And honestly, he loves it. He never thought he'd be one to want to have somebody to come home to but now that he has it, he doesn't want to miss it.

He leaves the light off and makes sure to be quiet while getting clean sleep clothes and underwear. Once he's standing underneath the shower head he takes his time, not turning the water off until it starts getting cold. He dries off and then wipes the steamed up mirror clean. He inspects himself for a moment.

He looks tired and it makes the nasty scratches on his cheeks, where he lost the fight with a stupid branch, stand out even more but the only thing he can do right now is disinfect them. There's no way in hell that he'd make the trip to the hospital just for this. Outside of the scratches there are some bruises on his left side — also from his fight with that stupid branch — but that's it. He rolls his eyes at himself. It would just be his luck to get out of the mission unscathed but then hurt himself on the way home because he slipped on the wet bark of a tree and was too exhausted to react fast enough.

He finishes up in the bathroom quickly after that. Now that he's warmed up he can feel the tiredness settle in his bones and he really wants to have his tea and then rest. Surprisingly when he leaves the room, the air already smells of camomile tea and he finds Mizuiro in the kitchen, dripping honey into a steaming cup.

He steps up behind her, wrapping his arms around her tightly and resting his head on her shoulder. She's still sleep-warm and he nuzzles her neck with his nose. "You didn't have to get up."

"Was afraid I'd fall back asleep but wanted to see you," she mumbles, still sounding sleepy and god he wants to force her to go back to bed already but he's also really happy to have her in his arms right now. She places the spoon on the counter and lifts up the cup. He lets go of her with one hand so that he can take it from her and take a sip. It's still a little too hot but honestly, it's pleasant, spreading warmth even further through his body.

When he lowers it, she's looking at him intently, mustering his face. "It doesn't hurt, don't worry," he says before she can ask about the scratches. "I just slipped in the rain, that's all."

A tired smile spreads on her lips and her voice has a teasing undertone when she says "Is that so?"

"Yes." He takes another sip of the tea and feels her shift her weight back against him a little. "You're tired. Go back to bed."

"Not without you."

"Come on." He squeezes her side. "I'll be with you in a few minutes, bird."

He can practically feel the tiny bit of tired fight that she could muster leave her when he calls her that. He's still surprised some days how that nickname stuck and became such a cherished gesture to her when all he meant to do was tease her about her ever-growing network of contacts throughout the whole village when he called her bird whisperer at the beginning. To be fair though he likes it too. It's their special little thing.

She twists around to press a kiss to his cheek. "Welcome home," she quietly says before leaving him standing in the kitchen. Her steps are nearly inaudible and he takes another sip of his tea. It's good to be back home.

When he joins her in bed a few minutes later, she's lying on her stomach and on his side. He wordlessly settles in next to her, too tired to protest her taking his place and places his hand on her lower back. He slips it up underneath her already ridden up shirt and softly draws his fingers along her spine. Her mouth twists into a smile but she doesn't open her eyes. He continues doing it until her breathing evens out and only then does he slide his hand up and lets it rest on her upper ribs, over where her scar is. It feels different than the last time he touched it, not that he touches it that much — she still has days when she dislikes it too much — but he knows what it should feel like and this is not it. He's curious but it's not enough to make him move his tired body to check it.

Tomorrow will be time enough.

* * *

But of course, he forgets about it for a few days.

First of all, she's gone when he wakes up the next day — she's at work he assumes because after all, it's a weekday. And then it just slips his mind for a while since they don't have the chance to reacquaint themselves with each other on a more physical level that soon. His side does hurt a little after all, the bruises have taken on an array of colors and he avoids making unnecessary moves. Then there's also his part of the mission report keeping him busy — he hates writing them but putting them off won't do him good.

So it's nearly a week later when he finally has her naked before him and he probably wouldn't have remembered it if he didn't ask her to turn around on a whim and she hesitated very obviously.

"What's wrong?" He draws his finger along her chin to avoid her turning her face away like she sometimes does when she doesn't want to say something.

"It's nothing," she replies.

He frowns, the memory of the weird way her scar felt coming back to him. "Did you do something with your scar?"

She shrugs her shoulders but she doesn't look unhappy like he'd expect her too. But rather she's smiling a little. "Maybe."

"Show me."

She bites her lip but then indeed shuffles around until her back is to him. She brushes her hair to one side and looks back over her shoulder. "So?"

He stares at where her scar is or rather where it used to be. Because it's not really visible anymore, covered by delicate lines in blues and green, that add up to a detailed drawing of a lantern adorned by a small bird. "You got a tattoo."

"Yeah."

He's not sure what to say. It looks gorgeous, yes, but he feels confused. He reaches out and gently draws his fingers along the lines. "Why?"

"Well you know I never liked that scar. But I also wanted to put this whole thing behind me. Actually, I've been thinking about doing this for a while. I don't want to be stuck in the village forever because I let myself get trapped by one mishap. I want to make the most of my abilities and for that, I have to let go of this."

He meets her eyes. "How long have you been thinking about this?"

"Since October."

That's nearly six months. He bites his lip and wonders if he should be worried that she never mentioned it to him. But then again she's the type to present others with accomplished facts.

"So what do you think?" Her voice sounds a little hesitant now, almost as if she's nervous about his opinion. And that's so like her too, to worry after everything's said and done.

He smiles and then leans forward, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder. "I like it. It suits you."

She ducks her head, wearing that pleased little smile again. "I'm glad. After it was done I got kind of worried for a while that you wouldn't."

"Why shouldn't I?"

"Because it's permanent art." She says it like it should be obvious and maybe it should be. He's been adamant about art being a fleeting thing for so long but since he pretty quickly came to the conclusion that she's special, he doesn't think about it with her as much.

He presses a kiss to her cheek. "You should be lucky that you're my exception then."

She brings her hands up and hides her face behind them but it's pretty obvious that she's blushing. Her voice is muffled when she replies "You can't just say things like that."

"Well, it's true." He squeezes her and then pulls back again, running his hands lightly over her back as he goes. She arches into it reflexively and drops her hands back to her lap. "Now. If you don't mind I'd like to continue where we left off."

She looks back at him a little reproachfully.

"What? Do you want to wallow in embarrassment a little longer? Fine by me." He sticks his tongue out at her and then flops down next to her. He rolls onto his back and crosses his arms behind his head. "I can wait a little longer."

"Ugh," she rolls her eyes but she's smiling. She lies down next to him, resting her head against his shoulder and pinches his side. "You are impossible."

"And you love that."

"Yeah, I do."


End file.
